If you’re familiar with All in the Family, you know that Archie Bunker not only made the show, he was the show. He was an amalgamation of many folks, two of them being a racist and male chauvinist. He was so believable in what he stood for that he was one of those TV folk one loved to hate. One thing for sure, he provoked a consciousness of thought about topical subjects that are still relevant today.
Initially, when I was going for my Masters, my thesis was based on 1970′s shows and the lack of black visibility; how those images, if portrayed as African-American, or Negro at that time, would’ve affected the black psyche or self-image. Turned out, I ended up not mastering in art but in another field. Though, I kinda always wonder how my work would’ve turned out ’cause I still have the paintings I started during my brief stint as an MFA student.
While I won’t exhibit those paintings here (cause they’re in oil and would take awhile still to complete),what I aim to do is take some of those topics, showing Archie in typical form. Here’s one you may have some opinions about.
Hello, lovelies. As you can see, I’m on the set of The View and you can also see that I’ve taken the seat of the Head Huncho. Move on Barbs, The Beatrice is in the house. That’s right, I can fill your shoes and take over this joint if necessary.
People, I hope you’re View watchers because I get to have my say come the fall season, when Elizabeth, Joy and Barbara are long gone. I’ll be so glad when they make their final exit. Must I tell you…Of course, I must…that Elizabeth and Whoopi don’t get along. You see, the kitchen is too hot with Whoopi in there and Elizabeth can’t stand it, so she’s headed over to that network of opinionated journalists called Fox News, following in the footsteps of none other than Sarah Palin. You remember her, right? The one who ripped off her state and got a deal with Fox to rant and rave about what she reads in ALL the news magazines. Sarah, you must be exhausted, Sweetie. As for you Elizabeth, I say, go on. I won’t miss you and I’m sure Whoopi will be pleasantly pleased to see the back of you. And one last thing, Sugar. I hope you don’t get it in your mind to run for president. Though it would be quite farcical to see you and Sarah on the same ticket. You both are arrogant enough to do something so idiotic, I wouldn’t be surprised at all.
And Chris - I’m talking Jenner style – What in the world are you doing with a talk show, Hon? Why on earth do you have a new platform to continue talking about absolutely nothing? You are a silly woman. I can’t be too mad at you though because you are raking in the dough. If I were given a venue to be superficial, I’d most definitely play that up to the fullest and enjoy the ching-ching in my bank account too, girlfriend. You do that.
Well, View ladies, and Whoopi, it’s been nice chatting it up with you. I’m sorry you didn’t get an opportunity to talk. Personally, I think there are too many of you on the show anyway. It should be called The Views of Beatrice. Though, since nothing has been finalized, in the interim, I’d settle for Shut Up, Elizabeth.
Yours Dearly & Truly,
Beatrice from Apt. 7B
So, have you heard or do I need to put out the word, that Oprah’s producing Life with LaToya on OWN. I’m so utterly beside myself, I’m cooling off as I speak in front of Totsy’s window fan. Well, she doesn’t really have one but since a good amount of southern folk do, I thought I’d say it. But to get on with my story.
I’m not sure who I should address about this, so if it appears as if I’m talking to Oprah, you and LaToya, go with it.
First of all, I’m a gossip columnist, who cooks and solves Hollywood love/disaster mysteries. Now Oprah, wouldn’t I have made a better candidate than LaToya for a reality show? What on earth would the public find so intriguing about LaToya versus moi? You know Michael wouldn’t want her on a reality show. The brothers were already approached about a show before Michael dearly departed us and he said no.
I, on the other hand, who have no connection to the family, other than getting the scoop, have been vying to get on OWN since its inception. No, I haven’t been watching the network because I’ve been busy and there’s no OWN in this desert where Totsy’s holding me hostage. But still, Opes. I’m good for a show. I give you all the Hollywood juice while whipping the audience up a good meal. I mean, come on Oprah. We’re almost the same size. And look at mine and LaToya’s photo. Visually speaking, who could do more for the camera? Her or moi?
And what on God’s green earth could you possibly have to say, LaToya? I’m imagining you texting and tweeting all day about pretty much nothing. Am I hatin’? Why, I most certainly am. It just goes to show, it’s all about who you know in this business. I bet you didn’t even let the phone come to a full ring when you saw Oprah’s name pop up. You certainly couldn’t have been busy, unless you were tweeting or texting, of course.
I need to go now, people. I feel like I’m about to be repetitive in my speech since I feel a serious rant coming on. I’m getting really hot. Plus, I’m so tired of Totsy putting this photo, illustration or whatever you want to call it, of me on this blog with no eyelashes on my left eye. That’s why Oprah picked LaToya over me. She can’t have anyone on her network with eyelashes on one eye. I mean, really. It’s all Totsy’s fault, not paying attention to details. It certainly wasn’t for a lack of my skills or abilities.
This oversight on Oprah’s part calls for a tall glass of lemonade on the veranda in my skinny-dipping suit.