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Posts Tagged ‘diet’

"Colors l" Watercolor and Ink. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

“Colors l” Watercolor and Ink. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

Happy New Year to you, folks. I hope life is treating you kind and you’re doing the same for it, meaning all living things and folks out there. And I really hope that’s not an effort on your part but I know everybody’s got their personal challenges, special needs and what have you. Hell, that’s all a part of living, so we have to work with what we’ve got.

Now, I’m not doing what I did last year and tell you I’m gonna do this and that for my resolutions. Shit, I didn’t resolve half of what I set out to do last year, so I won’t sit here and lie to myself again. Matter of fact, I don’t even remember half the things I said I’d do. That fine list of Gonna-Dos faded into glory, quite frankly, a week or so into the 2012 new year. I had to hunt the list down and called myself typing it up and checking off my accomplishments but I’ll be damn if that wasn’t work. To this day, I can’t remember the name of the document or where I saved it on the computer.

Now, I do recall a coupla things I’d put on the list – that I wanted to learn how to knit so I could stitch caps for folks with cancer. I’m so very, very embarassed folks. For all my good intentions, I flew off to Saudi Arabia and couldn’t remember where I put the damn knitting needles when I got back. I don’t think I bought the right yarn anyhow. I could say I’d do it this year but that may sound too much like a resolution and if I do what I did last year, which was nothing, I won’t knit the caps again, resulting in another lie and I’m not supposed to be a good liar but looks like I could very well be better at it than I think, which is no consolation to me.

And you know the thing about resolutions, it’s really sad when you have to resolve to do something you should already be doing. You see, I had to redirect this from me to you so it wouldn’t look as though I’m beating myself up. Or at least so I wouldn’t feel alone. I mean, who likes to be alone? Like, you really should be exercising and losing weight, especially if the doctor’s told you you need to shed some of them pounds. Better yet, why would you even wait for somebody to tell you to lose weight? Or stop wasting money? Or whatever, whatever…

Now. I already know I won’t be wasting my money at a fitness center. Since I know I won’t go, there’s no sense in me acting like I will. I don’t feel special or whatnot in having a fitness membership card. For me, it’s like, oh hell, I’ve wasted myself some money. I just don’t like working out in settings like that. And let’s just cut through the chase. I don’t like working out period. It feels good when I do but between you and me, a fitness membership is gonna be a real hard sell for me; however, the up side is I won’t be wasting money. In that way anyhow.

Here’s to you and the new year, folks. Have a good one.

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Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae

And then I ate another and one more after that. Until I graduated to a taste here and there of a pan of brownies that I’m real sure ended up being a whole one by the time I was done. It’s not about weight that I shouldn’t be doing this closet eating but well, I shouldn’t be eating that stuff at all. I’m telling you, if this is what it’s like to come off drugs, I can see why it would be a bitch to kick. I want the damn cookies and brownies sometimes but like drugs, it’s not even good for me in moderation right now. I’m telling you folks, I need to be sitting in group therapy. I’ve already had family intervention. But. Like. Well. Why they keep bringing shit to the house without so much as letting me have a taste of it or bring me a healthy version of what they’re eating? So what do I do? I wait ’til nobody’s around to admonish me. They can’t be walking around in my house treating me like a child. Hell, they’re my children.

Little Totsy and Miss Fiancee had been baking cookies and brownies from scratch, which I’d been heavily funding, and finally, I had to know how the finished product tasted. As if I’d never bitten into a damn chocolate chip cookie before. But you better well know that I was on it, dog gone it, back in the day (last year). Every time Mr Boy went off to the store, I’d ensure Little Totsy and Miss Fiancee were well stocked in what they needed for baking. You know how it is. It would give them something constructive to do. I wasn’t counting on falling victim to the aroma wafting from the oven. I’d been so strong for a good while. Now guess what they’ve got sitting in the freezer? Some damn ice cream. A big tub of it too!

