Folks, do you even realize what you’re getting into when you hook up for life? Getting married, I mean. Well, it’s my civic duty to let you know that there’s a new study out that says married women folk are heavy drinkers. Matter of fact, while the hubbys cut back, wifeys turn up the bottle more. They also drink more than widows, divorcees AND single women folk! Ain’t that a bitch?
Which may explain why I haven’t partaken in nuptials a second go-round. It could also be that there’s so much riff-raff out there, that only Lord knows if I did end up marrying one of them, I’d end up drinking like Hemmingway and cutting my damn ear off too. Who knows? I won’t win for losing with these folks somewhat in my DNA. However, I do watch enough Lifetime to know how to put ole dude away should he piss me off to the highest of pisstivity. Not that I would but you develop all kindsa skills in your repertoire when you watch Lifetime.
Now, I wanna ask you married women folk a question or two ’cause y’all need to stop popping corks AND babies, if that’s the route you’re going. You know who you are. But then again, maybe you’re in denial, which is why this post serves as an intervention of sorts. Now, when I was married, I’m gonna be real honest with you. I didn’t drink ’cause I don’t drink. I like every part of a drink except for the alcohol content. And I’m not coordinated enough to smoke weed or nothing. You know, you have to know how much to inhale and blow out and I ain’t smart enough to figure it out. I could probably ask Bill Clinton though. Or maybe not since he didn’t inhale.
Shit, turns out I don’t have a question after all. But just so you drinking married women folk feel better about your “condition,” there’s also a study that says married folk live longer than unmarried folk. That being the case, I could go any day now. Unlike yourself, you get to live out a long life with a bottle in one hand, and if your marriage is really screwed, a nicotine stick in the other. I don’t know how common law situations fit into this equation. I mean, there’re no papers to hold folk together in that case, which, personally, would drive me to drinking if he was paying the rent and I was, say, working at Mickey D’s.
Now, you might be rolling your neck and snapping your fingers, saying to yourself, “Totsy, you’re hatin’ and I ain’t stud’n this shit you’re talking. Jive ass turkey.” And you could be one-fourth of a percent absolutely correct. I really can’t be all that sure about your declaration, having gone through the fire once already and I won’t elaborate -ahem - at this point since certain – ahem - folk read this here blog. Not talking about you reading it but you know - ahem, ahem, cough, cough, choking…certain folk.
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Once is usually enough for most people……though I was a moron and did it twice…..BTW it is an oxymoron….”Happily Married”…..
Moron? Oh, no!!! The first time was practice…
Oh hey! We married folk are just like the rest of y’all. I was out with a single friend last night and she and I had 2 drinks each. We had one glass of wine before dinner and one with dinner. Now, I’m a happily married woman when my husband is home. When he isn’t home, (like gone on a trip somewhere for a few weeks or a month or something), I am not so happily married. I think about going out with other dudes just to keep me entertained, but then I realize that would probably piss my husband off so I don’t do it.
I think before last night, the last drink of alcohol I had was when my friend Nicky came to visit and we sat up late one night drinking wine and gabbing but that was about the middle of July. So, I don’t think I qualify as a drinking woman too much.
If I had some weed, I’d smoke it. Oh yes I would. But I don’t so I won’t.
When my husband is gone, I probably don’t drink at all unless I go out someplace with somebody and then I do have a drink. Drinking alone isn’t really fun. But since I have lived alone, I’ve done it. But see, I lived alone when I was single.
I think studies are BS. I mean, it’s good to have something to go on, depending on how significant the study is, and there’s one for everything. First, they say eating chocolate’s bad and then, it’s not and then eat this or that amount. It’s tiring. There need to be a study on the folk who conduct studies to see how life is treating them.
“There need to be a study on the folk who conduct studies to see how life is treating them” … haha, aint that the truth!
When I studied Social welfare a few years ago I remember reading research about mental health which said that a man’s mental health improves when he’s married and a woman’s get worse!! . The research also found that a single man’s mental health was worse than a single woman’s..
Ain’t rocket science to work out why!
Well, my my…We’ve got to get these single men married off. There’s no telling what they’re liable to do if we don’t.
If a woman is worse off for being married, I guess you and me are doing okay, Cherry.
I guess so Totsymae… and I don’t need to drink! ( I’m allergic to alcohol anyway.. No really I am ! )
All I’m going to say is that they didn’t research ‘me’ and the last time ‘I’ had a conversation with ‘myself’ our mental health was just fine…
.
Married and no drinking, so is there something wrong with me?
Well, are you a closet chocoholic?
Hahaha, Totsy, only 1/4 of a percent? You’re hysterical — that’s me laughing like a crazy person here. I never heard about that study. Not sure I believe it.
Anyway, that was a hard movie but it was heartwarming to see how much he tried to support her.
