“Didn’t Call or Show Up” Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2013 Totsymae
I don’t know too much about what’s going on politically nowadays. My head’s been buried in business, writing and painting. I’m delayed on getting my eBook out. My writing is going well in the critque group I joined. I have a portrait to complete, which I’ll post here tomorrow, so life is going. I’m not here to talk about me though. Well…yes, I am.
You see, only one month into the new year, I’ve had a coupla idiot moments already, which I’m so not proud of. I’ll only speak of one ’cause I don’t have energy for the other. Whatever am I talking about, you ask. Well, I’m so very humbly thankful for your concern and interest.
A coupla weeks ago, I was working in my studio and got this phone call that jarred me outta work mode. See, I’m the type of folk who mind my business like I’m supposed to. I don’t show up on folk doorstep and ring them up and transform myself into a drama queen to borrow money when I’ve never had a few good, longwinded conversations with them before. Neither have I ever asked them to borrow money and had the audacity to request they go make the payment I need the money for (Scratching my brain). Are you following me, folks?
Now, you don’t have to tell me it was an idiot move that I loaned the money. No, I didn’t go to whatever place of business to make the payment ’cause that would’ve made me an even bigger idiot. Bigger is not always better.
Well, the reason I forked out the dough was the woman nearly got to boohooing on me and she’s somebody’s mama. Mainly, my daughter’s best friend’s mama, who now don’t seem to be best friends anymore, which has nothing to do with the money, mind you.
Now, if I did borrow money from you, I’m not gonna tell you a payback date and not follow up when I can’t pay it back. Neither will I start sending you some jive ass text messages about being so thankful and close with “Blessed.” That ain’t blessed. That’s bullshit, okay? Folk need to know the difference. And while I’ve been bullshitted, which you may never have been in your life being as smart as you so naturally are, I just wanted you to know that I’d never show up at your doorstep to do sucha thing. Mainly, on account that I don’t know where you live no how and I don’t like borrowing.
I was thinking about stalking?that ass but the qualifications for a stalker entails a lotta nonsense energy and I don’t have it, which is why I blog, I guess.
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
It’s a sad thing that lending someone money is usually cause for regret. Maybe next time someone asks, I’ll just give it to them and not plan on ever seeing it again.
That’s what I do usually. And I typically don’t loan if I’m concerned with getting it back. Just a shyster heifer, I’d say.
Best to be the bullshit-er than bullshit-ee.
You’re so right. Been on both ends of that, I suppose.
Money makes poor friends….
She was never my friend and now, never could be. She will be shitting rocks again. And real soon.
You make a very good point about the difference between blessed and bullshit.
I never ever loan money to people as it always turns out badly. Luckily I only have run across a couple of people in my lifetime that had the gall to ask for money. If a family member needed help, they would never have to ask…;I would offer but even that has never happened.
Yep. Some folk can’t make that distinction. I don’t mind helping folk who have principles. I should have followed my gut on this one.
Totsy, I did this big time, but only once. Naw, I’ve done it before more than once. I knew a guy who ran the place that details our cars. He called Alex out of nowhere asking if Alex could go to the Raider’s headquarters and pay for a luxury box for a Raiders game. Now, this is going to sound pretty dumb, but I sort of talked Alex into loaning this guy the $7,000 it cost for the box for the Raider’s game. The guy said he would get the money back to us on Monday after the Sunday game. He said he had a big business opportunity that would give him Pixar Studios as a client. He needed the box to entertain the honcho’s at Pixar and it was too late on Friday for him to go to the bank.
We did finally get our money back after 3 months of hounding him. ($7,000 is more than we wanted to be scammed out of.) I never loan more money can I can afford to lose as a rule, but something just told me “Trust the guy! You’ve known him for 15 years!”. Hah!
I’ve loaned “friends” $100 or so and never seen the money again. I’m not really calling them “friends” after that. If somebody said, “Help me please. I have no money. My kids will starve.” I’d give what I could. But this “loan me” and “I’ll pay it back next Friday” business is a deal breaker for me now.
