Under the Knife

"Ready Food" Digital Art / Copyright 2013 Totsymae

“Ready Food” Digital Art / Copyright 2013 Totsymae

It’s official. Obesity is now a disease. I’m not sure what to make of it. Other than the fact that I know I need to get some pounds offa me. I know my problem ain’t about no disease. I’ve been pure lazy. Not that I’m obese but I better do something quick, fast and in a hurry. Know what I mean?  This has gotten ridiculous and I’m on my nerves.

First, it was too cold to go out walking. Or, I didn’t have time, Or, I was too hot, OR. OR. OR! You get my drift? Now, the excuse is that I’m tired and my feet hurt and I need my rest and whatever else I can think of. But I tell you the honest truth folks. My feet are hurting today. I am tired and you might as well say when it comes right down to the nitty gritty of my matter, I don’t wanna be bothered with no exercise.

Yeah, I know all about how it makes the dolphins flip and feel good inside of you but I don’t have anymore. They went hunting, swimming or something or another and I’m not trying to hurry’em back this way. I tell you what though. I’m thinking of following thls new trend of getting the fat sucked right outta me. It’s easy and darn near free, with insurance. Matter of fact, I’m gonna have some muscles inserted to all the right places so I’ll look like I’ve been exercising all my life. Know what else? I’m gonna have some legs installed that’ll walk for me and get a whole new face ’cause I’m about tired of this one anyhow. I’m gonna start a charitable organization too, where fat is donated to my non-profit and I, in turn,  feed the hungry and charge all the skinny folk for fat out there wearing leggings like they get a pass just ’cause they’re skinny. Uh. No.

It’s a good plan, if I do say so myself. Why, with folk loving quick food the way they do, I may as well open up a fast food joint. Why not? Y’all all about recycling, right?

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Talking Body Parts

"Untitled" Digital Art / Copyright 2013 Totsymae

“Untitled” Digital Art / Copyright 2013 Totsymae

I know you don’t care to know this, so you can stop reading if you want. I simply have a need to express myself. Plus, this is what a blog’s for, so you may wanna go ahead and finish this ride with me. After all, that’s why you clicked the title in your in box. But you’re getting me side-tracked, which is real easy to do ’cause I’m trying to get my mind off my aching feet.

You see, I worked at home for nearly a year and sat down all day long. Working solo, I got on my nerves so bad and became real tired of having conversations with myself at the water cooler. I’d get to talking about myself to myself and then go back and say something else. You know, being a backstabber. It got real heated for a minute but it couldn’t get physical or anything like that. I mean, I’d be blogging from the room of a padded wall if that was the case.

Anyhow, I had to get out among folk and being that I was unaccustomed to being on my feet, these dogs of mine are wondering what the heck is going on and asking why I didn’t consult. Even had the audacity to slap me with the extra weight it had to hold up on account of me eating so much, with the refrigerator being so accessible and all. I was like, “You just gonna have to get used to it! If you’d’ve kept me walking around the neighborhood, you wouldn’t be hurting so bad. And why you wearing sandals anyhow? Out here trying to look cute, huh…You need a pedicure.”

After this back and forth action, Feet reminded me to sit my tail down ’cause no weight was coming off with us standing there arguing with each other. Well, I sat on down and I figure with my hands moving across this keyboard and me thinking so hard about what to say on this blog was probably the most exercise I’d get today. After all, I can’t have Feet complaining and throbbing and whatnot.

Dear folks, what body parts are talking to you lately?