I’m playing with an idea in my head about a writing project, folks. And it’s been bouncing around for a good while. Months. And months. But the other day, I got to thinking about the title of this post and that woman, Kathryn Stockett, who wrote The Help, came to my mind. I won’t get into the controversy of that book ’cause what I wanna focus on is that she wrote about situations and folks as she knew them. And you know she’s a divorced woman now. I don’t know if it was pending already but I have the book and it said she was married in the little bio. Well, if a divorce was pending, why say you’re married, right? I know it’s not my business but I’d like to know if her writing that book had anything to do with the divorce. I’m curious, that’s all. I know she pissed off a lotta folk in Mississippi. But let Kathryn tell it, she was writing about what she knew. And about who.
You know, Terry McMillan’s first ex-husband, not the one who came out the gay closet, took her to court for that book, Disappearing Acts. There was a movie on HBO about it. I bought the DVD and it was real decent to me. My way of saying it was good. Well, he didn’t get anything out of it. Just raised a buncha hell without profiting. Anyhow, you never know who’s gonna come out the woods and cut a fool on you when you come into a little cash. Then again, probably the same folk who’d been acting a periodic fool all along.
You ever think who’d go to acting ugly if you wrote about them? In my mind, you, as an artist, have the right to write about these folk without disguising who they are ’cause that’s who they are in your life. They oughta act right, especially if they know you’re aspiring to write professionally. Shit, if they weren’t cuttin’ up, you probably wouldn’t have nothing to write about. But. Do you want to alienate them? That’s the question.
In any case, I don’t think you should go off and do it with spiteful intentions. And what if there is no malice thinking on your part and what you say becomes the elephant in the room that everybody wants to take a whip to? Do you say no matter or write your truth with grace or grit, however your situations, or folks, have presented themselves? What do you think?
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
They are interesting questions you raise, Tots, ones I’m dealing with too. Like, if I write about someone without using their name and without any identifying features, is it still their story or is it mine or it is something like the world’s story, eg, like a fable or a fairy tale? I’ve been erring on the side of caution in running it past the people concerned but I know there may come a day when that’s not feasible. As for writing about people with names and all their warts n’ all, I would say “fine, provided you show them first”. Have I told you lately that no-one can use the word “fool” like you can?
I definitely would change the names. But you know, for folks who know you and know that you’re a writer, they will look for themselves. Kinda hard to disguise when it’s nonfiction. I don’t know about running anything past anybody myself. I tend to think it would be my story.
Maybe I have to add this new skillset on my resume of how I use the word fool.
Ran for office a few times mid 80′s. Newspaper printed so much negative hearsay about me. I would have to be 700 years old to have done just 1 % of all that was written. They twist things. I was arrested 7 times in my life and they said I have a criminal record. Was convicted only once so I have an arrest record not a criminal record. And that assault and battery where they said I hit that woman. Not true. I never hit her. Did kick her in the butt twice but never hit her. The press can never get their facts straight.
Kicked her in the butt??!! Twice?! HAAAHAAAA!!!
A little rough-housing…That’s real cute, Carl.
Every character I write comes from someone I know. I don’t think any of them are recognizeable in my stories because I never copy a whole person, just traits from this one and memories of that one. If I were writing memoir, it would be a more difficult situation. I’ll probably never write memoir, mostly because my life is only interesting to me (and to my mother), but also because the fear of offending someone would be a huge roadblock to my creativity. I’m a ninny that way.
Usually, I piece characters together too. True stories, yes, are another animal.
Write your truth with grace and wit.
Good advice.
Hmmmmmm….having a think about your question(s)….
That elephant? Keeps getting in the way…..
I think most writers come to this fork in the road. The more I think about it, how authentic can a story be when a character is distorted, however good or bad.
Interesting. I take huge care to not use names or descriptions of people if I’m writing something funny about them. Still, most of the time, I’m not trying to be hurtful. I don’t really know the answer to this one, but you posed a very well thought out question.
Yes, deliberation and care are needed in this case.
Anne Lamott said the following, “Own everything that happens to you, tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”
For many years I protected people that did not deserve my protection. Now, well I have determined I will no longer do so. I will tell my stories, whether it puts me in a not so flattering light or it puts others into a less than pleasant light. At the end of the day they are my stories, the things I know. I don’t use names, not even my own. But if people who know me in my real life read what I write and recognize themselves, feel uncomfortable or offended….tough.
Nice quote. I think it depends on the treatment of the words and the writing style and even then, the writer can’t be protective enough.
I think the person we are protecting is ourself..
