Okay folks, today I’m tearing myself away from Mittens Romney. I’ve been so obsessed with him and honestly, I have other matters that’re more deserving of my affections ’cause he’s been affecting what I write here and I can’t let him consume so much of my time ’cause it’s so precious and all, it’s like he’s, well, should I even say this or would it even be appropriate at my age, but it’s like he’s stolen my, uh, aheeeemmm, virginity. You know, my writing and the freshness of it all. I didn’t come here to talk about him though, ’cause he’s saying so much shit I can’t keep up with anymore. But I couldn’t help asking myself, “Really, Mittens? So, you’re all sprayed up and looking Latino, or as the backdrop on Bashir’s news show displayed ‘HisPanic’ and you know me, it didn’t take long for me to start thinking I’d like to see that paint on the real brownish side and while you’re at it Mittens, how about coiffing your do into an afro, as I think you’d look good in a Dashiki and shit. After all, you did become southern when you came down my way and ate some grits and by the way, why don’t you become Asian for me too ’cause Asian Americans vote and since you now believe that folk are free to marry whoever, be gay for me and hang out at one of them parades wearing a tutu or something hot pink to show us how much you really believe. Don’t be partial. Just be all of everybody and keep flipping and flapping like a fish on dry land and remember to let those airplane windows down on your next campaign trail stop ’cause I’ve been in those tin boxes for hours at a time and it does get hot in there sometimes, don’t it? But oh, I forgot. I don’t ride first or business class unless I get bumped up and it has happened a few times on account of me being likeable, I guess, unlike yourself. I know you’re not trying to be all mean ’cause you’re being your natural self but you’re really pissing folk off and everybody’s laughing at you like they did Sarah Palin, which, by another way, I hope both of you see your mirrored images in one another and just give up politics. Being president is not an entitlement, you know. You have to appeal to folks and have diplomacy skills, which you seriously lack. By a third way, did you even go to college ’cause I wanna see some authentication of that.
Lordy mercy, I don’t remember what I wanted to say anymore.