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Posts Tagged ‘exercise’

"Colors l" Watercolor and Ink. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

“Colors l” Watercolor and Ink. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

Happy New Year to you, folks. I hope life is treating you kind and you’re doing the same for it, meaning all living things and folks out there. And I really hope that’s not an effort on your part but I know everybody’s got their personal challenges, special needs and what have you. Hell, that’s all a part of living, so we have to work with what we’ve got.

Now, I’m not doing what I did last year and tell you I’m gonna do this and that for my resolutions. Shit, I didn’t resolve half of what I set out to do last year, so I won’t sit here and lie to myself again. Matter of fact, I don’t even remember half the things I said I’d do. That fine list of Gonna-Dos faded into glory, quite frankly, a week or so into the 2012 new year. I had to hunt the list down and called myself typing it up and checking off my accomplishments but I’ll be damn if that wasn’t work. To this day, I can’t remember the name of the document or where I saved it on the computer.

Now, I do recall a coupla things I’d put on the list – that I wanted to learn how to knit so I could stitch caps for folks with cancer. I’m so very, very embarassed folks. For all my good intentions, I flew off to Saudi Arabia and couldn’t remember where I put the damn knitting needles when I got back. I don’t think I bought the right yarn anyhow. I could say I’d do it this year but that may sound too much like a resolution and if I do what I did last year, which was nothing, I won’t knit the caps again, resulting in another lie and I’m not supposed to be a good liar but looks like I could very well be better at it than I think, which is no consolation to me.

And you know the thing about resolutions, it’s really sad when you have to resolve to do something you should already be doing. You see, I had to redirect this from me to you so it wouldn’t look as though I’m beating myself up. Or at least so I wouldn’t feel alone. I mean, who likes to be alone? Like, you really should be exercising and losing weight, especially if the doctor’s told you you need to shed some of them pounds. Better yet, why would you even wait for somebody to tell you to lose weight? Or stop wasting money? Or whatever, whatever…

Now. I already know I won’t be wasting my money at a fitness center. Since I know I won’t go, there’s no sense in me acting like I will. I don’t feel special or whatnot in having a fitness membership card. For me, it’s like, oh hell, I’ve wasted myself some money. I just don’t like working out in settings like that. And let’s just cut through the chase. I don’t like working out period. It feels good when I do but between you and me, a fitness membership is gonna be a real hard sell for me; however, the up side is I won’t be wasting money. In that way anyhow.

Here’s to you and the new year, folks. Have a good one.

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“Profile in Blue” Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae

After a three-week hiatus from the gym, I started working out again yesterday. It’s not so easy to restart working out. I just told Monica’s Tangled Web that working out is one of the things that keeps me focused on some of the good things that I’ve picked up here in The Kingdom and away from not so good stuff that happens.  So, this is the conversation my brain and body had:

Body: What do you mean you’re doing 30 minutes on the bike? I haven’t been in this sweatbox for three weeks now. How about twenty?

Brain: No. You need to push yourself more. Stop being lazy. You’ve been lying around long enough. You’re falling by the wayside and beginning to look like shit. And I feel like shit.

Body: Speak for your damn self, okay?

Brain: Look, the wedding’s tomorrow. You don’t look as good now as you did a month ago. I’m ashamed to even be associated with you these days. Get on the damn bike and let’s do this.

Body: Okay but I get to stop for rest when I want.

Brain: Sure thing. Long as you do thirty minutes.

Halfway through

Body: Uuggghh…I’m dying. And you forgot to bring the water. I’m so thirsty. I’m so tired. I’m so–.

Brain: Shut up and keep going.

Body: You told me I could rest.

Brain: Take one.

After 30 minutes on the bike.

Brain: See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?

Body: I told you I could do it. I wish you’d stop doubting me at every turn.

Brain: Now, let’s do some sets on the weight bench.

Body: You’re trying to kill me!

Brain: Shut up and get your ass on the bench. I’m getting sleepy.

Body: And you should be. Got me moving around like some guru at 5:30 in the damn morning. What the –.

Brain: Get over here and stop wasting time. We can take a nap when we get back to the villa.

Body: Well, let’s be swift about it then. I’m ready to lay down anyway.

After pressing weights on the bench.

Brain: That wasn’t so bad after all, was it? Don’t you feel better about yourself? We’ll come back in the morning.  We’ve gotta get back into our routine, you know. Just wait until you get back to the states. You’re gonna be the shit, thanks to me.

Body: (Heifer!)

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“Madonna” Google Image.

Or did I never tell you?

You do realize we’re both lions and our daughters are Libras, born days apart right? Only thing is, Madonna’s been married one time more than me and there’s that teeny matter of the income gap between us. I’m working on it though, along with the whole Madonna physique thing. Well, I was.

