“Beach Babe” Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae
Do you feel as if you know me? Like, do you think “Is that damn Totsy for real”? or do you say something like, “I know exactly what Totsy means,” and give yourself a high five?
I really don’t have to deliberate on what I wanna say or not but you know, early in my blogging days, I saw this woman on her blog in her panties and bra in her bathroom. Not a big deal when you think, oh it’s like wearing a less fancy bathing suit, but well, she was in her panties and bra. She didn’t have a job though. She was a stay-at-home mom who was talking about, in that particular post, accepting her body. It was a skinny body, just so you know, and not the best shaped one, in my opinion. And I guess once you do something like that, folk can say whatever they want pertaining to it. I didn’t say nothing though. She seemed to have a lotta support and comments, so I moved on to some other blog ’cause I didn’t like looking at her body and well, I decided to keep my mouth shut.
Anyhow, I know you folk been asking why I’m in the middle of the east and all and it’s no big deal but I don’t wanna say right now. I don’t think why I’m here is more important than me sharing with you the experiences I’m getting, so try to remember that, if you will. In my mind, I’m here for a lotta reasons, so I can’t pin it down to one specifically. I do have another secret though, and it happened this morning. It surprised the shit outta me and I don’t get surprised by too much. Maybe I’m just bland that way. Or maybe I saw it and chose to ignore it, the way folk do and here I am, in my mind, going, “OMG! OMG! OMG!” It’s not a huge deal really but I haven’t decided if I wanna say something about it yet. In this case, I’m feeling indecisive and that’s not good, I don’t reckon.
So now, you’re like, “Totsy, why’re you even posting this to tell us nothing?” Well, I wanted to see how you felt about the mostly naked woman, I guess. I won’t be presenting you with my nakedness but on a blog, I think, metaphorically, we do get naked. My secret? I’m kinda embarrassed to tell you, to be honest. You know, I’m shy and whatnot. (wink, wink)
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Well let’s hope it wasn’t an old bra and panties set. And they matched. At least she liked herself which is one step to me payin’ attention to someone. I can’t hardly take the ones that are all woe-be-me.
No, I don’t like the woe blogs either. Life’s hard enough without reading about somebody else’s hard times.
I suspect if you posted in a bra and panties you might get kicked out of the country. The hard part for us is that you tell us you’re keeping something from us. Inherently we know this isn’t a “tell all” blog. We understand that you’re away and can’t really say why. But when you say I’ve got something to say but I’m not sure I want to share you are one big tease! About the other woman. I suspect when her kids are grown enough that she’s looking for work again it will come back to haunt her. Nothing on the internet really ever goes away.
No, I won’t be posting that way and no, it’s not a tell-all blog ’cause i think my life’s rather boring. I guess I’ll become more imaginative with so little to do here and I’ll say that’s a good thing. One big tease, huh? Well, I’ve been called worse.
There is a girl I really like on line. She does the “bikini shots” of herself when she’s in body building competitions. Girl is in her 40′s and has worked very hard to be a female body builder. I don’t think she’s being sexy, but I think she is showing her hard work. Okay, I have no problem with that really. These aren’t “glamor” shots at all.
People also get into the realm of “TMI” and I doubt the wisdom of some of that. If you have a cheating husband, kids on drugs, an abusive spouse, this is not the forum for it. It sometimes makes me wonder what on earth these people think when they hit “publish”.
Still and all, I guess everybody is different. If I slept with somebody in 1982 and he wasn’t my husband, (cause I don’t think I had a husband in 1982), I really don’t mind sharing it if it’s “interesting, funny, peculiar”, or all three! We build up a little blog “persona” and it may be very close to our real selves, but it may not be. I think I’m a little brash on line, but in real life, I’m fairly quiet, shy, and something of an introvert.
On line to me, Totsy, you are a brilliant, talented, and funny woman. You follow the thing I’ve thought all my life. In life and in bed, always leave a little something on, to whet the imagination. Know what I mean?