What you mean, Jodi?
I don’t think I’ve ever written about somebody 100% without disguising the name and a few other characteristics – but even so, that’s only MY impression of him of her. Somebody else would have a way different one. Something can be MY truth, without it being YOUR truth, and we can both be right.
Re: The Help. I had a lot of problems with that book, the stereotyping, the holes in some of the storylines, some of the writing. However, I also disagree with those who bagged on Stockett for writing her own view/vision of white people interacting with black people. Sure it’s unfair that THIS book became a best-seller (and a movie) when books by black authors about the same subject have not (yet) – but then, why did 50 Shades of Grey explode when other BDSM erotica books that were much better written did not? Sometimes, books just take off, for no rhyme or reason.
I think everybody should write the story s/he wants to tell, the way s/he wants to tell it. And if you, as an author, put it in my way somehow to read a piece of it and I like your writing, I will buy it. I will totally buy YOURS, TotsyMae.
Ahh, you make me smile, Beverly.
As for The Help, there can be people experiencing the same thing but have different perspectives on it. Everyone will come away with a different feeling. As you know, writing is a tough business and we open ourselves to criticism once something is out there. The popularity of the book, its reception; makes me think about race relations a little deeper. Why this topic garnered the reviews as it did. But it was her truth, I suppose.
I write nonfiction – so they just have to get over themselves! lol
Be gentle, if you can.
–We must write our “TRUTH”, but if our intention is to be cruel or mean, the true essence of what we are trying to convey will be lost….But I do believe in writing with authenticity… w/ a message attached,which can, somehow, change the world! Xxx
Good direction.
You pose a great question, Totsy. When I started working on my story, one of my brothers said, “I don’t want to be in your book.” But how can I write about my family and exclude him? I’m still working on that one.
Hmmm…Tough spot. Maybe you can make his role minor. I don’t know what rights he has or doesn’t have in the writing process. Seems unfair to you and him too, I guess.
I’m with the Annie LaMott quote. She’s a total delight. The only thing I’d hate about someone coming after me? All the time and trouble of having to defend myself. Yuk!
Now, what will you have to defend? Inquiring minds wanna know.
That’s the point, Tots. As long as the motive and intent is good, nothing. I don’t know how famous or infamous people deal with always being “hit on” when their focus has been on something entirely different.
There’s a good reason for no spotlight. We’re free, Tots!
You’re free. I’m in Saudi Arabia.
I agree with Inner Chick, I just write my truth but I try to not at the expense of others.
I agree but you know, even if the intention isn’t to hurt someone, it may.
“They oughta act right, especially if they know you’re aspiring to write professionally…”
Love that line, in fact – there are always so many lines in what you write that I always like.
You have a very melodic way of writing – keep it up!
Thanks, Mark.
I say write the truth as it’s inspired! Let the story unfold. You can always edit/tweak and/or recast characters afterward. Happy writing!
You’re right. The story will lead you for sure.
“In my mind, you, as an artist, have the right to write about these folk without disguising who they are ’cause that’s who they are in your life.”
Here. Here. Thanks Totsymae. I’ma tell you, there are too many elephants in every room I roll in. I just love your writing style so much.
Thank you, Paz. I can see me now slipping on thin ice now,
To my mind, I think it depends on the venue. In my blog, which is generally meant to be humorous, I don’t name bad guys. (Well except for politicians and jerks.) But then you have to be careful of the characters you put into a Sit Com.
For a book? A Novel? Well, then I expect you try to mix stuff up to the extent you can. And lie. “Was that bitch me?” “Of course not.” Works for me.
Works for me too,
Interesting question. It’s a pretty vague line to walk at times, but I guess if you are going to do it, as you said, do it with sensitivity and tact, not spiteful intentions. I suppose you should also question whether the full facts are necessarily important to the story. It’s a tricky one all the same!
Vague indeed. I think such a story may be better executed when there’s objectivity. When we can see our own faults and blemishes just as clearly as someone else’s.
I think that’s why family and friends discourage us from becoming writers. They are scared to death we’ll write about ‘what we know’. And in my corner of the world, they would be right to be frightened.
Yep. Something to think about if one’s been actin’ a hot mess.
I think what you said in an earlier comment about people who know you are a writer will look anyway is absolutely true..
Your first point about the married/divorced status on the back of the book. I suppose it could be a matter of timing rather than calculation. And picking your moment to tell the world probably comes further down the list than breaking the news to other people closer to you. But i don’t know the specifics of this person.
Well, I’m sure she may find some other husband in the publishing or movie industry now. Lucky…