Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae
Look. I can’t say I understand what it’s like to wanna marry somebody and can’t. Strike that. I suppose I can but me wanting to marry Denzel and him already having a wife is more complicated, I reckon. I mean, he just hasn’t made himself available to me, so I guess we’re kinda in boats running along the same waters ’cause the law ain’t passed in a lotta states for same-sex couples to get married. A pity and a shame, some folk say but I’m gonna tell you like this…
I say, let the president and congress focus on the economy right now ’cause these are mostly men folk and they’re not known for multitasking. Besides, you’re gonna need yourself a job to take care of your spouse once you do marry, okay? In the meantime, keep fornicating, knocking boots or whatever the hell you call what you do. You don’t have to tell me what it is ’cause I ain’t interested in the terminology but whatever it is, go right on with it since you’ve been doing it all this time. I’m fairly certain you’re not virgins or nothing.
I realize you’ve been waiting for years and all that but frankly, I think jobs are more pressing than getting married. Plan out the wedding for however long it takes the law to pass but please, hold back on the legislating ’til some of them jobs come back from China. Hell, we’re still trying to replace the Made in China shit we bought from Ikea and that’s gonna take some time since EVERY. DAMN. THING. is made in China. In the between time, I highly recommend you fly, take a train or bus to one of them states that’s allowing gay marriage, if the need’s that urgent. Shit, be practical. You’ve gotta go honeymooning somewhere anyway, so go on and handle your business wherever that may be.
Not trying to minimize what you’re going through and I know it’s akin to saying, ‘Somebody’s going through shit far worse than you. Look at the children starving in Africa.’ Don’t it piss you off when folk say that? But it’s true, right? I’m not trying to be all up and inside of your business and whatnot but we do have to prioritize. If you know of a way to keep child predators away from innocent younguns, let’s put that first on the agenda. Maybe, let’s even get those soldiers back from Afghanistan too. You may decide you want one of them instead. You know how fickle love can be. And let’s rally behind elderly folk and take care of them first too. America just don’t care for their elderly like other countries. I’d also like to see folks not having such easy access to guns. These are more pressing matters that puts everyone at risk, if not taken care of. Get a more prolific take on this at Impower You, as she talks Past Pop Politics, which sums it all up for me.
I understand you want the whole package, health benefits and all that but until what you want happens, you’re gonna have to work like everybody else to get those benefits, okay? Or get Obamacare, one.
Looka here. I really would like to care about gay marriage but honestly, my plate’s real full. I won’t lie to you. I can see me now, if I did go to some gay marriage rally and somebody got to really inquiring on my stance. There I’d be, holding a paper plate of food and a cuppa something in the other hand. Just my damn luck, there a camera would be with a reporter shoving a mic all up in my face, and I’d have to go, “I’m only here for the cookies and punch.”
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Yeah, I can’t get too worked up about the issue myself. I hate it when I hear that a partner died and the other one couldn’t get in to see him. Stuff like that. But, we got way more pressing stuff to fix. Heck, we’re trying to go backwards fifty years with women’s rights as it is! I guess time will take care of most of these problems. Sooner or later maybe we’ll get evolved enough to fix all of the inequities and injustices in the world, but it hasn’t happened yet.
Maybe we need to see the to-do list of these folks in office too and have them sign it, like a contract. If they fall short, we get to sue them or chunk rocks at them in the public square…Have I been over here too long? Anyhow, seriously, we need to get protect our children and elderly better than what we’ve been doing, without hefty price tags.
Totsy, screw the state it is not their decision to make……they cannot legislate morality….they try because it is easier than earning their pay by doing the important things……
Reblogged this on The ObamaCrat.Com™ and commented:
Some marriage advice from my twin Totsymae
I’m now talking calls at 1.800.Help.Yourself.
Thanks again for the reblog.
Except the problem is, when one of us isn’t free none of are free. It is all the same thing. I hear you there are a whole heap of things that are priorities and some of them seem like they should be at the top of the list, but then I think this isn’t just about ‘marriage’ it is about human rights and dignity. If in 1967 the Loving’s hadn’t fought for their rights to be married to one another I wouldn’t be married to my husband today. No it isn’t just about ‘Gay Marriage’, it is about human rights in the United States, it is about all of us.
