“On the Green” Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae
Women are too complicated. I don’t know how lesbians be lesbians. I’d hate to come home to some woman who’s had a bitch of a day. She’s all moody and shit. Crying for whatever reason. Not talking to me ’cause of something I may or may not have done last year. Asking me if I think she’s fat. Wanting me to tell her I love her all the time. I’d be okay with her telling me she had a headache and couldn’t have sex though. I wouldn’t wanna touch no bitching woman no how. Might try to bite my nipple off. I wouldn’t too much wanna talk to her either. Shit! I couldn’t take it. I’d definitely have to rethink the whole lesbian thing.
Damn group therapy. Give me probably a few hours of gayness around some other gay chick and I’d be straight like a mofo after dealing with all the shit I just mentioned. And what about all that rearranging furniture and whatnot. I’d have to help her after working hard all day. “Oh, so you don’t wanna help me?” she’d go, with all that attitude laced in her voice. And ’cause I don’t wanna hear all her racket, I’d have to move shit from here to there. She’d have all these projects going I’d have to somehow be interested in and a part of. She’d definitely be accusing me of cheating on her with a guy and she’d be right. You know, with my luck, if was gay, I’d pick the wrong damn woman anyhow.
Same thing if I were a man. I’d have to try out the gay thing if I were a guy. It wouldn’t be something I’d be born with or however you end up being gay. It would be ’cause a woman drove me to it. All her whining. Turning me on and off like a damn light switch. “What the motherfuck?!” would be that perpetual thought in my head. I can imagine myself as a man and some woman looking down my damn throat as I’m snorning, talking about, “You sleep?” and me rolling over with her eyeballing me, saying, “I can’t sleep,” and me telling her, “That’s your damn problem.”
But nevermind me. I’ve been over here with women folk so damn long and I get tired of them sometimes. Shit, we get tired of each other, I guess. Though, on the for real, I couldn’t be a lesbian but if I were a guy, I’d be twirling batons in white cowboy boots.
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Oddly enough, there are a lot of guys who “go gay” because dealing with a woman is just too much work… but some of them find out that there are gay guys who make women look easy to manage – so trying to escape just might be futile!
I was reading a book by E. Lynn Dickey and the main gay character – a guy – reminded me of so many women I know and even got me to the point that, while I was reading, I just wanted to smack the shit out of him for being such a little, selfish whiny bitch!
I don’t know which would be worse – being cooped up with a bunch of women or a bunch of guys because, after a while, all that testosterone and dick-waving can get on one’s nerves. What’s interesting (at least to me) is that there are guys who don’t mind that a dude is gay… as long as he ain’t acting like a woman.
Go figure, huh?
No escape, huh…I think it’s equally bad or worse when men are whiners, especially when they’re supposed to be straight. That’s when I question whether they are. Testosterone or hormones…I suppose too much of either would be too much for anybody, looks like.
Having a teenaged daughter has got to be worse than a lesbian relationship, moody or not. I sympathize, though, with being tired of the company of women. On the other hand, there’s a whole lot of stuff that men just don’t get.
I imagine having a gay teenage daughter would be even more complicated. To me, anyway. Men can be rather aloof. Makes you wanna smack’em upside the head.
Belly-laughing on this one Totsy.
You just don’t know the trouble I’ve seen over here with these women folk.
If I were a guy, well I would be gay but it couldn’t be no fem woman. Indeed I would want a guy just like me. With you on this one. I like women, don’t get me wrong but my friends tend to be like me fairly low maintenance. Those that aren’t like me? Tend to be arms length friends or not friends for long. Go figure.
Yes, real feminine type women are too extra. Too needy but the feminist ones are too demanding. Always got something to gripe about. And I’ve seen it over here with the westerners. It always leads to problems. I think I’ll have to take your lead and keep some of these women folk at arm’s length too. It’s too much work otherwise.
Tots, you have described here exactly why I prefer to have guy friends (as pals and confidants) rather than more women I know! I AM blessed to have about 5 trustworthy and wonderful female friends over the span of my 65 years, however!
Yes, you’re very blessed to have those best buds. Treasure them…
I’ll “skip” commenting today.
Well, you “skip” right along, Mister.
I think I’d go stir crazy cooped up in a house full of people no matter what sex they were and I don’t think women have any corner on the market when it comes to moodiness. I’ve had to deal with some impossible men who shall remain nameless.
My husband, on the other hand, is a great guy, but he doesn’t know how to do girl talk. I can only imagine how lonely I’d be without my female friends. Most of the time we just relax and have fun, but I always know I can count on them to listen whenever I have a problem or just a bad day and it works because it’s a two-way street. I feel very lucky to have such wonderful women in my life.
It’s a stir-crazy kinda life, for sure. Like watching a poorly written comedy. I’ve actually found the Muslim women to be easier to be around. The westerners are a handful.
I don’t know, Totsy. Don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are male, but more of them are female and I appreciate how they value emotions. The times I really realize that I’m a straight male with all of that baggage are when I’m asked to go see a Jennifer Aniston movie — now THAT’S when I fall into a stereotype and head for the hills.
I suppose females are easier for men and vice versa. I’d head for the hills and the mountains if I were asked to see a Jennifer Aniston movie too. I still haven’t found what the big deal is.
Haaa, you really crack me up, Tots.
If I were a guy, I’d def by gay…and I’d want a really hot guy w/ six pack abs and lots of tattoos.
I lo0000ve women, but only as girlfriends to bitch about men with. Xxx Kiss
Yes, he’d definitely have to have a 6-pack. I’d go for The Rock. I’d go for him anyway.
Hilarious, and so, so true!
But we’re not “those” women.
I don’t see myself that way NOW…used to do it a LOT, though…sigh.
I would be a gay guy, too, but not because I was afraid of bitchy women, more like because I am in love with the peen. Girls are pretty and all that, but… men are FINE.
Ahem…Afraid of the ‘p’ word, are we?
Totsy, you are bold and sassy and always make me laugh! It’s time you flew that coop!
I don’t know why folk say the things they do. I’m gonna give myself a spanking tonight. Unfortunately.
Hilarious! Heterosexual women just need to have balance in their relationships. I’m all for sisterhood, but I can see how being forced to only be among women for extended periods of time, when you’re used to being among both men and women, can make you consider the possibility of being a man, or at least seeing things from his perspective, albeit a troubled one.
The Saudi women have a bond unlike any I’ve ever seen. Their support of one another is so refreshing. The westerners here, however, a completely different thing going on.
Ah…it’s the Westerners! I get the “If I Were a Guy…” thing now.
You gals are indeed hard to put up with. Can’t see how you’d wanna have sex with one of them either
I reckon we are quite a handful and some change. I agree with you. I don’t know how they wanna have sex with each other either.
Totsy, I love it! My grandfather once asked me if I knew why gay men have so much money….of course I did not know….he said…”they don’t chase women”…..
I have a lot of close “lesbian” friends. I love them like sisters. Actually I love them better than I love my sisters (who are a handful). Being with the same people day in day out would tire me of anybody.
(Nods right along with your talkin’) Mmhmm. Women are too hard to please so I believe I’ll stay with the kickstands of this world.