“Two as One” Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae
On Facebook, some of you know from there, I went to a wedding party last night. Sure did. It was equal to a reception, only no men folk were there. Another lady I work with was invited and she wanted me to come along, which was pure nice of her, don’t you think?Well, first off, we had to go after the last prayer, so the party started at 9:30 pm. You can’t be doing such things as partying, shopping or all them other whatnots during prayer. Anyhow, we had to get permission from a manager, who was male and he was all good with it. Now, the big Saudi boss didn’t know about this invite, so when we left the compound on the bus all dolled up, the cute Indian driver tells us to go to the back of the bus and sit low. He got to backing the bus up outta the gate and said, “That’s good” ’cause he couldn’t see us.
Well, we got to the party. We were inspected for cameras and whatnot ’cause the invite said ‘No Cameras.’ We took off our abayas, got real comfy, eating cakes and drinking juice at the table near the stage where women folk were dancing and turned out we were at the wrong wedding party. Ain’t that ’bout nothing? They wanted us to stay but the young woman who gave the invite to my villa mate said she’d send her brother to get us.
Folks, I only got a glimpse of the driver and I thought he looked mighty young. The young woman was in the car with him and we were told he was 13. I’m like, shit, he sure can handle this car. That’s what’s going on in my head, along with the fact that he can drive and no matter the age of a woman, she can’t.
Anyhow, he whipped us up in the right lot and it was real costumey, what they were wearing. We looked good, me and Villa Mate, but not costumey. Well, we sat watching the going ons and then time came to eat. We go in this big room with three aisles of food on carpet and on the carpet is where we sat and ate. It was kabsa, which is a rice dish with meat and a few veggies. The meat for this kabsa was camel. It was sitting all big in the center of the rice. But get this folks. We, the women and female younguns, were going in there to eat after the men, who’d already picked over the damn food. Now, we didn’t eat from plates. The young woman gave us big spoons and we dug in from there. You could tell folks had already been eating in there ’cause rice was on the carpet and the meat was picked over. It wasn’t warm or nothing. The only thing that was fresh were the beverages, which were sealed.
Now, I’m gonna tell you straight up. I didn’t wanna eat none of that food. I did take about three or four spoonfuls though ’cause it’s a real personal thing for the Saudis if you don’t. I can’t be over here forgetting my southern ways and being all rude like that. I got to thinking about what I used to be told. “Never go over folks house hungry,and I be damned if my ass wasn’t hungry. Though, I quickly lost my appetite when I saw that other folk had first pickings from the very same pot I would be eating from. It was more like a huge metal plate that sat about 12 inches from the floor, actually but you get my drift. In my family, women folk will cuss a man out if he got to digging around in the food before the children and women folk. Oh hell naw, we don’t play that.
Anyhow, we stayed about 2 hours ’cause we had to get on back to the compound. We didn’t see the bride and groom. Why, I couldn’t even tell you. Any of you folk ever had camel, by the way? I know I’m vegetarian and all but I ain’t hardcore about it. I figure, how many times I’ll get to eat camel anywhere, and in The Kingdom no less. It’s not something I go getting my tastebuds worked up for. My Villa Mate thought it tasted like lamb. I thought it had a beef/turkey-like taste and was kinda chewy myself.
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Beautiful art!
It seems a shame you had to leave the fun dancing wedding reception to go the the leftover food wedding reception when you didn’t get to see the bride and groom anyway.
Thank you.
Yeah, I thought that part of not seeing at least the bride was pretty odd. For men and women to be at the same party is hiram (against Allah). Even at the banks, women serve women and men serve men. Men seem quite awkward when a woman says something to them and women are supposed to really. I just forget sometimes. Like, if I say, “You can go ahead of me in line” which I did once, I could see the discomfort. Everybody’s normal is different, I guess.
This is so interesting, to see a new perspective, so different from our own!
Different indeed. And you know, maybe I could’ve eaten more food if it had been warm. It just looked like people had been playing around in it.
I loved this blog because of its revealing details about life in a place where women are not valued. I’m afraid I would get stoned the first day if I ever visited such a country. I fought hard in this country just to get equal pay for equal work. But at least I live where a lone old broad like me can travel anywhere she wants and feel safe.