Yeah, it’s about human rights but that freedom to have it has never come easily. It’s America, after all.
I think I just need to be cloned so that I can work/write on all these issues. Not being gay, this one falls to the sidelines, but like Val said, everyone deserves freedom to choose. In fact, that’s one of the things that bothers me so much about the right wing — they preach “freedom” but practice exclusion for everybody that doesn’t look or act like them.
Yes, get yourself cloned and I’ll borrow some of your great attribute and put into my cloned self as well. And yes, freedom is exclusive and not always an inalienable right.
And the movement does have a point when it says that gay marriages make jobs in the wedding industry. Those guys do know how to throw a party.
Seasonal opportunities are better than none.
I am glad to see someone else expressed what you have done here. These single issue people, whatever that may be, are totally consumed by their alleged victimization. I rage about Afghanistan too. This week another half dozen or so will be killed. That makes about 6,500 dead from Iraq and Afg, 60,000 returning amputees , and 400,000 with chronic debilitative mental and physical illness. Feel any safer ? Compound that with the suffering of bereaved families.
I agree with you, Carl. These numbers are heartbreaking. One war after another. Sad. In the culture of ‘me’, we should be exasperated and see beyond political rhetoric. My connection is most related to these issues I mentioned. A referendum for who passes a law for gay unions isn’t the main artery that will make of break us.
Love the look of your site, Tots. Had to say so since I haven’t been here in a while.
I get what you’re saying–tackle the issues that affect people’s ability to survive. But can’t these supposedly smart people in Congress walk and chew gum at the same time? Can’t they tackle civil liberties and the economy? Giving gays the right to marry, as far as I know, shouldn’t cost tax payers (or job creators) a whole lot of money, should it?
Thanks, Lorna.
I don’t think they can walk and chew gum simultaneously. It doesn’t cost, as I know it but you know, there’s this mindset of social values and family.
Yes, fixed (and convenient) ideas of what “family values” means always get in the way. I mean, how can people who sputter about family values be cheating on their spouses or their taxes, but stand up and say that two same sex people in a committed relationship can’t get married? I always ask people who talk about family values, “What values are you referring to EXACTLY?”
Seems like a lot of folks in Washington are concerned about who’s screwing who. I just don’t want em screwing me
That’s screwing whom not who. Who is subj or nominative case, whom is objective case. You may also object to the object used for the screwing.
My goodness. You’re a history AND English teacher, with wit.
I don’t want that either but I think it’s too late for us both.
Actually letting more gay peeps get married has a very positive impact on jobs. Wedding planners, bakeries, stationers, divorce attorneys, ads for same in bridal magazines… Plus like you said, free cookies and punch for the guests!
I get it, some people obsess about what gay people do in bed and get all squicked out about it. But lots of straight people do things in bed that would scare the horses, and we don’t go all Peeping Tom into THEIR lives. When I read 50 Shades and saw the list of things that might or might not be “hard limits”… IMO, fists are for pumping in the air when you win a sports event, not that other stuff.
But yes, menfolks are generally challenged on multitasking. And I would like to see all our servicepeople home from the hot sandy parts of the globe where other people are trying to blow them up.
Must be a whole buncha gays out there who wanna get married to impact jobs. You know, there’s one state, maybe TX, can’t remember, that won’t grant gay divorces. It’s looked at as though gays were fighting to marry, not divorce. Strange and kinda funny at the same time. More facetious than anything, I guess.
I read some really kinky heterosexual stuff that grossed me out. ‘Course I was only 12 and reading it on the downlow but even now, I don’t think I could take it.
I don’t think gay marriage is consuming that much of our politicians’ time. Seems to me like they’re expending a lot more energy arguing about abortion and birth control, all while they ran on a platform of jobs, jobs, jobs. Now THAT’s disturbing.
Yes, we have a lot of problems to deal with. We always will — so by that reasoning, the gays will never be able to marry their partners. There was never a good time to free the slaves or give women the vote or allow minorities to sit at the front of the bus. These things happened, often far later than they should have, not because they came at a convenient time, but because it was the right thing to do.
