Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘to-do list’

"Colors l" Watercolor and Ink. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

“Colors l” Watercolor and Ink. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

Happy New Year to you, folks. I hope life is treating you kind and you’re doing the same for it, meaning all living things and folks out there. And I really hope that’s not an effort on your part but I know everybody’s got their personal challenges, special needs and what have you. Hell, that’s all a part of living, so we have to work with what we’ve got.

Now, I’m not doing what I did last year and tell you I’m gonna do this and that for my resolutions. Shit, I didn’t resolve half of what I set out to do last year, so I won’t sit here and lie to myself again. Matter of fact, I don’t even remember half the things I said I’d do. That fine list of Gonna-Dos faded into glory, quite frankly, a week or so into the 2012 new year. I had to hunt the list down and called myself typing it up and checking off my accomplishments but I’ll be damn if that wasn’t work. To this day, I can’t remember the name of the document or where I saved it on the computer.

Now, I do recall a coupla things I’d put on the list – that I wanted to learn how to knit so I could stitch caps for folks with cancer. I’m so very, very embarassed folks. For all my good intentions, I flew off to Saudi Arabia and couldn’t remember where I put the damn knitting needles when I got back. I don’t think I bought the right yarn anyhow. I could say I’d do it this year but that may sound too much like a resolution and if I do what I did last year, which was nothing, I won’t knit the caps again, resulting in another lie and I’m not supposed to be a good liar but looks like I could very well be better at it than I think, which is no consolation to me.

And you know the thing about resolutions, it’s really sad when you have to resolve to do something you should already be doing. You see, I had to redirect this from me to you so it wouldn’t look as though I’m beating myself up. Or at least so I wouldn’t feel alone. I mean, who likes to be alone? Like, you really should be exercising and losing weight, especially if the doctor’s told you you need to shed some of them pounds. Better yet, why would you even wait for somebody to tell you to lose weight? Or stop wasting money? Or whatever, whatever…

Now. I already know I won’t be wasting my money at a fitness center. Since I know I won’t go, there’s no sense in me acting like I will. I don’t feel special or whatnot in having a fitness membership card. For me, it’s like, oh hell, I’ve wasted myself some money. I just don’t like working out in settings like that. And let’s just cut through the chase. I don’t like working out period. It feels good when I do but between you and me, a fitness membership is gonna be a real hard sell for me; however, the up side is I won’t be wasting money. In that way anyhow.

Here’s to you and the new year, folks. Have a good one.

About these ads

Read Full Post »

Should you ever see me in public and I, unfortunately, happen to have a booger in my nose, let a sistah know what’s up. I tend to think I’m cute and try to work IT when I step out from time to time. We’re in the cold season and shit will happen. Do know that if I knew I had the damn thing, I’d handle the matter but if you see it and I don’t, it then becomes your responsibility to make that information available to me. If you ain’t part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. Okay?

"Sophisticated Lady" Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae

Being the southern belle I am, I tend to say good morning to folks. When I say it to you, open your mouth and show me some courtesy. You know you heard me. I saw you looking in my mouth and you still didn’t open up yours to acknowledge me? Just know that should unkind words hit the rumor mill about you, I started it.

On the other hand, should you say good morning and not hear me respond, it could very well be that it’s not a particularly good morning for me. Do not, under any circumstances, say something like, “GOOD MORNING,” in a harsh tone for me to speak back. The world don’t revolve around you. If I’m in a funk, it revolves around me at the moment. Keep in mind that my southern bell may be off and it’s not likely that speaking harshly to me will turn it on.

I don’t know why it never worked out visually for me to see women folk in public wearing sweat pants and sneakers but please, don’t do it. I, folks, despite my keep-it-real attitude, am a bit of a snob when it comes to this sorta thing. I will look at you really hard and wonder if you were raised better. I don’t care if you’re slim as a butter knife, sweats and sneakers ain’t the look you wanna have should a car back out from a parking space and hit you. Take the time to fix yourself up before you wind up on the YouTube in a compromising position. The last thing you want is me somewhere in the camera saying, “I told yo’ ass.”

If you so happen to visit my blog during a blog hop we’ve mutually joined in, don’t leave me a comment saying, “I’m stopping by for the blog hop,” and be on your merry way. That looks a tad flighty to me. Plus, it’s a waste of your time. You don’t have to sit and have a longwinded conversation with me but say something relevant. You don’t even have to mention the blog hop, as far as I’m concerned. Understand that I’m as interested in you as I want you to be in me. Extend your thoughts in a way that’ll mean something to both of us.

If we’re ever riding in a vehicle together and I happen to be the driver, let me be the driver. I took Driver’s Education in high school and while I managed to pull a ‘D’ from the class, I’m an expert after having a few accidents, not all of which were my fault. I can sense a cop on the side of the road and know when to slow down. That means I don’t need you yelling and scaring the shit outta me, telling me to go down on the brake.