Not valued at all. From what I can see, women do have an important role domestically. She chooses the wife for the son. In public, with husband, the woman is speaks very softly. Just something I’ve noticed.
Yes, you may get stoned. Better stay where the law works in your favor.
First painting of yours I have seen without orange and violet variations color. The blue gives it a futuristic look that would seem to originate 1920′s art in that genre. It’s what I see .
Yep. I don’t know what makes me gravitate to oranges and the like. I’ve notitced that myself and maybe it’s that I’m not trained in painting. I don’t know. I studied graphic design, actually.
My daughter and her middle of the east husband do put out a great big sheet thing on the living room floor and we all eat on pillows sitting on the floor. Of course, we eat at the same time and none of us wears abayas for these dinners. Actually, it’s kind of fun to do.
Women are very much in charge of their homes there. The ones who have a hard time are the daughter-in-laws of the middle of the east mothers. Those DIIL’s are usually treated like slaves.
That would be better and at least you know the folk you’re eating after. I may try this sitting in the floor thing myself once I get back home.
That painting is gorgeous! I love it!
Thank U.:-)
Wow…this is pretty cool, Totsymae. What a great new perspective you have from all your travels. I like lamb, but I’m not so sure about camel. I would think it would be tough as a tire. Keep it coming! So fun to read about your adventures.
And it was akin to eating a tire too. Thought I was chewing gum, I was gnawng for so long.
Glad you’re enjoying the experiences. It’s one unforgettabe stay, I know that.
I found it odd the first time I ever attended a formal Muslim party the way the med and women were separated. Then I though about how often that seems to happen naturally at most family events. I’m with you on the picked over food though. I love hearing about your adventures.
Very odd, indeed. I told my Villa Mate she could meet her a Saudi farmer there, since that’s what she wants to marry. No man was ever in sight.
Glad the adventures are amusing to you. I think the men here get to experience so much more, however.
I have the “mental” knowledge of how women are treated in other places, but you took us to the experience of it. Having to duck so that no one can see you? Wow. And I never thought about eating camel, either. Fascinating stuff!
The Saudi boss is a bit of a lunatic. Can only say so much being here in The Kingdom though. Know what I mean?
ah hell naw we don’t play that neither lol
hope you got a good meal later but I do appreciate the giggles and your ever stunning artwork, Tots
Thanks for the share, I once broke custom by eating first in a setting where it’s not usual. I’m still here, guess that says all, lol.
Thanks, Aurora.
Get your grub on then, Girlfriend. They shoudn’t take so long to take that first bite.
I hear camel can be a bit gamy! I wanna thank you for sharing your observations again.
It’s a pretty tough meat.
First, again love the art.
I guess I realized you were going to a wedding just didn’t think about what this meant. Could have told you. I have been in a similar situation, didn’t lose my manners but nearly lost my dinner. I am fastidious that way, can’t stand even my husband who I love to take food from my plate and I know where he has been, his hands his forks and everything.
You are learning a great deal and someday you will look back and nod your head, someday some woman will complain of how hard it is hear and you will shake your head and tell stories of The Kingdom. But today, maybe not so much.
Thank you.
Yep. Learning a great deal indeed. Right now, I shake my head at a few things. I’m sure I’ll nod later.
I love that you’re there bringing us all these delicacies and strangenesses, tots. Just like a big plate of its own, only not picked over. And yet my appetite is depressed too with details such as female bank tellers dealing with females, and males with males.
To me, the food looked ike scraps that were ready to be thrown out or given to the pet dog. A shame…
I am so amazed by all of this. Sure…I have read stories about the role of women in Middle Eastern countries but never heard first-hand accounts. I have to agree with Pat Bean, I would be in serious trouble.
The one thing that might keep me out of trouble is the fact, the party didn’t start til after 9:30. I applaud your willingness to blend in and try new things, I would have had a real problem eating after someone else AND absolutely I wouldn’t try camel. I,too am a person with vegetarian leanings. I eat some white meat chicken if it is presented nary a bone in-sight. Anything that looks like it was once an animal is “off the table” (figuratively) for me.