As for jobs, we can help each other at the community level by buying local and working together to support small businesses. In the town where I recently moved, we have a number of exciting initiatives to do just that, and we are both buying and investing locally. This model and those similar to it are being adopted in communities all over the country. Stop waiting for the pompous brats in D.C. to solve the problems. We can do it!
No, it’s not consuming. What’s consuming is the conservative mindset that defines marriage. I don’t know what kinda movement it will take for it to change, or if it would have to come to that. The right thing to do is always fuzzy, for some reason. I would like further discussion, as mentioned, on issues that affects everyone. We’re kinda stuck on the same topics/issues every four years. I’d like to see some bills passed that can’t be reversed. The Voting Rights Act, Roe vs Wade, etc. It’s cyclical BS and the public is so tired of it.
Tots, I admire you saying it straight (no pun intended). And so many laugh-out-loud lines like this “I’m not trying to be all up and inside of your business and whatnot …”
We’re a hot mess over in the U.S., aren’t we? And you know, sometimes we get some politician to come outta the closet every now and then. We’re averaging about every three years now.
I enjoyed this! Laughed out loud, while reading it to hubby. I love your frankness!
Now, hubby’s gonna start monitoring your internet activities. You on here hanging out with crazy folk and whatnot.
LOL! He better not! The buck stops right there! Can’t be having no at-home stalker!
Funny, I hadn’t though of it this way at all. I always thought if they want to get married, let them get on with it. No skin off my nose, type of thing. I like your take better.
Now, I’m dying to hear what you have to say about Chick-fil-a and Gabby Douglas’ hair. As I said, I don’t miss the insanity.
Well, it’s complicated they say. Just take you a woman to the courthouse and see. Just for testing purposes. Hadn’t thought of doing such a thing myself. I don’t think I couldn’t not laugh my way through it.
I think folk are wrong for focusing on surface stuff. Gabby is doing her thing and I’m proud of her. Wish she was my second daughter. Don’t have much to say in the way of Chicl-fil-A. I think they’re entitled to think and feel how they want. We’re not going to agree on everything. It’s not a middle eastern country or nothing.
I think it is important to keep in mind the difference between secular law and rights and divine law and rights!
So, what you trying to say. My head’s been hurting all day and I can’t think straight.
Human rights are for everyone and that does mean everyone. America is supposed to be the land of the Free. As an outsider English woman it looks to me like that works in America so long as you’re a middle aged white man or one of the wealthy 1% the rest are in economic slavery to.
OH and here in the UK we don’t look after our old people well either, we have sold the most vulnerable to the private sector for them to make profit out of…grrr
We’re religious folk over here, Cherry. That’s what kept slavery intact for so long and why the Indians are on reservations. We love our Bible and I don’t know if folk still believe in separate heavens for blacks and whites but maybe there will be one for gays too. I don’t know. We are two doomed nations for not taking care of our elderly. Shame on the UK and the US.
Shame is right Totsy… of course the bible not only says man shall not lay with man it also says a man may sell his daughter !! Ho hum…
Which testament are your reading? I don’t wanna sell mine. But I’m not a man either, so I wouldn’t have to. Hmmm…
Have a look at Exodus 21
21:1 Now these are the judgments which thou shalt set before them.
21:2 If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing.
21:3 If he came in by himself, he shall go out by himself: if he were married, then his wife shall go out with him.
21:4 If his master have given him a wife, and she have born him sons or daughters; the wife and her children shall be her master’s, and he shall go out by himself.
21:5 And if the servant shall plainly say, I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free:
21:6 Then his master shall bring him unto the judges; he shall also bring him to the door, or unto the door post; and his master shall bore his ear through with an aul; and he shall serve him for ever.
21:7 And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do.
21:8 If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her.
and watch out how you talk to your mother or father because it goes on to say…
21:15 And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death.
21:16 And he that stealeth a man, and selleth him, or if he be found in his hand, he shall surely be put to death.
21:17 And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.
( and I’m an atheist by the way
Old Testament.
