The countdown is on, folks. Christmas, if that’s relevant to you, is 4 days away and you know what? I haven’t bought one present. You know what else? I’m okay with that ’cause this year I’m making presents. Only what I make this year will be for next year ’cause I just woke up and decided that’s the plan from here on out.
Since I’m getting such a late start, I’m scraping up some things around the house I can give away real quick ’cause as the saying goes ‘Somebody else’s trash is another person’s treasure.’ I truly hope folk that I’m gifting my trash to appreciate the time it’s gonna take for me to find a specific piece of trash for them. Whether you realize it or not, time is the most precious and expensive thing you can give to somebody.
You ever spent time with folk you really didn’t wanna be around? All ’cause you wanna do the right thing, you put time into folk you care very little about. This tends to happen sporadically around holidays and family gatherings. I say sporadically ’cause every now and again you’re gonna wind up, even if it’s only two or three minutes, being among somebody you absolutely can’t stand. That’s time you can’t get back and then you wind up spending more time thinking about those few minutes you had to look at the person. And ooh, they looked a hot mess and oh goodness, so and so is getting real thick around the midriff and blahsay this and blahsay that.
Then, ’cause you can’t stand them, you get on the phone and talk about them to two or three folks when you could’ve been doing something quite useful, like feeding the hungry or cleaning your toilet or something necessary whatnot you’ve been putting off. It’s really a damn shame but you had to get that off your chest.
You know how folk do.
I don’t wanna be a bore and while I haven’t been blogging, the honest to true truth of the matter is I haven’t had anything significant to talk about. There’s been a definite pause in trash-talking and it’s starting to bother me to a great degree. Why it’s become such a botheration is ’cause folk who don’t trash-talk are generally about to drop off the cliff and land in the abyss of being a bore.
Me, Myself and I haven’t gotten together to talk about it yet ’cause we’ve been too concerned about the shutdown and now that the shut is up, we’ve kinda gone our in our own direction. We haven’t divorced each other but you may as well say we’ve separated. Me is waiting on the return of The Real Housewives of Atlanta to air with the new season next month. Myself’s been tapping I on the shoulder ’cause she’s in stuck mode. I guess being between Me and I ain’t the most pleasant place to be right now.
And I is writing. I’s had no time for Me or Myself, which is how she gets when she’s wrapped up in anything. I is all about herself and while she’s still pleasant, her mind’s not on anything outside herself. When folk are on the phone with her, she’s not paying much attention to them. I ain’t all that interested ’cause I gets bored very easily with repetitive conversations and would rather talk about herself, even if there’s not much to talk about. Heck, she’ll make something up ’cause she’s rather inventive that way.
In the meantime, Me is getting hungry and wants to backhand Myself for tapping her on the shoulder now about having a get-together. I, of course, ain’t thinking about either one of them and is propped in bed with her laptop, talking about absolutely nothing on her blog. I is trippin’.
I’m a good listener to the things I wanna hear. If you wanna talk about cell phones, cars, computers and hair dos, you’ll more than likely lose me. You will also lose me if you whip out your photo album. While I’m a visual person, I also have to have personal interest in the folk I’m seeing. I really can’t see how looking at a photo album of folk I don’t know is any different from watching passerbys at the train station.
These days, however, I don’t wanna hear too mucha anything. I’m too busy trying to listen to myself. One time, I asked myself, “Where’s that smell coming from?” I started thinking, Now Totsy, I just know somebody didn’t peel a fresh onion and put it under your arms. So, I kept right on about my little business. The day wore on and so did my underarms, folks. I got to thinking, You took yourself a shower. What in the world happened? I then remembered ’cause I was wearing a sleeveless top, I’d wiped a good deal of my deodorant off. Naturally, I asked myself why I got carried away with wiping ’cause you gotta make it through the day and it’s way too early in the day for this mess! I mean, really!
After that experience, I’m listening. Like now, Self is telling me to get off this blog. I’m saying back, “Okay, let me finish this here sentence.” Self is also saying, “Take yourself to bed ’cause you’re tired,” but…ahem…I don’t think I heard right ’cause R&B Divas Reunion comes on tonight and I gots to be in the fronta that TV to see the verbal throwdown.
Maybe Self got the days mixed up and talking about tomorrow.
Do you ever wish some folk weren’t in your family? Would you not go to a dog fight with some of them? That’s unfortunate to say but just like I’m saying it about them, they probably feel the same about me. I’m not sure why, other than the fact that I don’t attend dog fights. I mean, I’m so cool and low maintenance and whatnot. I simply don’t function well or thrive among toxic folk. I eat my vegetables and drink at least 6 glasses of water a day. Therefore, I’m not prone to such whatnots.
Matter of fact, when family drama occurs, I’m pretty much on the bench. I don’t have to be a player. There was one time, however, that I had to write a very direct letter after a family function went south. Trust me, it was best to send this message via email on account that nobody was listening.
Now, I like folk in general but have you ever thought about some family members and just knew that if they weren’t in your bloodline, you’d have nothing to do with them? It’s sad to say but the truth will set you free. Though, for these particular folk, it’s quite okay to love them from a distance. From another country, or planet, once you get your rocket ship and space gear, that is. I reckon only the wealthiest of folk will have this kinda luxury. They won’t even have to be bothered with getting a cell phone call while they’re in space. Can you imagine the phone bill?
