Oprah and Her Disciples

"Oprah" Watercolor on Paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae

“Oprah” Watercolor on Paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae

No, this is not an Oprah-bashing blog post. I, rather, like Oprah. I’m not an Oprah fanatic, however. I’m too practical and level-headed to be fawning over her. I reserve all that for Harry Connick, Jr, Johnny Depp and, well, honestly, Denzel’s kinda fallen off the hot radar for me. I’m not sure why other than to say I’m not interested anymore. The love has gone stale, you might say.

Well, I was sitting here watching Dr. Phil and it got me to thinking about all the folk Oprah’s put on the map for us to follow. You have to admit, Oprah keeps good company. Not with us but us with her. Oprah’s, after all, the modern guru of self-help. And all the folk she’s put on the map wants to help you in some sorta way.

Suze Orman wants you pinch your pennies and squeeze  breakfast juice from them. Dr. Phil wants to rearrange your psyche and sell books by his son’s, Jay’s, publishing company. Iyanla Vanzant will come to your home and fix your life right at your kitchen table. Rachael Ray has the amazing gift of cooking you up a meal and talking your head off at the same time. She’s just amazing, folks. And last, but certainly not least, Dr. Oz will fix your heart and send you into an anxiety attack with his rushed speech and sense of urgency. Doc, I’m really gonna need you to slow down before watching you again, okay?

When you think about it, Oprah is…like…Jesus. She’s got herself a flock and her flock has a flocka folk following them. On Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. You name it. She took Jesus at his word and became fruitful by spreading the good word. I mean, her word must be good to have all these followers…like…Jesus. Verily, verily I say unto you, folks, I reckon if you’re a follower, you’re…ahem…a…worshipper.

I’m not sure how many disciples Oprah has. Probably twelve. I’m not rightly sure. You tell me, okay? And you know what else? All of Oprah’s disciples write books, same as what Jesus’ disciples did.

Look, I’m not here to judge ye, throw stones or anything of that nature. It just so happens that God spake these words unto me to put it out to you, alright?

It’s A Social Media Jungle Out There

"So N Love" Oil Pastel. Copyright 2014 Totsymae

“So N Love” Oil Pastel. Copyright 2014 Totsymae

Folks, I finally got a Pinterest account. It was nothing like getting a credit or background check but I tell you folks, seems like that would be easier. I got a Facebook page I don’t halfway use. Luckily, the posts here automatically go there ’cause I’mma tell you the truth. Once I say what I want on this blog, I’ve said all I’m pretty much gonna say all day. Nobody needs to be able to locate where I’m Facebooking or Pinteresting from either. Oh, and don’t forget about my Twitter and Youtube accounts. Not to mention the email accounts. It’s driving me to snack. Now. Ask me if I remember any of the passwords. I get lucky, is all.

I used to have a Stumble On account but I didn’t like it. I can’t remember why. Somebody invited me to Klout and who in their right mind doesn’t want to have klout. Me, that’s who. I mean, it’s all too much. I have a life to live. It’s a social media jungle out there. When I first started with all this networking, I was on them fairly often. Facebook had its uses when I was in Saudi Arabia but now that I’m here, I don’t bother with it.

You know, I feel like I’m trying to keep up with the Joneses or be in some social club I wasn’t built for. And there are constant reminders of doom that if you’re not connected in these savvy ways, you may as well crawl under a rock and put your cave gear on. Well, I’m gonna keep my gear laundered and in the closet in case there’s another looming threat like Y2K.  Don’t laugh, you may just see me on the Yahoo list of  Who’s Trending Now.

 

 

 

 

Self-Obsessed aka Facebook

Image Manipulation in Photoshop by Totsymae

“Anthony Weiner” Image Manipulation in Photoshop by Totsymae

7:30 am – I cut the grass. And yes, you do care. Like this status and win a ticket to your house.

9:00 am – Took a shower and sat on the sofa in a daze from cutting all that grass.

10:00 am – I’ve decided I really don’t like Facebook. Why do folk plan their days around it anyway?

11:00 am – Juiced a buncha carrots and some other vegetables. Boy, was it nasty…Why is it not okay to grab some leaves off a tree and snack on them with Picante Sauce?

12:30 pm – The summer art project with the homeschoolers is almost a wrap.

3:00 pm – Every time I turn around, I’m hungry. This is really getting on my nerves.

3:30 pm – I could really go for that vanilla ice cream and graham crackers in the kitchen. Been thinking about it for three whole days. Ridiculous…

4:30 pm – My inner chunky girl wants the carbs, not me. I’m like, so above that…Aren’t I?

8:30 pm – I wonder who could clean my studio on the cheap…I’m retiring Facebook, btw.

10:00 pm – I just love that broccoli soup from Publix…Okay, no more talk about food.

11:30 pm – Okay, I’m hungry again and I don’t think tree leaves and Picante Sauce are gonna cut it…If I was sleep, I wouldn’t even know I was hungry.

12:00 am – I have a cure for everything but how to shut up.

No, these were not real statuses on Facebook or anywhere. Dear Readers, do you obsess with social media? Can you go one week without it?