How do you go about becoming an atheist?
Yes, I agree…it’s a human right issue.
…..And that’s that. Am I missing something? Not sure what all the verses mean??
Anyhow, who am I to judge, man?
Love your posts, Tots.
Xx KISS
Yeah. Most of us are missing something. I’d like to think I wasn’t but I know I am. And thank you much for stopping by.
I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and regret not having taken the time to comment previously, as I’m afraid your first impression may not be favorable of me. I understand what you’re trying to communicate with this post, however, I can’t help but strongly disagree and felt the need to explain a few things from my perspective.
So, correct me if I’m wrong, but what you’re saying is that gay people shouldn’t be prioritizing their basic human rights and should be letting the economy, jobs, children, elderly and everybody else go ahead and get in line in front of them.
And after that, what will come along? Environment? Renewable energy policies?
The thing about freedom and human rights is that it isn’t a zero sum game. There are plenty of resources, time and energy for everybody. I think a major reason why this isn’t a priority for you (and others) is because you don’t have to worry about not being allowed to see your partner in the hospital, having your children taken away from you in custody battles, being denied social security benefits or health insurance through federal and state jobs or any of the other myriad ways our discriminating laws affect gays on a daily basis.
That’s not even acknowledging the general social interactions, recognition and sense of belonging and being accepted that comes with having laws that fairly represent everyone.
However, let’s say this WAS a zero sum game. There has been more time and energy spent from the religious right and conservative Republican base than any other party with a dog in this fight.
Check out this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._state_constitutional_amendments_banning_same-sex_unions_by_type
There are 28 states that have passed legislation banning same sex marriage in the past decade. That’s not including the states that passed laws prior to 2002. This is an all out war on equality and human rights towards gays. If you wonder why there have been SO many more clashes recently in the courthouse and between policymakers it’s because homosexuals are, literally, trying to defend against these types of attacks on their ability to love and fully integrate and benefit from the (supposedly) free society they’re living in.
You’ve suggested that the gays that are all up in a hurry should just go ahead and fly to a state that allows gay marriage and let it be done that way. However, there are states that have passed legislation that nullify and completely void those marriages if they were to happen to cross the wrong state line. North Carolina comes to mind with the most recent law to do this through Amendment 1.
As far as the religious arguments on this issue go, I have no problem admitting that I am agnostic and not religious whatsoever. Luckily for me, I live in a country that is supposed to not only allow freedom of religion, but also freedom FROM religion if we so choose. The fact that we are supposed to be living in a society that separates our church from our state should mean that this argument really shouldn’t even be applied in this case.
Our country has a long history of civil rights and working towards learning and righting our wrongs. How would it have felt if someone had come up to Martin Luther King, Jr and said, “That’s nice you having a dream and all, but you need to put that on hold. We have a war we’re fighting and missiles in Cuba and just don’t have time for making you an equal.” Do you think Rosa Parks should have said, “Oh, pardon me for sitting in your front seat, I understand that you’re stressed and having a bad day. My civil liberties can wait until it’s more convenient for you. Let me go ahead and move to the back of the bus.”
Surely you can you see how ludicrous that sounds?
This topic, like most of what I write, imposes humor. Personally, no, it’s not on my list of priorities in how I choose the next president. This may very well be one of those issues that arise like Roe vs Wade, which I think shouldn’t be on the agenda every 4 years either.
[...] being said, she recently wrote a post entitled, “So, You’re Gay and Wanna Get Married,” and even though I have been somewhat of a lurker and never commented on her blog up until [...]
oh wow @hansi–so true, and @totsymae –lady, I’m laughing (at your “voice” in the blog) but you’re right. As a woman of color in AMERICA you know I’m all about the rights of others, but there’s so much going on in this world that affects our economy (aka middle class/ small businesses/ healthcare\ education etc. etc) that I can’t really focus on anything outside of that line of thinking.
You’re a busybee, that’s for sure. Seems like just yesterday you guest posted on my blog and we’re less that two months away for Halloween again already.
With all that you’ve listed and all being number one, depending on who you ask, I wonder what will ever get done, period.