On the other hand, you may have a perfectly functional family who has regular sleepovers and call a loved one every time you think of them to say you were thinking of them ’cause you don’t take for granted they’ll be there for you to make that call tomorrow.
I know you don’t care to know this, so you can stop reading if you want. I simply have a need to express myself. Plus, this is what a blog’s for, so you may wanna go ahead and finish this ride with me. After all, that’s why you clicked the title in your in box. But you’re getting me side-tracked, which is real easy to do ’cause I’m trying to get my mind off my aching feet.
You see, I worked at home for nearly a year and sat down all day long. Working solo, I got on my nerves so bad and became real tired of having conversations with myself at the water cooler. I’d get to talking about myself to myself and then go back and say something else. You know, being a backstabber. It got real heated for a minute but it couldn’t get physical or anything like that. I mean, I’d be blogging from the room of a padded wall if that was the case.
Anyhow, I had to get out among folk and being that I was unaccustomed to being on my feet, these dogs of mine are wondering what the heck is going on and asking why I didn’t consult. Even had the audacity to slap me with the extra weight it had to hold up on account of me eating so much, with the refrigerator being so accessible and all. I was like, “You just gonna have to get used to it! If you’d've kept me walking around the neighborhood, you wouldn’t be hurting so bad. And why you wearing sandals anyhow? Out here trying to look cute, huh…You need a pedicure.”
After this back and forth action, Feet reminded me to sit my tail down ’cause no weight was coming off with us standing there arguing with each other. Well, I sat on down and I figure with my hands moving across this keyboard and me thinking so hard about what to say on this blog was probably the most exercise I’d get today. After all, I can’t have Feet complaining and throbbing and whatnot.
Dear folks, what body parts are talking to you lately?
OMG, folks! I have just been feeling awful. Simply awful (Back of the wrist touches the forehead while flopping to the Lazy Boy). Though, I’ll spare you and not go into it. I know you wanna know and if I felt any better and wanted your sympathy, I’d not spare you the details. But I’m still feeling like I’ve got water in my ears, so I don’t know how loud or low I may sound to you. Can you even hear me?
I was feeling well enough to shop for two days, however. Maybe that’s what brought this Southern Belle to a dramatic end. Why, I was just at the store a spell ago and I thought I’d faint. That I’d go SPLAT! right in the middle of the 20 Items or Less Checkout. I was feeling all hot and whatnot. I don’t know if it was on account of me thinking of my milkshake I’d left in the car that I was in a hurry to get back to but I do declare folks, I felt downright better once I drowned my face in it. I’m sure it would’ve been an awful sight had I looked in the mirror but I didn’t want to bring that kinda shame on myself. Oh, don’t act like it’s just me who’s ever done this…I wonder if I’d be pushing my luck if I went for another milkshake being that I’m lactose intolerant and whatnot. Thing sure was good.
What makes you sick that you can’t get enough of? Your wife…hubby? Tell ole Totsy. Your secret’s safe with me (wink, wink).
When I was in elementary, I used to spend a good portion of my time in the principal’s office. I don’t rightly know why. I was so cute. In addition to that, when I was in primary school, teachers were allowed to spank. Thus, also, a good deal of my time was spent lying over my teacher’s lap with a paddle to my bottom or my hand burning from the sting of rulers that had been taped together. I wasn’t what you’d call a bad child. It was just that then, folk whipped us younguns for the slightest misbehavior. I always say, if you can’t be a kid getting into a little mischief, then what’s the point of being at kid at all. I had some devilish fun back then.
There used to be a game called Hide and Go Get, the dirty version of Hide and Seek. It was supposed to be that the guy who found the girl who was hiding would end up getting a kiss but me? I was never found by the guy I wanted to get the kiss from. In my hiding spot, I’d look up and some ole mojo face looking fella would find me and I’d run like the deacons so I’d not have to kiss him. As you can see, that game didn’t work out too well for me.
Another game we’d play, which did work out pretty good, was opening a big box on both ends and rolling down a hill inside of it with a fella. Ooooh, how I loved that game! Just a fresh little thing, I was. When I look back, they seem like innocent games.
My, how times have changed. Now, folk can’t spank their kids, which is probably not the worst thing. Folk spank ’cause it’s the only way they know how to discipline. I remember my great-grandmother could talk to me in the most sweetest tone and whip me with a dose of common sense that I wasn’t displaying at the time of trouble and it would make me feel worse than any whipping I could’ve gotten. I did the right thing for longer periods of time than when I got a switch laid across me. But again, I wasn’t a bad child, just a little mischievous on occasion.
And since I brought it up, do you think there’s sucha thing as bad children? If not, what do you call them?
I’m getting to a different place with this blog. At least, for now. I have even pondered the idea of discontinuing the blog. I’m just not sure where I am with that yet. As of now, however, I do need a time out to deliberate and reflect on what the outcome may be. In due time, I shall either change directions or delete the blog.
Thank you so very much for hanging out with me all this time. Will see you later, folks.