Somewhere, between eating a sandwich and lifting 20 kilos, I got tired. I’m like, “Totsy, who the hell you kidding? You’re doing good to walk around the damn compound for an hour.” I imagine for Madonna to look the way she does, she’s doing far more than getting her heart rate up with brisk walking or that other jive ass exercise I call myself doing. And too, I imagine if she’s doing push-ups, she’s not on her knees doing them like me either. But then, I didn’t want her arms in the first place. I wanted Michelle Obama’s arms, Janet Jackson’s ass and Jennifer Lopez’s abs.

See, you have to piece together what you want in this life and go for it. Though somehow, I changed my mind. ‘Cause to be honest, I don’t have that kinda time. Seriously. None of them are writing books. If they do, they hire themselves a ghost writer and then get a personal trainer to work their bodies out and  a chef to cook them skinny foods. I have no such luxuries.

And then, I look around at the women folk I’m working with now and I ain’t bragging or nothing but I know physically, I’m much better off than they are. So I get to thinking, ‘I must be the Madonna among us.’ And for real folks, sometimes you know, whether you vocalize it or not, and I don’t. Which makes me think I have to work harder in the little gym over here if I wanna keep up my “Madonna” status. Maybe I need to walk around this place a little faster or take up running.

But folks, I know me. I ain’t running nowhere unlessen something’s chasing behind me, trying to bite me in the ass. I ain’t hardly trying to have somebody rationing my food to me either. And actually, I’m doing a decent enough job at that myself. I’m back to eating apples again since I’ve grown tired of cooked foods. And the whole deal with getting Jennifer Lopez abs, well, it just ain’t working out being that I only may do 100 crunches a week. Shit, I get busy doing nothing and forget sometimes. You know, my mind’s preoccupied with lifting my abaya when I walk up stairs, trying to keep folk from jumping ahead of me in line, trying to figure out a way to get into some trouble over here without going to jail and narrowing down the shit on my to-do list once I finish the list I’m working on now. I’m just busy, folks. I’m living a real life. Forget Madonna and all them.

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Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2011 Totsymae

If somebody told you, “Folk, when you ’round that corner in your office on Monday morning, somebody’s gonna bop you upside the head,” you’d go off in another direction, wouldn’t you? Folks, I wish something or somebody had told me I’d be losing my key to my little villa today.

Now, I came on in the place and looked real good in my purse and laptop bag. No key. I then went on to have me some dinner, which I typically eat around 4:00 but I had a meeting at that time, so I got my grub on around 3:35, right? It was good and all. I’d found me a way to make a nice little veggie sandwich, or sammich to folk taking my Speaking Southern 101 class.

Okay. I went on to the meeting, which lasted a good two hours, ’cause wasn’t nobody but women folk there, except the guy who called the meeting, so you know there was some unnecessary yacking and gripes in there to cause the meeting to drag on as such, right? I mean, damn. It’s like Friday ’cause Thursday and Friday is the weekend over here.

So, we get out of the meeting and I met the fella who manages the little place. When he gets to twisting on the door handle and it won’t open, he goes, “Problem.” I’m thinking, “No fucking kidding, Sherlock.” Let me just tell you, over here, there ain’t no hurry to get jack done. I already know this but also, I see there’s no back-up plan for folk locked outta the villa. You just shit outta luck. His ass left and to this very second, ain’t gave me a follow-up to what’s gonna happen with getting me in the room.

Okay. I start plotting how to get into the room myself, of course. I got to unscrewing every screw I could with a butter knife and you know how badly that can go if you got that cross-like shape on the screw. Damn tip of the knife got to twisting up. I took a rock and beat on the window and the damn thing wouldn’t break. Then, I go back inside the villa and got to unscrewing everything on the doorknob. That didn’t work either, folks.

You know what came next, right? Oh, hell yeah. I became superwoman who’d, apparently, lost her superpowers. My dumb ass gonna go back into the living room for a running start so I could bust the damn door down. Not only did the door not budge a speck but I be damned if it didn’t feel like somebody had bopped me on the head once my shoulder hit that door. Evidently, I wanted to get in that room real bad, right? I give myself another running start two more times and got the same results. Head justa ringing and shit. That was the sign for me to go sit my ass on the sofa to do some thinking on how to get inside that room sensibly, which is where I’m sitting now.

Anyhow, there ended up being some extra keys laying around, which I had to turn this way and that in the lock ’cause I’d already taken the door handle off and tried to bang the lock off with it. I’m telling you folks, that was more work than what I’ve done at work the whole time I’ve been here. When I got in the room, I just dived on the bed and hugged it.