And yes, I am a victim. That’s what was projected in the Super Size Me movie. I’m even more of one than the folk in that movie. Well, I bought the ice cream but I didn’t know I bought it until it ended up in the freezer. Oh hell yeah, I ate some brownies and scooped some vanilla ice cream on top. The shit was good too! How many times I did it? I think three times but I’d be safe to say five…Yeah, that sounds more like it.

Matter of fact, if anybody’s got a problem staying away from certain foods, it ain’t your fault. Uh uh. You can point the finger at your parents for even starting the bad food habit. I wouldn’t be in the mode of eating stuff that’s bad for me if I’d never been introduced and reintroduced to it over and over again by the folk in charge of me. I mean, I was an unsuspecting child left to the vices of adults, while trying to figure out 2 + 2.  And yeah, I worked out the problem fine but nobody ever said brownie + ice cream x 30 days = fat ass or high cholesterol or high blood pressure or diabetes or shit, in my case, up all night.

So folks, I know some of you may disagree with me but I’ve decided to take my mother to court. That’s right. My lawyer’s gathering all the evidence against her now and we’ll be serving my step-dad up too ’cause he was a manager at the damn grocery store and did occasionally hook me up with damage-packaged products the store wouldn’t sell. Oh, I don’t give a damn if it was washing powders and Comet, he’s getting served with these papers. In a lawyer-chasing-ambulance society, why should I take responsibility for anything? Matter of fact, I have a separate case pending for folk who’ve made me sick. Figuratively speaking, that is.

Think about it. Who can you think of to bring to justice?

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The Survivors ll. Collage on paper. Copyright 2011 Totsymae

The Survivors ll. Collage on paper. Copyright 2011 Totsymae

I’m telling you. I’ve been moving in very slow motion over my way. I figure I needed to try writing or the longer I didn’t, it would be that harder to write. I suppose though, I was a little stirred up after watching the GOP Debate last night. Now personally, I can’t go into everything with you on all the whys of this and that ’cause I don’t think we’ve quite made it to the level of you inviting me over for tea or a sleepover, so we won’t go there and whatnot. The lowdown I can give you is that I’ve been watching the news and debates. I’ve undergone some major changes, internally and externally, so if Barack Obama was talking about change in relation to how I’m eating and my physical appearance, he fulfilled that campaign promise.

Folks, over the past few days. I’ve stuck with a strict raw food diet. I have to tell you that I can be somewhat of an extremist on certain matters. Now check this out. I was watching the GOP Debate last night and pondered the concept that when we look at the problem of obesity in children (and adults too, really) across the states we’ve united up and all, Herman Cain has been part of the problem, not the solution. What I do like about him is that he’s fired up to take charge. All of them are but that damn Cain is dangerous, talking about electrifying folk with that fence and all. I mean, damn. That’s some mean shit right there. Plus, a lot of foolishness has come outta his mouth.

Then, Mitt Romney ain’t got a problem evicting folks and letting Deep Pockets buy up the foreclosed homes and leasing them out to make their pockets even deeper. Like, that’s some cold shit. I saw him stopped by a reporter awhile back and he was asked what his thoughts were on Occupy Wall Street. This son of gun said he was just trying to get to the White House. And if you watched the debates, when he and Rick Perry were going at it, I know if they were in an alley somewhere, Perry would’ve knocked the shit out of him ’cause he had that I-could-knock-the-shit-outta-him look on his face. Check YouTube out. You’ll see.

Newt Gingrich, while he tried to unite the party with a let’s-hold-hands-and-play-ring-around-the-roses stance, he was still divisive on account of his attacks on the current administration. The fact of the matter is, parties don’t mean shit to those folk occupying Wall Street. They want jobs to support their families and all that crookedness to be straightened out. Nothing less. One other ironic element of the debate was that it took place in Las Vegas, where a lot of heavy weights duke it out for the boxing belt. Folks, the pot is melting. That explains it all, wouldn’t you say? Which means I’m just gonna have to keep juicing up these carrots to build up my strength. You know, in case I need to jump over that fence Cain got in his mind to build and I have to run for cover. No telling what’s gonna go down and you know we can’t keep stirring a burning pot with a wooden spoon.

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