Getting the Juice

"Red Bikini" Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

“Red Bikini” Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

Good day, people. I’m wrapping up my time on the beach on the Georgia coast. Glory to my fabulousness but I had to bless spectators and haters with one last look before the summer heads completely south. I am the definition of Diva and can’t help myself. Okay? As I lie here looking oh so beautiful, I’m sipping on a tall glass of Hollywood juice and my insides are so utterly full, I just have to spill it. Hello?

As you perhaps know by now, Miley, as in Virus Cyrus (VC), has been dumped, kicked to the curb and recycled into the singles market. As we’re no longer in the Garden of Eden, the Now Ex didn’t take too well to all that nakedness and us knowing her in such a fashion. I do believe she’s sealed that oversized tongue in her mouth at this current time, haven’t you VC? But your daddy’s so very proud of you and I wish all of you happy therapy sessions in the future because you’re not trying to hear it now, are you girl? Well, strip it until you rip it and do you until you get a clue that thick is in and you’re too thin to be taking your clothes off before the public. We’re not hardly that desperate to see skin. Okay? You need to come down south and eat a good meal or two. Alright? And bring the president with you because he’s looking rather thin these days.

Rumor has it that Now Ex was cheating but what’s the biggy, really? Miley was openly cheating with the public with all that gyrating on stage. I know I supported you initially, Miley but I get tired of people on the swift and you’re on the list, sweetie. And before I take a break from you, I do hope you’re on the organ donor’s list because I’m real sure somebody could put that tongue to better use. Did I mention I was tired of you, Miley?

People, as I lie my beautifulness here and continue to bless the public, I want you to know that I’m in mourning over the separation of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. Catherine, I think you’re beautiful and I wish you and Michael the best for the rest of your lives. I never thought people divorced at 60-plus but it happens. I know the papers haven’t been filed but well…Umph, umph umph…(Sniff, sniff)

Kimye, as in Kim and Kanye. I must admit, you two made yourselves a beautiful baby. However, I feel terribly sorry for you, Kim. Your baby’s daddy  is a nut who likes to cut up in public. To put it more accurately, ‘cut a fool’ as Totsy would say. Not even you deserve that and especially not your daughter. Be blessed, you and North West, and know which way is up because when Kanye sees the paparazzi, you and North will need to know when to duck. Okay?

As always, it’s been a pleasure. I want to thank my congregation of bloggers for reading me. Lord have mercy on all those who aren’t nearly as fabulous as me. Amen.

Always True,

Beatrice from Apartment 7B

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23 thoughts on “Getting the Juice

  1. Oh Bea, if only you could package that fabulousness into bottles and market it. All the stars who want to get noticed because they’re not getting work start a perfume line. When’s yours coming out?

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  2. Oh, Beatrice, I know when you start putting in your two cents on any situation, I’ll be getting a full nickel worth. If that’s you in the red bikini, you’re looking GOOD. AND your tongue is inside your mouth, which is more than I can say for Miss Molly Miley.

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  3. I am right there with you and Michael and Katherine, this makes me sad as can be. They seemed to have such love.

    You are looking fabulous as always Miss. B, you truly should, as lisaspiral says, find a way to market your fabulousness.

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    • Truly, with what they’ve been through with their health, I thought they came through it fine. You just never know the real deal from the outside looking in.

      And thank you. I could have a high end brand of fabulousness and low end one. You know, for the people who can’t handle it like myself.

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  4. Don’t forget: Michael Douglas is over 60, yes. But Catherine Zeta Jones is in here 40s. So, if she has to divorce, she has to divorce. It’s always sad when it happens but what can you do, Beatrice? Anyway, I’m with you on Miley. That tongue of hers, man oh man. It can sure use a lashing, if you ask me.

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