Young Lady with Henna. This young lady’s brother was married and her hand was designed with henna. It’s customary for the bride to have this after marriage too. Copyright 2012 Totsymae.
Recently, I heard an interesting story about this Sudanese couple’s marriage. Just so you know, they’re Muslim too and speak Arabic. Two of the Arabic women have been here two years and there’s one who’s also a U.S. citizen now, though she’s very much Muslim. Understand, too, it’s not typical for Muslim women folk to marry nonMuslims. It’s, however, more acceptable for a nonMuslim woman to marry a Muslim man ’cause it’s believed he’ll influence her to convert to his faith, him being the man and all.
Now, the one Sudanese woman who’s also American is divorced. She was married to a Sudanese Muslim. The interesting part about these marriages is they’re somewhat arranged. Same goes for Saudis too. The mother of the Saudi family will get to looking at her son and see that he’s ready for him a woman. She gets to scoping out young women folk from families she knows. It may even be a cousin she picks down the line somewhere. I don’t know how their babies turn out, so don’t ask, okay? I do know that when a young lady’s got something not considered normal with her, it’s kept on the hush ’cause it’s hard to get her married off. Though, back to the Sudanese marriage story.
Well, this Sudanese young lady was telling me why her friend divorced. Poor man had so much working against him. The friend didn’t like that her husband dipped his biscuit in his tea. That wet bread floating around in his tea, which is nasty to me too, was a worriation to her. He also slurped when he drank hot liquids. Another strike he had against him was when they had guests, he’d eat most of the food. However, the absolute worst part of the union was when they had “relations,” he’d hop outta bed right in the middle of “it” and run to the bathroom. Don’t ask me what took place in that bathroom, okay? I didn’t wanna know, so I didn’t ask.
The same young lady who related this story was telling me how this prospect she’s looking at is “wanting” her real bad. I told her he was horny, which I had to explain the meaning. He’s 30 and virginal. They both are but his jones is down on him real hard. Just to hear her on the phone makes him wanna do it. She ain’t with that, okay? She wants somebody who can talk to her, make her laugh and all that good stuff. She’s like, “Totsy, what should I do?” in this little squealy voice. I gave her my thoughts but in the end, I told her it looks no easier for Muslim folk than it does for us nonMuslims.
It’s either drinking the milk before buying the cow or getting buttermilk down the road. What do you think?
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
You’re so silly, I have been busy and missing your stories! Love you! Jodi
Ha! You know me well…
Love you back, Jodi.
Buttermilk is really only good in pancakes and ranch dressing.
Which is really bad for lactose intolerants. Better to taste the milk first in that case.
Sample the milk. It’s a must.
Hmmm…:-)
When I think about some of the guys my mother thought I should date… ugh! I’m very happy I got to choose my own husband.
And who’d wanna marry their cousin?
We have a Saudi friend whose family arranged his marriage. He flew back to Saudi Arabia and the marriage took place. The bride and our friend returned to the US. When I spoke with him last and inquired about his wife, he told me they were divorced. The young woman couldn’t acclimate to life in America so she went back home.
My son in law’s grandmother had an arranged marriage when she was 15. It lasted until the death of her much older husband. My son in law’s mother married in the “un-arranged” tradition, and got divorced when her son was very young. It works sometimes, just what works for the two people is what matters I guess.
No easy road either way. I’ve often looked at the people here and wondered how they would adapt to new ways of life. It can be as difficult as some of the westerners have had to adapt in Saudi, I guess. Seeing it that way, I can understand the wife returning to Saudi.
Honestly? It’s a crap shoot…with each party bringing their own dice…loaded..or not.
It really is. One can only know themselves and that changes over time, even.
Buttermilk? LMAO! I have yet to hear that one. What I want to know is where the hell is my almond milk?
I wanna know where my almond milk is too.
Ha!
I think it’s more about what you expect from the marriage than about how you go about getting there. I do think on the whole cultures that practice arranged marriages are a little more practical about their expectations. No hollywood love story for you girl!
Works out much better in the movies than real Hollywood life, huh…
I am not surprised they got divorced – culture shock, but at the same time I understand it’s very difficult to divorce a Muslim man….
I don’t know if it’s difficult. Seems like it would be if the husband didn’t want to divorce.
I say hell she’ll be damned if she does and damned if she don’t.. whether tasted before or after won’t make it last any longer… or end any sooner… but where she lives if she does before and gets found out there may not be any after !!!
Is this motherly advice here, Cherry? I’m picturing you talking to son or daughter before going down the aisle.
You really are dealing with a difficult issues here, trying to advise this Muslim woman about her suitor! I firmly believe that genuine friendship is the very best way to begin a romance. It certainly forms a much sounder foundation that will stand the test of time, in my view.
I think SolidGold hit the nail on the head. I did tell the young lady that she must not confuse his telling her he loves her. That it’s love and not lust she wants him to feel for her. Seems like lust is more like it. But she knows him better than I.
Many cultures still practice arranged marriages, some work very well and others not so much. To me, I think there is something to be said for treating marriage like the contract it is, entering into it with low expectations and hoping for the best. The problem enters into the equation when there is such disparity between the parties, when one gender is accorded so much power and the other so little. Then, no matter how low the expectation there will always be an issue and only one party will be satisfied with the outcome.
On the other hand where there is a culture of more parity between the genders but marriage is something that is treated for the benefit of both parties and as a shelter for children, well there is often real friendship that can grow from the more formal arrangements. I have seen these work very well.
Hmmm…Seems it’s like seeing what’s behind door number 1. But that’s the case any way you look at marriage.
Oh dear, fact is, Horny-boy wants Anyone real bad. Maybe a hole in the ground would do. And once he’s satisfied the itch, then what? Sampling or not sampling, milk or buttermilk, aint going to determine the long term picture, but whether she can grow herself some love and respect for her man so when he slurps his tea she can laugh
Or a donut, a glass…
That slurping would bug the heck outta me too.
Like Val, I know several couples whose marriages were arranged. Sometimes I am amazed — I mean, the guys my parents liked? Yuck. But my friends went into these marriages by choice — the women could reject the men and the men could reject the women. Choice is helpful in keeping off resentment!
Resentment would be a horrible feeling. I hope most of the arranged types are happy unions.
What in heaven’s name are you up to, Tots! Marriage counseling now. I’ve missed a few so I have to read backwards to find out how the heck you got here…
HAAA!!!! You crack me up! Yes, I’m marriage counseling now.
All men a pigs. hey I like the henna tattoos; best of both worlds and not permanent.
Dang Hansi, I wasn’t expecting that from a man, but okay.
The henna is beautiful, I agree.
I’m looking at Hansi’s comment and thinking that you and I need to do some cloning!
I’ll do up a Denzel and throw away the batter for no other re-makes.
Buttermilk? Never heard that one before but I love it. I busted out laffing right away.
I think I know why he jumped out of bed. I know someone who was with a Muslim guy too and that was one of her complaints. But I was with a nonMuslim guy and he used to jump up too. It’s a deal breaker for me. I say, taste the milk first. Shoot, you try on clothes before you buy, you should try that out before you commit.
My my, me oh my…What is it with these fellas running to the bathroom in the midst of it? What a way to break a deal. I can’t imagine the confusion a woman experiences when that happens. These guys are buttermilk quality indeed.