Beatrice Goes Hollywood. Copyright 2013 Totsymae
You should check out my fabulosity that will soon be gracing the Oscar red carpet. But enough about how delicious I’ll look. All of that shall come in diva time. It’s time to pour you a little Hollywood juice, people. Are you thirsty?
Now, it’s come high confession time that Clive Davis enjoys the pleasures of going in women’s pocketbooks and through men’s back doors. You feel me, people? I had a brief moment to sit with Clive to make inquiry on this business he has going on in his book, The Soundtracks of My Life. And it went like this, literally:
Beatrice: Now Clive, why are you deciding to reveal your secret? Did someone ask you?
Clive: No. Nobody asked but I wanted to tell.
There you have it, people. I couldn’t get much more out of him than that but based on my assessment, Clive wasn’t interested in me. I think he likes his lovers on the thin side, based on who I’ve heard he’s been with. Just know this, people. It’s never too late to be you, whoever that may be.
On another note, I have a very important public service announcement. There are people out there called “Apple Pickers” and they are aiming to grab and run with your Apple iPhone. It’s the latest craziness out here in the world, which means you have to watch your back, side and front when you’re in public talking on your iPhone.
These Apple Pickers are selling these devices for around $300. Don’t contemplate on whether you should fight to keep it or give it up. Give the thing up. There are more at the Apple Store, okay?
That’s all the time I have to spend with you today. There’s so much competition on the red carpet, I must invest a good portion of my time on looking beautiful. I wasn’t picked for presenting an Oscar. Jennifer Aniston was, however. I hope she doesn’t wear that same blah hairstyle. Francisco Pierre does a fine job on me in his basement over in Compton whenever I can catch an Airtran flight on the low. Maybe I should turn her on to him.
Most Sincere About Everything Hollywood,
Beatrice from Apt. 7B
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
I really didn’t know who Clive was before I found out all about his business. B, tell me. Why do people think we all want to know all their laundry stuff? Shoot, I keep mine (and my family’s) pretty private. Why would I go blabbing to the world about what all I do, think, want, strive for? Who in their right mind would want to know that stuff?
I have the newest Apple iPhone. But I don’t use it in public because it’s just rude. Oh in the old days, I might have wanted people to think I was really cool with my car phone that was the size of a toaster oven, but now that every Tom, Dick and Harry has one, what’s the point. If I’m out on the town, let me enjoy being out on the town. I don’t have anybody I want to talk to at that point unless it’s that cute bus driver who is making goo goo eyes at me.
I know you are going to look marvelous on the red carpet. Heck, red carpets were made for gals like you!
My suspension is that Clive wants to sell more books because he wants us to be curious about who he’s slept with over the years. I’m not at all interested myself.
I have an Apple too. Would’ve preferred the Galaxy but too late for bemoaning should’ves and could’ves. You should walk that red carpet with me so we can turn it out.
My phone was stolen, didn’t know what the blame thief was called. Now I know. Must agree on the Aniston hair – time for a new do
Well, do tell your Apple-loving friends. Glad you weren’t hi-jacked for it because that’s what’s happening.
Thankfully, I remain a faithful Crackberry aficionado. No use for Apple thus not a target for a picker.
You will look fab on the Red Carpet, I will look for you in the highlights the next day. Sorry, just can’t be bothered with the show.
Be careful anyway. You just never know.
I shall show you my dress which I shall dazzle in.
The iPhone thing is crazy. I have a droid so I guess I’m safe…for now.
“It’s never too late to be you, whoever that may be.” Amen! Oh, and I’ve got “Sock it to me, baby!” Can’t wait to read it. My 7yo dghtr keeps picking up the Kindle, attempting to read it. NOT! Be well.
Thank you….Tell Little Mama to hold off reading my stuff for some years.
You know I did!! I’ve got to figure out a way to keep my books private from hers on the same device.
Beatrice, I promise I’ll be watching for you on Oscar night.
Give me a ring after the after-party. I’m at the Motel 6, unfortunately.
Beatrice, you are gonna out-glam the gals. We all know that! Can’t wait to see you walk the walk!
So, can I get an appt. with Francisco Pierre? I have a little event to attend soon.
It took me a second to get the apple pickers – I’ve been anxious to get an iPhone — they’re so expensive here but as far as I know we have no apple pickers.
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