“Yack” Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2013
After tomorrow, I have time all to myself. I’ve been looking in the mirror, asking Myself, “So whatchu gonna do?” and Myself hasn’t answered back yet. I don’t know what her plans are for me but I’ve got a real strong feeling she’ll have me working in the yard. She sorta mentioned it already but knowing that I ignored her, she’s singing a cut the grass song, so it’s ringing in my head.
Now, Myself knows good and well I can’t be on my feet all day in nobody’s yard, even if it is my own. She did say I can soak my feet afterwards but she didn’t have to tell me that. Feet hollers loud enough to let me know. Okay?
Myself has a way of making me do things I ain’t rightly up to doing. She’s had me working so hard at times, Feet, Legs, Thighs and all them get to telling me to sit down. Myself keeps pushing it though ’cause she gets all bothered when she’s in the mood to do stuff and I tell her to stop. Said if it was left to me, I’d be eating Sorbet or some other whatnot all day and raised Eyebrow up at me, asking what the devil was wrong with me anyhow. Well, I couldn’t rightly respond with any kinda intelligence, so I kept right on working ’til the mission was accomplished.
You should’ve heard Feet, Legs, Thighs, and even Hips joined in, giving me the business. Talking about they were gonna wait three days ‘fore they settled in and start hurting me on account of me not giving them no rest. True to their word, they did exactly what they said they’d do. All I could do was sit there and take it. Lips told Tongue to cluck against Teeth when Eyes acted like they wanted to cry. Myself rolled Neck and said, “Lordy mercy, ain’t this about nothing…”
“Ready Food” Digital Art / Copyright 2013 Totsymae
It’s official. Obesity is now a disease. I’m not sure what to make of it. Other than the fact that I know I need to get some pounds offa me. I know my problem ain’t about no disease. I’ve been pure lazy. Not that I’m obese but I better do something quick, fast and in a hurry. Know what I mean? This has gotten ridiculous and I’m on my nerves.
First, it was too cold to go out walking. Or, I didn’t have time, Or, I was too hot, OR. OR. OR! You get my drift? Now, the excuse is that I’m tired and my feet hurt and I need my rest and whatever else I can think of. But I tell you the honest truth folks. My feet are hurting today. I am tired and you might as well say when it comes right down to the nitty gritty of my matter, I don’t wanna be bothered with no exercise.
Yeah, I know all about how it makes the dolphins flip and feel good inside of you but I don’t have anymore. They went hunting, swimming or something or another and I’m not trying to hurry’em back this way. I tell you what though. I’m thinking of following thls new trend of getting the fat sucked right outta me. It’s easy and darn near free, with insurance. Matter of fact, I’m gonna have some muscles inserted to all the right places so I’ll look like I’ve been exercising all my life. Know what else? I’m gonna have some legs installed that’ll walk for me and get a whole new face ’cause I’m about tired of this one anyhow. I’m gonna start a charitable organization too, where fat is donated to my non-profit and I, in turn, feed the hungry and charge all the skinny folk for fat out there wearing leggings like they get a pass just ’cause they’re skinny. Uh. No.
It’s a good plan, if I do say so myself. Why, with folk loving quick food the way they do, I may as well open up a fast food joint. Why not? Y’all all about recycling, right?