“Halle” Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2013. Totsymae.
Become a surrogate mother. Even if you tied and burned your tubes, this can be accomplished if you’ve got a sales background with a sweet as pie disposition. All you have to do is convince somebody else to have the baby. Make sure you have business cards and a nice letterhead to sell yourself. Wear a suit but not a gray or black one. Try neutral?colors, like?a soft beige and nothing tight-fitting, please.?Sorry men folk, this is a woman type business.
Sell windshield wipers. This is a very overlooked opportunity, folks. Who the hell thinks about replacing windshield wipers until they’re needed? You can grab lotsa business on a Saturday at your local WalMart. However, don’t go to any African-American owned beauty salon where you’ll also see a parking lot fulla cars ’cause all the money’s going toward hair weaves and laced wigs. Just giving you the heads up beforehand. Okay?
Become a junk mail “get-rid of” business owner. I guarantee you nobody else is doing this as a business. Just think of the time you can save other folk. And it’s recession-proof! Imagine the repeat customers you’ll have with all the shit folk get in the mail everyday. You’ll also be able to make money on the back end by recycling the junk mail.? I promise you can make a stash of cash right in your own neighborhood.
Make unfamous folks famous. If reality TV can do it, why can’t you? Start an online rag magazine. Start with your friends and family. Take photos and tell all their business. You don’t want to take regular ole photos of regular ole folks, however. You’ve gotta catch them when they think they’re looking hot. Nobody wants to read about plain folk doing their laundry or other such nothings. Have interviews and guest spots called Famous Nobodys and I guarantee you that everybody will think they’re somebody, same as reality TV. Now, I can’t promise you won’t get yourself sued. It is a high-risk business but damn worth the effort if you can make it work.
Start a professional kissing school. You can quit your day job with this one. Now, I’ve never heard anybody say they’re a bad kisser. That just doesn’t happen. Though, folk know they can’t be all that good at it when they see their partner wet around the mouth afterwards. I don’t know how that happens but it does. Some folk need help. If you’re more like a licker than a kisser, you can’t be the one opening up this here school. Okay? Your ass gonna need to enroll in some recurring sessions so you can get this down to a science. Alright?
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
“Halle” is a PHENOMENAL watercolor. Standing ovation to you!
Thanks, Laurie. I plan to post more portraits here this year.
I think I’ll go with the “Become a junk mail “get-rid of” business owner” route. I will, sadly, become my own best customer, though.
You could make a pretty good penny off me too.
I’d be careful Totsy. Starting a tabloid sounds right up Beatrice’s ally and you’d be sure to be on her list of people to stalk!
Ooh, I didn’t think about Beatrice. She’d be hot on my tail. I may have to rethink that one.
I’m going to try the surrogate mother thang. I’ve had practice with childrens and grandchildrens. The kissing school is not really that great an idea during flu season, Totsy. I might do that come April though. I don’t know if my womb works well enough to hold an implant of any sort, but it’s worth a shot. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yep, I thought that would be right up your alley.
With the kissing school, you don’t have to be the one kissing. You get folk to do that for you since they will be your instructors. Though, you will have to kiss them during the interview process.
Ahahah thanks for sharing these brilliant ideas, Totsy!
Love the new design and also this portrait of Halle Berry.
Thank you. Maybe you can try the kissing school since you’re French and all.
This was too funny. Another suggestion would be selling portable chargers or surge protectors @ free Wi-Fi places like B&N. These only have two outlets that are always taken or not working for those with laptops, tablets, etc. Great post!
That’s another perfect business opportunity. Sounds lucrative too, with so many folk hanging out in coffee cafes and whatnot. I stopped going to such places on account of not being able to locate an outlet and too, ’cause I couldn’t focus in all that noise. I’d end up checking emails and playing on the web. Just faking it, was all.
Yeah, I know what you mean. My laptop crashed on me last November. I am borrowing a much older laptop and using it at B&N and using the computers at a local college library. It is hard to concentrate at times, but I usually can block the noise out with listening to music on my phone. I try to limit online time to the first hour that I am there then get some writing in. I have to get out of my house sometimes because I can find more distractions….pile of laundry, other chores, TV, etc.
Panera Bread is the only Wi-Fi place that I have seen with a lot of outlets, though.
I used to go to Panera Bread. It was always so crowded whenever I went. I do like that it’s more spacious. I may give it another try. They have some bumdiggety pastries too.
The cherry ones & French croissants are why I’m on a diet now. Lol. I forgot to say that your Halle artwork is beautiful.
Love the colours you’ve used in the Halle painting.. very effective Totsymae.
I’ve had my flu jab.. so kissing it is for me.. I was BORN to kiss I tell ya !!
Thank you, Cherry. I’m gonna let everybody know kissing is your business.
Preferably to an independent, kind, fun 50ish man who lives in the East of England.. Thank you
I can dig that, Cherry.
Totsy, only you can provide such creative ways to find employment in this recession. Me, I’m thinking of opening the professional kissing school. It doesn’t seem like a lot of energy will be involved (I think) and I’m sure it pays well. I’m off to print those business cards! hee hee! I love, love the Halle watercolor! Beautiful!
Thank you, Bella.
I think you’d be a hit with the kissing school with all your personality. Better run it by Hubby first though,
Love the new look, Totsy!
Thanks, Patricia.
These are all fabulous ideas, I think I like the idea of making unfamous people infamous. If KK can do it from a little peck and blow why not people I know? Right?
Love the new look and the water color is beautiful.
Thanks, Valentine.
I say go for it.
Don’t know how you come up with this stuff. Hysterical!
Hehehe! I don’t either.
Those are all sound business opportunities if I ever saw one. But then again, if I ever saw a sound business opportunity, I’d be jumping on it and not wasting my time trying to make my UN-famous self famous.
Yes, and lucrative. I think you’d do well at selling windshield wipers.
Love your watercolor “Halle” …very cool.
I do notice that all your creative ideas require at least some effort. That pretty much rules them out for me. Still…kudos to you for your creativeness.
Thank you.
These are brilliant, Totsy! I could use the junk mail person right now. And I like that the junk can be recycled to make money on the backend. The windshield wiper seller? Fantastic! I thought of the time I was driving back from Toronto, it poured almost all the way through Pennsylvania and wouldn’t you know it, the wiper on the driver’s side died! We had to stop a few times to find a replacement and then change it in the driving rain. Not fun!
Oh, nearly forgot: that Halle watercolor is slamming!
Given my health situation, a few of these options are limited, but I could most certainly start a professional kissing school. I have a Ph.D. and all!
Loving the artwork, Totsymae! Now, let me go on about the business of making unfamous people famous, starting with me.
Thanks, Somer. Hope you’re staying warm. It’s coooold where you are.