I know. I talked all that talk about how I was the shit in my skinny jeans, and I was. Folks, I didn’t know I had “The Look” wearing sweat pants too. I mean, hell, they’re sweat pants.
The day after I returned to the states, this is what I wore to the store. The same sweat pants I worked out in over in Saudi. By the way, I’m marinating on whether I should tell you about my texting altercation. I had to send a little email this morning to do some whistleblowing, so I’m in the witness protection program now. You being the witness and the alarm system on my house being the protection. My folks, inside my head that is, are telling me to lay low for now.
Anyhow. Where was I?…Hold on…Thought I heard somebody rubbing their backside against the house…Okay. Here I am. Well, I went to the grocery store, right? Now, the sweats I was wearing were fitted but I wasn’t thinking nothing about them. I was just trying to get me a little something to cook. By the way again, I’m gonna show y’all some more bumdiggety recipes. I just haven’t been real focused in the kitchen. Not that that’s anything new but you know what I’m saying.
So anyway, I’m pushing my cart and shit, right? I’m telling you the truth, folks. The worker in there, I think he was in the meat department, at least he looked the meaty type, was kinda following me. Asking me how I’m doing and whatnot. Could he help me find anything and all that willynilly. Like he didn’t have nothing to do but help me. You know, I wasn’t paying no mind. It was on one track, which was to get me some groceries. I was all about the business of feeding my face. Some other fella was trying to be all up in my dried breast milk too but I wasn’t thinking about nothing but them groceries, okay?
Well, I know fella number one was following me ’cause another day I went, there he was again trying to help me again and he was lingering and whatnot. He was going in another direction ’til he saw moi.I mean, shit, if anybody knows how to navigate a grocery store, I do, okay? And he was an okay enough looking fella. All big and strapping and whatnot. However, I was still reveling in the fact that I could even be in a store without an abaya, also minusing a damn bus waiting to take me back to a compound.
Now, I ain’t saying I’m all that. I’m making it, as we say in the south. However. Women folk need to be aware of when they’ve got “The Look.” And you don’t have to work it hard or nothing. Unless you’re selling. Know what I’m saying?…Oh, hell naw! I hear somebody clipping their toenails on the front porch. Let me make sure my alarm’s on.