Will this count as my exercise today or will I have to double up tomorrow?

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Dark Chocolate Sorbet. This is a very recent discovery, folks. Imagine my chagrin when I had to make the final call to end my affair with ice cream earlier this year. I was like, “Lord, I ain’t gonna make it!” Typically, I don’t care for dark chocolate but Cioa Bella Sorbet saved me! It’s an addition to my new menu and satisfies sweet carvings in a natural and healthy fashion. I’m making my way to the market to get more today and I know this sounds sick but I’m excited!

Acrylic on Paper. Copyright 2011 Totsymae

Exercise. I hate it. I’ve got other shit on my plate but my plate is no good if I don’t exercise. I use(d) Rodney Yee’s Yoga for BeginnersTotal Body Cardio and Walk at Home videos, in combination with walking/jogging in the neighborhood to establish my fitness program. Let me also let you in on a little secret, folks. I’ve had all of these CDs sitting around in my house for about four years and finally got around to opening up the darn package to use them. Ain’t that a trip?!

SheWrites. This is an online community of women writers at all levels. I remember wanting to reconnect with writers after months of not being able to attend my writers’ critique meetings anymore. I discovered SheWrites and credit the women there with me putting my writing cap back on.

Blogging. After a very stressful time, mid-year, I wanted to know what the big deal about this blogging thing was ’cause a lot of the writers on SheWrites was doing it. I had no direction, other than just knowing I had a lotta shit to say. Having found my voice through my local writers’ critique group, I decided to blog the way I wrote, pretty much. I still haven’t defined what the blog’s direction is, other than a collage of everything I am. Bear with me, please.

Character Sketches. I learned to redirect my thinking about the folk whom I’ve met in my life as creative forces in my art and writing. No, I wouldn’t want to be among some of them again and I’d wish them upon none of you. I’m sure you’ve met some interesting characters of your own. I was also challenged to try different ways to create artistically and whatever feelings I held for them, I need to send a shout out for the time spent knowing them, good or bad.

Cat Phobia. I’m over it. I’ve had one in my house over the last 5 months, so I ain’t scared of cats no more. Understand that I didn’t grow up around animals unless I was being chased by a dog, which I ain’t too fond of either. This fear of cats pouncing on me is now a thing of the past. Free at last, folks!

Hibiscus Tea. Never one to drink coffee (unless I was desperately cold & that being my only option), tea has been my thing. Over the years, I’ve tried a good number of herbals and this year it was hibiscus. Mostly, I drink it unsweetened. If I do get the urge to take the little bitterness out, I use an organic maple syrup. Only takes a little and it’s delish, y’all. A very relaxing drink when I’m stressed.

Reality TV. I know. Some of you don’t respect the programming but I ain’t mad at any of them. I won’t even lie to you. I might cut a fool for the right price myself. Besides, just like business folk have websites to promote themselves, reality TV is the new business card and I’m studying up on this trend in order to develop my own sense of creativity. My current favorites, as I’ve told you about before, are Braxton Family Values and Basketball Wives.

Taiwan. The folk there are so very kind. I could walk the streets to a 7 Eleven at one in the morning and never fear being accosted. I walked a lot there and enjoyed my brief interactions with the folk. There’s very little cultural diversity there and the folk are so willing to help a non-native. I’m telling you, I’ve never been met with such generous reception, for which I’m deeply thankful. Now, you may be asking yourself, “However did a country girl like Totsy adjust in Taiwan?” Folks, I did for the short time I was there. Found me some good eating restaurants and walked everywhere. Even went shopping on foot. Glad when I got back to the states though. I can’t rightly disclose all the whys now but maybe some time in the near future. I will say that little taste back into another world encourages me to continue exploring other countries.

Seoul, Korea Airport. Took me a nice nap in the airport where I laid over for some hours. It was empty there at 12 in the a.m. By 8 in the morning, it was bright and lit with folk as if they’d been there all along. I’d never seen an empty airport in all my days. Anyhow, that’s where I bought a lotta trinkets for folk back in the U.S. They were nice folk too but I suppose they would be since I was buying stuff. I’ve had funky customer service in my home country, so it was nice to be treated like Oprah as I looked for deals.

Flash Fiction. I had absolutely no idea what this was. I read a few pieces and then tried my hand at it. I loved it. In my off-blogging time, writing flash has become a way to get me up and going. I now have a small collection I hope to one day publish.

Of course, I learned other stuff too but for time sake, I’ll stop here.  I hope you’ve collected good returns in your own discovery/learning bank this year. Maybe you wouldn’t mind sharing. I won’t judge you and I’m a pretty good listener. (wink, wink y’all)

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas, folks!

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