Seems everything is “off the table” there. (literally)
I just spoke with another Saudi woman a little while ago and she said she ate sheep, not camel ’cause it’s tough. I knew it wasn’t just me. Yep, I’m trying to blend as much as my western mind can without being converted to Islam and the effort happens quite a bit on their part.
This artwork is fabulous! Absolutely stunning! May I have it, please?
Be Blessed,
Patricia
Sure, you can have the piece. For a small price, of course. -)
I’m realizing how blessed I really am after being here.
Blessings to U.
NO! I want that painting. FABULOUS. Then I will have 2 of your pieces of brilliance in my home. Xxxxx
Sure, Kim.
Thank you. I am smiling now.
Dang it! I’m about a day and a half late! I LOVE that painting, too. That Inner Chick has a good eye!
I love the art. Now, after you ate the camel you have no excuse but to try my Russian cooking
Would love to sit and dine with you, Ariana. You must have some bumdiggety dishes going on in that kitchen.
Fascinating glimpse at another way of life. Oh yes, Totsy, we knew things were different there, but we don’t really know the logistics of how it’s different. Thank you for revealing this to us. It is so interesting and makes me grateful for what we have here, in the US.
You’re welcome. I wish we weren’t so restricted so that I could experience more. Strangely enough, the restrictions are a big part of the experience. I am definitely grateful for where I’m from. I am kissing the ground, literally, when I return.
Good art – crazy customs. especially as I suspect the cooking was done by women.
And not Saudi women either.
Thanks.
So this is one of the wedding parties you’ve mentioned. Sounds pretty cool actually. And you were right to eat the camel dish. You are now the friend I will quote as having eaten camel. I don’t anyone else who can own that!
Yep. Weddings are a real big deal here. It’s like going to the Oscars. They never wear the same thing more than once. The camel really wasn’t all bad. I could’ve stomached it better if I’d had first dibs at it.
Tots, nobody but you could have gotten me to laugh about such a chauvinistic style wedding “feast”. No wonder folks here have so much trouble with the “carelessness” of males from Muslim countries trying to run businesses and please customers in the United States–especially in the Deep South, right? Much insight you have given me here–and much to contemplate on dealing with a couple of Yemeni guys running a business in my town.
The guys I’ve met here from Yemen are quite nice. Maybe it’s ’cause I’m shopping in their stores. I don’t know. But yeah, it was a mess they left us to eat after.
Tots, I lived with a man who worked in Abu Dhabi – helicopter industry. He was there 2 months and would come home for 1 month. He said that if a car hit a woman, the fine was far less than if it hit a camel!
He also said he used to pray for clouds. The sameness became just a little much for a Canadian used to 4 very distinct seasons.
Nope, I ate donkey in Spain, but never camel – to my knowledge. The worst “foreign” meal I had was something pinkish and it was like chewing a Pinkie Erasure. Someone told me it was squid. Yuk! I realize it must have been cooked in a much different manner than our chefs would do. But I haven’t eaten it since!
Abu Dhabi is more progressive than this place. I’d go there if I had a chance. I keep asking where’s the rain. There are a few Canadians here. Seems a lot compared to other places. I’ll send you some camel if you forward your address. You don’t wanna miss this.
Glad you like the painting.
You’re having some fabulous experiences, Totsymae. A party that starts after 9:30? Yes! Weddings and things to do with weddings in other cultures fascinate me. I wouldn’t have been fascinated by camel or that I had to eat after them men picked over the food. I agree, that ptg is slamming!
Being here for the length of time that I’ve been helps me to see a little more than a visit. Also, there are other Muslim women here from other places, like Syria, Sudan, Jordan, etc. who educate me, in additon being in Saudi.
I wish I could’ve taken a photo to show you what we were left to eat. It was a downright shame.
My comments keep going back to what a wonderful, fascinating experience you’re having. Bizarre, but still fascinating.
Camel? And I thought the horse meat they tried to serve me at the Swiss Dept. of Motor Vehicles was strange!
Bizarre indeed. As a matter of fact, I saw a couple of camel on a pick up truck today and I asked the Sudanese lady who’s been here for two years what was the plan for those camel. She gestured a chop sign to her neck with her hand. Made me remember why I gave up meat in the first place and why I should again.
I’m a carnivore, but that would bother me too. Camels seem to have such personality. You don’t eat personality. Or critters with names.
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