“Prfile in Blue” Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2013 Totsymae
Contrary to popular belief, I have me a little life down here in this south. Come two days time, I’m heading myself to a ball. Got my dress yesterday, tried it on in my bathroom where I can see all of myself from every angle and folks, I do declare on a stack of Bibles, the Torah and Qu’ran, I look hhhhhhoooot! I ain’t never lied to you, so there’s no point starting now. Okay? The truth will set you and a diva free. Alright?
This is how hot I was, folks. I was brushing my hand over my dress while I was looking at my divaness and folks, I thought I was gonna catch fire. You hear me? Saw myself a spark and had to come outta that dress for fear of blowing myself right on up. I have to at least make it to the ball and have an audience if I’m gonna go kaboom. Like, it means nothing if I’m standing in the mirror all by my darn self. You feel me?
I got my do done and and it’s on like a bag of popcorn and Skittles. Okay? Got ole Beatrice over here looking at me cross and sideways with her Hollyhood self. I may have to get her to cover my story and write about my fabulosity ’cause to not do so would make absolutely no sense. Heeyyyy…As the queen of Hollywood gossip would say, ‘Don’t be mad. Be glad somebody as…’ Well, nevermind me trying to rhyme some silly words together. I’ll let Beatrice, the current mistress of undercover hatin’, give you the scoop…Umph…I’ll be darn if I ain’t over here sizzling, folks. Somebody, call 911.
Do you realize Dr Phil’s been on the air for about 10 years now? That’s good for him making all that money and whatnot but that says a whole lot about folk out here in this world. They’re messed up in the head and narcissistic about it.
And with Dr Phil being on the air that long, well, I reckon that chair Robin sits in is mighty special and auction-worthy. That’s 10 whole years and counting of the same behind sitting in the same seat for a what? Sideline celebrity. Okay, I admit I’m hating a tad ’cause I watch the Dr on the regular and I’ve been wanting to uproot Robin outta that seat. Not that I want the Dr, ’cause I don’t, I don’t reckon, but I want to go to that studio over in Cali one of these days and with me wanting to occupy a reserved seat, I see a potential problem. Not for me, particularly but for Robin. I’m real sure she hasn’t been confronted with this kind of challenge. Well, there’s a first time for darn near everything, ain’t it?
I figure my first approach to the chair is to act like nobody’s sitting there. If that fails, which I’m sure it will, I’ll get to the studio early and put a chair in the rear, where no cameras are, with her name on it. Maybe the Dr can highlight me and ask how to draw a perfect circle instead of asking Robin stuff she acts like she knows about.
I’m real sorry to interrupt your broadcast, Robin but I think it’s downright critical that the show spotlights how to draw basic shapes on occasion. After all, you ain’t talking about nothing the world needs to know. As a woman myself, I clearly understand why you’re there but I’d appreciate you more if you answered the phones. Better yet, you’d be doing me a real favor to be a good hostess and pass out some cookies and milk while I teach those who tune in how to make a happy face while you sit in the back somewhere.
“Nancy Grace” Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2013 Totsymae
I don’t have a need to be right about everything. It’s just that I’m not wrong about what I feel I’m right about and it’ll take a real smart type of folk to convince me otherwise. Now, I’m not gonna sit around and argue about me being right and you being wrong ’cause you’re entitled to be wrong if that makes you feel best.
You see, I’m not into arguing a point only to arrive at where we started. That’s a pure waste of your time and mine and while you may not have places to be and folk to see…Well, I may not either (talk to the hand). I’m just not gonna sit around and try to bully you into my way of thinking, although that would be best ’cause it sure as heck’s been working for me…Most of the time…Some of the time…Well, I reckon we could both do better but seeing that I’m doing better than you, you should pay more attention to what I say, as opposed to what I do ’cause in theory, I do everything right. It’s the hands-on stuff that gets messed up but this is about you, not me, so stay focused.
The essence of what I’m getting at is just ’cause you think something, don’t mean you should believe it. Your world will be a better place once you start believing that.