I’m not sure about you but I miss me being here. Totsy is a character that I’m rather stuck with, unfortunately. Therefore, when she mentioned the possibility of sinking this ship, I was not a happy camper. Who can I dish the Hollywood dirt to otherwise?
Though, I regret to inform you that I don’t have much juice to spill your way at present. The thing of it is, I thought I was well on my way to getting my own reality show but this guy I met sunk that boat as soon as it unanchored. There are truly some money snatchers in the world and I must get out of their midst.
Now, I did have a rare opportunity to speak with the porn-turned-reality-diva herself. Kim, as in Kardashian, okay? We could’ve been best buddies and sleeping together had I been a black guy but, well, I don’t know. Maybe if Kanye had told her to sleep with me, and I wasn’t a straight woman of the Lord, I would have. I mean, everybody’s doing everything now, so there you go.
People, I am aware that Kimmy may not be well received here, as some of you aren’t into the reality scene as I am. I, however, must be in the know regarding all things Hollywood and sometimes, in the hood, if that’s where the action is, okay?
I do want to turn your attention to a new show called Married to Medicine and if you catch a glimpse of this show, I do believe you will conclude as I have, that these doctors are married to mess. Let’s be really real about that. And now that I’m getting into my gossip groove, I need to put it out there that Kenya, from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, is truly psychotic to the 3rd, no, the 5th power.
Kenya, Apollo was never trying to sleep with you, Girlfriend. He was trying to get with me. And so was Peter. And Greg. And Todd. And the guy you called gay because he wouldn’t sleep with you…Well, he’s my man now and he can tow my truck anytime, okay?
And Portia. Dear darling, Portia. I felt so embarassed for you tonight. I thought you would never find the period to end your rambling. I so thought that long speech of yours should’ve been directed toward your husband, who IS controlling and I’m sure if he’d seen me, as the other fellas, he woud’ve been trying to sleep with me too.
Two snaps and a bag of popcorn, people. Beatrice is back!