art

Beyonce, Gaga and Wendy…Let’s Talk

Copyright 2014 Totsymae

Copyright 2014 Totsymae

Don’t hate that I don’t dream of a white Christmas but The Bea is dreaming of Johnny Depp. It’s the only way I could pull this advertisement off. A girl has to do what a girl has to do, okay? I love this man and if there was a telepathic signal between us, he’d love all this lusciousness too. But on with the scoop.

People, are you at all surprised Beyonce’s photoshopping herself? I didn’t know you had that kind of time, B. With all of these contracts and engagements you have to fulfill for the Illuminati, who knew. You’ve got yourself some skills, girl. I can’t deny you that. And a little more self-obsessed than I gave you credit for. It’s hard for anybody to get their foot in the door. Namely, me. You are truly a girl who won’t be interrupted, even after birthing a child. You’ve done everything besides advertise toilet paper and tooth picks.

Gaga, can we talk? Why are people vomiting on you on stage? That has nothing to do with art and everything to do with desperation. Or maybe mental illness. I don’t know what you’re going through other than to say Hollywood is probably kicking your behind for you to deliver that as art to your audience. You’re gross, okay? Just do what Miley’s doing and take your clothes off. But oh, you have to be so different.

And Wendy Williams. Girrrrrrl. What’s with your husband in the store buying another woman shoes? Baby, you’re in the wrong business at this point in time of your life. You need to step aside and let The Bea ride this gravy train, okay? To the left, girlfriend. Had I known hubby enjoyed shoe shopping, I’d have emailed him my shoe and dress size, because I know he outfitted that woman. Though, shopping is all he can do for me, alright? I do not want you coming at me, Mrs. Wendy. I’m a big girl but you’re even bigger. Matter of fact, I take back what I said. Forget I mentioned any of this, okay?

Well people, I shall not keep you any longer because you’re getting no younger, unlike myself, alright? Besides, I have a continuation dream to conclude of Johnny. Ahhhhh…

 

Keeping You In the Know,

Beatrice from Apartment 7B

 

 

 

Less Talk, More Music and Art

I’m trying to stay warm this fine spring of 2014. It’s cold down here, folks. Though, I won’t spend  so much time yacking. Beatrice did enough of that all for us both yesterday.

Well, just so you know, the artwork in the video is very different from what you’ve ever seen me do. I was quite fascinated with art created by Australian Aboriginals. Instead of using paint, I opted for oil pastel. I do like the effect of the paint much better but I’m okay with what I produced. This process actually became rather addictive and I’m not an addict by any means. Or so I thought.

Anyhow, less talk. More music and art.

 

Sincerely, Beatrice: The Trailer

I’m currently trying to catch up with myself. It’s a busy time, like any other time really, and I’ve been down with a cold. I’m trying to get into the swing of things and while in bed, I was able to put together Beatrice’s trailer for the summer comics series, which I’m very much behind on. My goal is to ultimately star Beatrice in her own literary work, so I get to toy around with ideas here. In the trailer, you’ll see some images are old and new, kinda like a flashback and flash forward type of movement with black and white sketches. If you’d like to know more about Beatrice, check out her posts here

Well, my energy’s zapped after writing this, folks. In the meantime, I’ll attempt to upload the video on the sidebar so you can put it on your calendar to tune in on time. I know you’ve been waiting your whole life for something like this. And oh, close the door tight on your way out.

 

 

 

In Celebration of the Dysfunctional Woman

Eunice

Everyone likes to be celebrated and women folk, March is your month. Or rather, ours. You, I mean, we asked for it, so we’re sure gonna get it. And fair is fair, okay? If you celebrate one woman, you have to celebrate them all. No matter how wretched some are, we must embrace the most brazen and undesirable of women folk to strengthen our sisterhood. Ahem. Cough, cough…

Now, if I may ask you a question. Who portrayed a woman so damaged, yet funny, that we laughed and thought about the lot in our own families? That’s right, Carol Burnett. Eunice was a sad wreck of a woman, with so very little going for herself but if you were like me, you just loved the night the show aired the little family that couldn’t and never would. Mama, played by Vicki Lawrence, ensured that misery remained intact and did a real fine job of it. Poor Ed, the character played by Harvey Korman, was just an unlucky fella who joined misery’s company and there was no escaping the shrieking sound of Eunice. For some reason, I always thought he could’ve been a man of potential had it not been for her…Hmmm, maybe not.

The Day After Valentine

Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2014 Totsymae

Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2014 Totsymae

Lana couldn’t remember a thing. She felt nauseous while scanning the room, the stench of outside garbage drifting in from the open window. After giving the room a once-over, Jim walked in, wearing a dingy wife-beater and familiar boxers. The ones with patterns of red lips on them that sagged in the rear. The same ones he wore last night and was nasty enough to slip back on, apparently.

“You want coffee?” he asked her, now sitting on the bed with white crust in the corners of his mouth.

Lord have mercy, she thought, what am I doing here with him?

“Mama brewed a fresh batch. I can get you some, if you want.” His voice was poor-sounding to Lana. She could hear his spit turning and sloshing against his mouth with each word.

Lana turned to the nightstand and looked at the red box of chocolates she’d eaten a fourth of  as she pulled the sheets over her. She felt his hand on her shoulder and scowled under his fingers that felt like damp clay. Pulling her arms together and tucking her body into a ball, she remembered every damn thing now. The gold ban on her left ring finger jogged her back to Vegas lights and them both wearing gem-studded Elvis-like jumpsuits, saying I do.