I hate that it makes me angry, but it does. Ask me to “give” you money and I will if I can. It’s a gift and I don’t resent ‘gifts”. I have borrowed money “till payday” from a co-worker a couple of times. (I’m talking the $20 till tomorrow variety of money.) I’ve never failed to pay back a loan of any size exactly when I said I would. See, I figure people are like me with that. It’s a hard lesson to learn they are not.
I hate that it makes me angry too. Damn mealy mouth folk taking advantage.
I have loaned money a few times. What’s even worse is when they decide to pay you back in installments and can’t manage regular payments even then and also can’t keep track of what they owe! I’ve found that if I loan it I have to write it off in my head and if I get it back so much the better. But damn, why should I have to work so hard so that you can pay your bills?
Oh, but check this out. I was suppose to get two installments and of course, that call never came. And no, they can keep track, they don’t want to. She so conveniently forgot to add in the gas money I put in her tank that I had to remind her of.
I love, love, love that painting for this post. Too perfect!
Thanks, Lorna.
You are a kind heart. I don’t know, I think people make a life outta this. It’s a shame.
You’re so rigt, Jodie. There are folk who carry on this way and think nothing of it. It’s a terrible and lowdown kinda shame.
I would never borrow money from someone I barely knew. That’s a bold step. I guess it’s even bolder to pay it back with bullshit.
You got that right, Melissa. It’s amazing, the kinda folk in the world.
Polonius:
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. – W. Shakespeare knew the drill.
Sorry your kindness was so rudely rewarded, Totsy.
I should’ve been reading more Shakespeare, huh.
I’m sorry too.
It’s the hardest thing to loan people money because inevitably something like this happens, which strains the relationship. Sorry it happened to you, Tots. It happened to me in my youth. Talk about agonizing. Never did see that money again. SIgh.
Karma’s gonna kick these kinda folk in the poot box. I’m still nursing my agony at the moment, however.
You are not an idiot; kind heart yes I see this but not an idiot. You were terribly rewarded for your kindness and have aptly identified the difference between blessed and bullshit. Some folks simply do not understand when they have been blessed with a kindness and do not know how to respond.
Many of us have done what you have done. I did this once, years ago for someone I I thought I knew well and it was to the tune of thousands not hundreds. Shortly thereafter her behavior became erratic and ugly, money does this I suspect. Toxic behavior caused me to cut off this person but I saved her last 5 phone messages in case she got worse. Knowing she would eventually show back up as well. Four years later who should show up, you guessed it! What did she want? A letter of reference and job references, what? Really? You want me to provide references for you stability and good moral character, really?
So no Totsymae, not an idiot at all. Don’t beat yourself up, look to the other person for their bad behavior.
You’re right, Valentine. And why do we tend to beat ourselves up when other folk do bad things to us? Because we didn’t follow our gut, perhaps. And because of that, I have to stop being angry with myself for being disobedient to self.
That woman had some bold audacity to cross that bridge back to you again. Is she crazy? Amazing that she thought you’d be a reference. No conscience to even have the thought.
While I think that there are far dumber things we can do, I always like to start the year by doing something I regret. Then the year is bound to go up from there.
Don’t beat yourself up over this, Totsy. Let it remind you that you’ve got a heart. And that’s always worth the price of admission~
That’s a positive way of looking at it. And I shall choose to see it as such. Thank you.
It’s all down hill from here, Totsy. Or uphill. One of the two!
I haven’t been asked, but with two kids in school (one in college) there isn’t a lot to give away. I don’t think what you did was dumb. You help someone out with the best of intentions and likely assumed (at the time) this was a short term loan. Sadly, the recipient, took the money and ran, ignoring your good intentions. Karma will come floating back around for both of you.
Well, I love Karma when she’s good to me. Anything otherwise, I don’t want her anywhere near me.
We loan money to employees often, but we withhold payments! I loan money to my housekeeper and she keeps up with the balance. I have no idea when she’s paid up, but she does. I’ve lost a couple of friends by loaning them money that they could never repay. Now, I give the money to anybody who needs it … if I can afford it. Otherwise, I extend my sincere sympathy…