Should I ever visit your home and, God forbid, you’ve got yourself a doll collection in a reserved room of your house, know that I’m no more interested in it than I am of Freddy Krueger being my boyfriend. I have never had a thing for dolls and I’m even less into a buncha them piled in a room together. Understand that I will stop being your friend should you ever introduce them to me. I’m a playful kinda person but I ain’t into the strangeness of no dolls. Not to be funny or nothing but I will assume you to be afflicted with some kinda mental illness should you invest in all of these fake folk taking up square inches in your home.

It may be best that you don’t offer me any dairy, sodium, sugar or flour-based foods if I ever come to your house. While I love me some sweets and whatnot, I’ve had to give up so much in the food area. You’d be safe in offering me a bottle of water, raisins, or unsalted nuts. Don’t think I’m haughty and get offended. It’s not you, it’s me. I’ve had to be a lot more conscious about my food choices that’s sending me toward veganism. Yeah, one of those high maintenance type folk who looks hungry all the time.

Now, if I can be of any assistance at all in helping you to fulfill resolutions on my end for you, feel free to hit me up with a comment. Let’s get this thing right so we don’t rock each others boats as we make this a happy new year.

Read Full Post »

Since I’ve been hearing so much about bucket lists, some shit Oprah got people jumping the bandwagon on, I decided to make one myself. Not because I’m part of that cult of Oprah fans but believe it or not, I was scanning the internet and came across a photo, which so inspired me. Because that particular photo prompted this post, I’ll start my list with it. Here goes, folks:

Let me at him, y'all. I just need is a pair of scissors, a long ass rope and a stand-alone chair.

  • I wanna fly out to California, knock on Jermaine Jackson’s door with a pair of scissors and cut his hair. I really do, folks. BAD! It’s not so much that he’s got a lot of hair, it’s the style he’s got it in that I hope never comes back. He’s patiently waiting for that trend of bad ass hair days for men to recycle. I fear I may have to give it a good washing first. I know, I usually don’t give nobody a hard time on this here blog besides me, but it’s my list.
  • I wanna take a semi-nude group photo with some of my favorite men. I’d be poised in the center wearing some Victoria’s Secret attire, striking that Marilyn Monroe pose where she was wearing the white, backless dress standing over that vent with it flying up around her thighs. Those men standing back there like eye-candy would be Blair Underwood, Denzel Washington, Mark Vartan and Patrick Dempsey. I ain’t greedy but look at those men. Quality is what I’m after, folks.

Lordy, mercy!!!

  • I wanna get my tummy lipo-suctioned and put some of the meat they get from there on my ass. We’ve been through this before in a previous post, Booty Perceptions. Read up on it and you’ll fully understand this desire for my bucket.
  • I wanna be in a play. Not anything big. I don’t even have to have a speaking role but I wanna be on stage and doing something that’ll make folk remember what I did, even if that means taking off Blair Underwood’s shirt in real slow motion. No words needed for that, folks and who wouldn’t remember that?
  • I wanna arrange a five-year hiatus for Beyonce. Folks, she said she took a year off but damn, if that wasn’t the quickest year I’ve ever witnessed. Seemed like she was still all up in my face. Don’t get me wrong, I like Beyonce and I think she’s a genuinely nice person but I need to rest up from her, and enjoy the limelight of folk I dig on a deeper level, like India.Arie, Kemistry, Sarah McLachlan, Alanis Morissette, Will Downing and the like. Like I said, I do enjoy Beyonce but I’m worn down with all the ass-shaking and wanna hear some music and see the kinda folk who make music get down in my bones.

Angry and tender lyrics of a songbird, my Shero, Alanis Morissette

  • I wanna go to the Board of Health or wherever the hell’s necessary to get weave banned. I’m sorry, folks but I’m so tired of looking at it. Down where I am, folk been robbing stores to steal weave and reselling it. I say steal all that shit and burn it, so I can replace this mission with some other bucket list task. Plus, not everybody’s wearing that shit right. Even my Little Totsy’s been asking to get pieces of hair glued up in her head. HELL NAW! I can see folk wearing it on occasion but it’s too excessive. If I have to take it to the supreme court, so be it!
  • I wanna buy me an apartment in London, so I can write. If being an expatriate worked for James Baldwin, it can for me too. Maybe I’ll catch Kate and William shopping in the grocery store and I can drop this country ass accent once we got to hanging out. I don’t think we could do lunch together. She looks hungry to me and I wouldn’t wanna look greedy with eating all my food and her eating like a bird.

I’d best end it here. This ain’t long but it’s gonna take strong focus and tenacity to get these tasks scratched off. I foresee the hardest of all these is me getting Jermaine to sit his ass down for that much-needed haircut.

Hey, what about you? What are some of your future hopes and dreams before you kick it?

Read Full Post »

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,546 other followers