Copyright 2014 Totsymae

Short Illustrative Film

I’m experimenting while I marinate on how to do some other stuff going in my head. See, what happened was, my film is supposed to have folk actually talking with all these neat voices and whatnot. Though, I have this cousin, and you may have one too, who says he’s gonna hook you up and soon as you text him, he’s fallen off the planet.

Anyhow, I had to hook myself up. Know what I mean? I’ve got the day off tomorrow to play around since it’s snowing down here and whatnot. Anyhow (I say that a lot, don’t I?), stay warm and curl up with a popcorn to enjoy my first movie. Hehehee!

Beatrice on Blast, Under the Bus and Similar Arrangements

Illustration and Cover Design by Tosh Fomby

Illustration and Cover Design by Tosh Fomby  Copyright 2014 Totsymae

Yes, I’ve been caught in a somewhat compromising position. I have my very own paparazzi, as in Totsy, that is. You see, when you’re shooting for fame, being fabulous alone isn’t enough. You have to start your own fire and pour lighter fluid into it, okay? However, I was totally unaware she put me under such a small microscope.

Now, I was well aware of the photo of me in the red hat, alright? But the other two…Oh, my…What I’ve been doing in the dark has caught up and showing my backside. All praises to my parents’ DNA for a firm derriere and Burlington Coat Factory for that fantastic sale on Black Friday. You feel me? I have never snatched anything out of anyone’s hands so fast. While I suffered a slight abrasion to the head, it was so well worth it, don’t you think, people?

Rewind this back to my own paparazzi, if you will. Aren’t you past tired and curious as to why Alec Baldwin is constantly harassed by them? Well, word on the streets is that he’s calling them. Alec, I used to be so crazy about you. The way you’ve been carrying on, I’m starting to wonder if I was crazy to entertain such a crush. Maybe this temper you have turns the little wifey on but the viewers are going to turn you off if you don’t start taking your meds, Booboo. You’re so ridiculous, Alec and well…look at those photos of me. I look too fine and luscious to be talking about your silly antics.

As for these photos, Totsy blackmailed me and I’m now under the gun of exploitation, which is a typical element of the Hollywood trade, right Chris Jenner? From one business woman to another, I respect that particular skill you have on some level but I am so ready for your family to get off the air. All of you have gotten on my nerves, so it’s time for you to go, okay? Please. I’d say I’ll give you five dollars to go away but I know you’d take it and money’s tight right now. And oh,  Bruce, don’t have your Adam’s apple shaven. You’re already looking like the girls. Albeit, an old girl but if you follow through on that procedure, Chris is going to botox and pimp you too. You feel me?

Anyway, I’m committed to flaunting my fabulousness at an undisclosed location.  I’m booked and, as you well know, forever hooked on the grapevine of Hollywood. If the pay is good, I’ll put you and your hood on blast too, baby.

Forever and Always,

Beatrice from Apartment 7B aka Queen of the Scoop

9 Rules on How to be Fabulous in 2014

Mixed Ancestry

“Mixed Ancestry” Fiber Art. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

1. Carry breath mints.

2. Produce more than you consume.

3. Never go for seconds at the dinner table. The food will be there tomorrow. In other words, refer back to rule number 2.

4. Listen more. Talk less. Stock up with superglue, if needed. (Masking tape will work also but it may cause public humiliation.)

5. Get over what it is you’re not over. Staying where you are stunts your growth and eventually folk will not wanna be bothered with you.

6. Wear clothing fit for your body type, sex and age, not somebody else’s. Transvestites are exempt, however.

7. Mind your business.

8. Limit Facebook statuses. Nobody cares as much as you do anyhow.

9. Stop pretending. However, if you’re faking it ’til you make it and haven’t made it yet, cry yourself to sleep at night and start putting a Plan B or C in place.

 

 

 

 

New Work from the Gallerie

Finally, I’m able to present new work. Being that I’ve struggled with oil pastel for awhile, I thought this was worth showing. And since the holidays are quickly approaching, I won’t bog you down with a lotta chit chat. I will say that I hope you enjoy time with your family, no matter what you’re celebrating. I wish you good health today and on into the new year.

"Madam Afrique des Fleurs" Oil Pastel on paper. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

“Madam Afrique avec Fleurs” Oil Pastel on paper. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

"Colours des Afrique" Watercolor & Oil Pastel. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

“Colours des Afrique” Watercolor & Oil Pastel. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

Weekend Reruns

The Shooting Trend

"Tree of Life" / Gouache & Sharpie Marker on Paper / Copyright 2013 Totsymae

“Tree of Life” / Gouache & Sharpie Marker on Paper / Copyright 2013 Totsymae

I’m beginning to have a lot more to say on my blog. Not a whole lot about things that matter but something, nonetheless. Today is probably something to say.

Well, you know down here in Georgia, the young fella made a motion to go in that school and act like he was gonna shoot it up. I really don’t know his real intentions. Folk are complex, know what I mean? Anyhow, I have a friend in that school. She said he busted up the window where the Pre-K class was, then went to the entrance (and you have to be buzzed in unless you’re slick and walk behind somebody) and made himself known.

She said folk keep asking how they got away. Have feet, will run. Plus, no bullets were shot from this fella’s gun, so that helped. Said a teacher had taken this one kid to the restroom and he said he wasn’t finished. She said, “You’re finished now!” and took that child and ran. Folks were running in the woods, she said. All this time, I thought she was still at the middle school working and come to find out, she was running for her life this week. You just never know, huh…

Used to be this kinda thing mostly happened at the post office. Not that any place is better for it to happen…

Hmph…