I saw whole chickens hanging from the side of a garbage can yesterday, getting ready to primed up for a good meal. All the life gone and they just lay there, limp with their eyes wide open. I remember the thing that made me finally go vegetarian was a dream that snuck right up on me in my sleep and pretty much snatched the turkey bone outta my hand. Yes, it did. Now, it’s kinda rare that I even remember my dreams. Sometimes, it’ll take some days but this turkey dream was so very, very deeply disturbing to me, I couldn’t shake it.
Folks, in the dream, it’s around Thanksgiving. There was a big, fine spread on the table of every kinda dish typical for, I suppose, an American Thanksgiving. You know, we can find so many ways to get together and eat, even if it’s not about the actual holiday. Well, in this dream folks, it’s just me and that spread but mainly me and that turkey. Why don’t we just name it into a movie, called How the Gobble Stole Totsy’s Grub On.
There we are, at that little table. My primary focus was that damn turkey ’cause that’s, of course, when I would have at a piece of meat faster than you could say, ‘May I take your order.’ I don’t know why it was so quiet in that house in the dream. Seemed like there would’ve been a gang of folk in there at that table but uh uh, it was just me. There that turkey was, all laid out and glistening all pretty like turkeys do and I pick up my carving knife and go to poking for my first slice. Folks, that damn turkey got to grunting and twisting around like folk do when their sleep is being disturbed. That thing tossed and turned ’til it got all comfyed up and I wasn’t picking and settled back into a good sleep.
Now, you know I ain’t believing my eyes. I mean, this is some shit if I ever seen it. Unlike those chickens I saw on the road yesterday, of course, this bird I was aiming to put in my stomach didn’t have a head. I mean, it’s a legitimately baked up turkey and hell, it’s ready to be eaten. I make one more effort to cut that thing and it goes to tossing and turning again. I woke up after that ’cause for me, this is akin to a nightmare, being that I didn’t eat nothing but fowl and fish. I wanted that damn turkey on my plate. Nevertheless folks, I gave up on it ’cause every time thereafter, I’d think of that grunting turkey tossing and turning in that roaster. I couldn’t enjoy a good bird meal of any kind on account of that dream but I’m a soft core vegetarian. I still think that shit looks and smells good when it’s cooked up right. It’s almost like being on a diet but I’m stronger with this than any diet I’ve ever been on.
But look folks, it was so nice of y’all to drop by. I was thinking about dropping my accent and all but you know, it’s kinda the only familiar thing I have on me now. You can take the girl outta the south but you can’t, well, you know the rest.