Posted onJune 7, 2014
I’ve accomplished a lotta resolutions already. While I made them about five years ago, they’re still accomplishments worth noting. It also means that I didn’t forget I owed myself and says something about my stick-to-it-ness. I’m like that little ole ant determined to move the rubber tree plant or The Little Engine That Could. That being said, I’m thinking of writing a book of affirmations. I just love being inspired, no matter that I forget what I’m inspired to do.
Anyway, I feel very qualified to author in this genre on account of being like most folk in the world. I like giving advice I fall short on abiding by myself. Not that my readers would know this. Unless they read this blog. And they should, if they wanna know what inspired me to write such a book, being that it’s coming from an honest place…Not that I remember why I wanna write the book…Hmmm…Oh yeah, I’m that little ole ant.
Anyhow, again. I could say things like ‘Set your clock early.’ From there, I could tell them to hit snooze only once, which I honestly never do since I’m a morning person. I’d then go on to tell folk to roll outta that bed and brush them teeth before they set the world afire. In a bad way. I’d tell them to put one leg in their pants at a time. It’s tough for some folk to get up and running, or walking, for that matter. On the other hand, who knows? Some folk may have an ingenious way of putting their pants on, with all the developments in technology and what have you. Maybe their cell phone puts them on with the touch of a button. Heck, folk are getting lazier by the minute and controlled by all manner of gadgets these days, you know.
I don’t think I’d like to have my phone in that much control. Like, helping to dress and undress me. What if it’s lost, which has no code, and somebody finds it? That person may get to pressing buttons if I’m hanging out in the mall or by some miracle, I could be in church. Can you imagine? Being that it’s such a smart phone, it can’t be reported lost if found. What if I somehow made it home, thinking that’s where I lost it and it’s not there. I’d be bound to the house. Worst yet, say after being bound for so long, I go borrow a cuppa sugar from my single male neighbor on the right side of me, whom I never visit. It would be my luck for somebody to press a button just as he opens the door. Maybe this very blog post could inspire somebody to invent such a thing. Though, I certainly hope it wouldn’t be at my expense.
1. Carry breath mints.
2. Produce more than you consume.
3. Never go for seconds at the dinner table. The food will be there tomorrow. In other words, refer back to rule number 2.
4. Listen more. Talk less. Stock up with superglue, if needed. (Masking tape will work also but it may cause public humiliation.)
5. Get over what it is you’re not over. Staying where you are stunts your growth and eventually folk will not wanna be bothered with you.
6. Wear clothing fit for your body type, sex and age, not somebody else’s. Transvestites are exempt, however.
7. Mind your business.
8. Limit Facebook statuses. Nobody cares as much as you do anyhow.
9. Stop pretending. However, if you’re faking it ’til you make it and haven’t made it yet, cry yourself to sleep at night and start putting a Plan B or C in place.
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