Signs That You’re a Wanna-Be Bourgeois Folk
December 2, 2012 by totsymae1011
“Cosmo Girl No. 3″ Acrylic on Paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae
- You shop at WalMart every three months or so and tell folk you don’t shop there. However, your ass will swing by the dollar store or somewhere of that nature instead. In fact, not only are you a wanna-be bourgeois folk, you’re a liar and can’t be trusted. Let’s be real. WalMart’s got cheap shit and you don’t give a damn about where the products are made. Matter of fact, you’re real good about saying, “All I bought was some Windex,” as if buying one thing discounts shopping there at all.
- You’re a pretty good dresser but most of the underwear and socks you have in your drawer are raggedy. This is the worst of pretentious folk and they’re stingy as hell. You can usually detect these folk spot on ’cause generally, they talk too much, can never keep up with their car keys and always wanna take two plates home after a family function or office party.
- You’re from the south and go live somewhere else and try to act like you’re from everywhere but. If you pay good enough attention, you’ll pick up the dialect or hear some southern lingo at a critical time. This typically happens when everyone is sitting around drinking or getting high. Be careful if you’re one of these type of wanna-bes. Folks are waiting for you to slip up and if I’m in a foul mood and don’t like you, I just might be the one. I won’t even lie to you.
- You try to act like you lifted yourself by your own bootstraps to get to comeuppance status or however you see yourself in the world. Stop lying. Nobody does it alone. Somebody had to give your ass something, whether that was a good word, a meal or something to help you meet your goals. Shit, even if you slept with somebody, you still got something, okay? You, nor anybody else, are so great and grand that you did it alone. These are selfish grandstanders who are highly proficient with cheating on their taxes, will show up at other folk houses around mealtime all innocent and shit and eat dried-out peaches for late-night snacks. They are some cheap asses, okay?
- You have a greater financial investment in your outer-self than your interior. If you’re not cute on the inside, all the hairweave and tummy-tucks and whatnots won’t do it for you either. These are the saddest of the Wanna-Bes ’cause there’s little intervention for them and Dr Phil can’t do it alone, which he’s been pissing me off of late, just so you know. Anyway, these folk have little self-realization and think no one can see that. They’re always trying to hip somebody onto something without extending in great detail ’cause they haven’t figured the shit out themselves. It’s kinda hard to have empathy for these folk ’cause they’re loud, are constantly in the mirror and will come to you house, specifically, to steal all of your decorating ideas.