I don’t believe in a lot of studies myself but I find it interesting what they do studies of. Yeah, that movie seems so real. I’m sure there are some real families out there that are dealing with this and it’s not my intention to poke fun of those situations. However, my way is easing the reader into a serious matter with a bit of humor. Meg Ryan did a splendid job and it’s one of my favorite movies. It was actually the movie that made me start looking at pilots as being sexy.
As my husband used to say, “everything in life is a trade-off”. Guess it depends on what you’re trading for what…
That sounds about right. Best to get to know the content inside the package real good. Returns are getting fairly pricey these days.
Married and moderate drinking. Or moderately married. Or something. Besides, how else do you put up with a guy?
Put that way, sounds reasonable. Maybe I should’ve acquired a taste for alcoholic beverages.
They are rather fattening, though, I’m afraid! Plus, you are in Saudi Arabia. And while that would lead me to drink, it would be hard to find.
Once was definitely enough for me, Totsy! Life’s too short to do it with an albatross around your neck!
You have to give it at least one more shot.
I’ve been married for over 40 years, and to the same woman! All I can say, as I sit here and am getting high, is that weed is much more preferable to alcohol when it comes to making a marriage work.
And it’s a herb, so everybody gets that natural and groovy type feeling.
I love drinking too but have that problem with alcohol – I don’t like it. So I guess I should say, if I were a drinkin’ women, I’d be drunk – a lot! But, alas, I’m not, so I do chocolate. I inhale the scent, I suck it, I chew it, I savor it. If it could be put in a pipe, I’d smoke it. If it could be put in a needle, I’d shove it in my vein. Got carried away there! lol You are too funny and I loved the post! Now, where did I hide that chocolate!
I like chocolate too. Had me almost a pan of brownies yesterday. They kepta calling me and I’m pretty obedient to such things. And did I mention I had sprinkled almonds on top. Hammercy!!!
~~~~A glass of wine or two is def. good for a marriage. Oh, and one day I must ask my son to get us some weed to smoke! Haaa
I say: whatever turns you on, babe. Wine. Weed. 50 Shades of Chocolate.
Marriage is HARD work. Some days, I need LOTS of wine! Some days, I need LOTS of kisses.
Love this post, Tots. You. Make. Me. Laugh. Xxxx
Sounds like you’ve got balance and a good sense of marriage. Kisses mixed with wine sounds real good to me.
And you’re talking to the choir about this Andy Garcia. Hooooney, that man is yummmy! Good Gawd-a-Mighty!
Ohh, I forgot,
I LOVE “When A Man Loves a Woman.”
Andy Garcia is HOT Hot hot.
Watching Meg Ryan swig vodka from a bottle hit a bit too close to home (but that was over 28 years ago). I forgot about the movie and thanks for reminding me. I loved the movie.
As for marriage and health, all your studies are correct (as a sociologist, I read those studies). But they talk about patterns and we live our lives as individuals, so the two don’t always match up so well. Maybe it’s not marriage we should be studying, but loving (or not) committed relationships…
Yep. I love the movie too. It was well-written and acted out.
I agree with the whole non-committal/committed statement. Sometimes we don’t get the big catch the first time around.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure I got the my big catch now that I let the first one go.
I feel inclined to ask my mum how her drinking habits changed through the single, married, single mother of three cycle.
I’m quite sure we drove her to drink at times – does that count as well?
No, that doesn’t count.
Kids don’t know much about anything since their brains aren’t fully developed. Now, grown folk driving other grown folk to drink is another story.
Bless your mum.
What if all of her children were boys, of man – who grew up to become men?
You got me on that one, Mark. But I have to add, if mum took a swig or two from time to time, it probably kept her steady on raising a houseful of boys. Man, I can’t imagine. And the grocery bill!
Tots, your last paragraph had me choking too … with laughter! What a good one. Thanks for the laugh this morning.
You’re welcome. You always catch everything I say.
My favorite line: “Now, I wanna ask you married women folk a question or two ’cause y’all need to stop popping corks AND babies, if that’s the route you’re going.” Then you don’t have a question! Hysterical. I loved it!
You know, I lose track of what I intend to say and go on with the flow.
Thank you, Jodi. Love you and your visits.
I resemble that study, I’m afraid. Happily married for 15 years, popped out three babies during that time. And a HELL of a lot more corks.
Haaha! We’re gonna blame that on the hormonal imbalances that came with three births. It’s not your fault. It’s never our fault.
Tots, if this helped even one mom look honestly at her drinking, your halo holds a jewel!
I have another picadillo –
It’s such irony to me that gov’ts love all the tax money that alcohol brings in, yet almost every crime involves alcohol in one way or another. People who committed crimes in black out conditions stand in court really believing they never did the deed. Ever hear of anyone being diagnosed with a tendency to black out? Has any judge ever said, “What we have here is alcohol induced amnesia!”?
We know lots of folk who have those pesky little losses of memory while drinking.
And the gov’t just keeps hauling in alcohol’s tax dollar so they can look for grow operations…the weed that just happens to help people with various health conditions.