Body building is different to me. Her body is her art. I could use some tips from her, by the way. Not that I wanna be bulked up that way, unless it’s on my rear end. I revealed who I was in my little bio. I do have my quiet moments, shy and then very talkative and silly moments. I think I’m reflective though, probably a lot more now than ever. And yeah, I know what you mean.
Linda,
I know the chick who body builds. She rocks A LOT…. and I’m VERY envious of her body. Xxx Haaa
Totsymae, at first, I thought you were joking about the Middle of the East trip, then I realized it was a for real thing. I’m curious but I respect that you don’t want to say. You know, I’ve been struggling a lot lately with how much I’ve revealed. The nakedness feels good, as in the breeze and Sun can touch you in a way you can’t covered up, but then the eyes are looming and that’s scary for me. It’s such an ambivalent feeling, like I need to step back and rethinkg things for a while.
Overall, I think I’m glad I started blogging though. I mean, weighing it all out, I think the perks and pros outweigh the cons.
Oh and in one of the mental health blogs I’m involved with, one of the bloggers wrote about personality types and introversion. She’d read this book about it and she quoted something I found really interesting. It was basically that in a study, you know studies and how they go, introverts tended to reveal more online in forums and blogs and such. I laughed because I saw myself in that.
No, I’m in the middle of the east for real.
I don’t remember how I came to find your blog but I find your candor refreshing. You have a fluid writing style and the sheer honesty, well, what can I say…I’ll try to comment more in the coming days since I’ll have a lotta time on my hands. That is, if the internet’s not running as slow as it has been today.
Totsymae, there are days when we strip ourselves emotionally bare, or at least we seem that we have. Others come and say, ‘oh look she is nekid, I don’t think I can stand it’.
Then there are other days when we grab our closet doors and we slam them shut, holding tightly and kicking skeletons past, present and future demanding they dance into the corners we have chosen for them, ‘stay there we say in whispered voices, stay there and dance by yourself no light shall shine on you today.’
Your revelations, they are yours. How much, how little and the timing. It is yours and yours alone. That you bless us with those parts of yourself you choose to share, I am grateful and will never demand more than what you are willing. Hopefully no one else will either.
As for underwear shots, I wish others would stop that as I am with you no matter how much we should love and accept our bodies; few truly want to see others in their underwear. As one of my favorite social commentators says, “Stop it, B!” (Felonious Monk)
Totsy, even when you’ve got nothing to say you make me chuckle
HA! Is that so?!
Maybe I’m not so bad at rambling or small talk after all.
I want to KNOW, cuz I’m nosy as hell, Tots!!!
Yes, I sometimes feel as if I’m standing in my panties and bra when I write!
That’s just how I rolllll.
Xxxx Smooooch.
Hehehee!
In that case, my dear Kim, I may reveal the other secret.
And you write with such great spirit and emotion, we like you standing in your panties and bra. Keep rolling like that.
Nice and funny topic. I enjoyed reading it. But what are you doing in the middle of the east???!! Just kidding. But I can’t wait to know. It’s like when you start a movie, you want to know the end.
“Beach Babe” is awesome!!
You’re over in beautiful Paris, or somewhere close, and you wanna know why I’m in this place. You’ve got far more exciting stuff to tell than I from over here. I’ve been to your neck of the woods a couple times, by the way. It was like driving through a history book. Marvelous!
I’m from the South, Totsy. French Riviera. I can’t complain.
You make such an enjoyable post out of what you’re not saying. How’d you do that?
I think disclosures online depend on the intention behind them, and sometimes our intention is hidden from us. It seems a lot of people are looking for approval, for someone to tell them they’re OK or good, because they themselves think they are bad or wrong in some way. And they can get this approval in a limited way or time, but it doesn’t carry the day. It just scratches the itch.
Well, I feel like you knew your intentions with blogging. Me? I just needed a release. Never knew I’d ended up saying all the stuff I’ve said. And yep, it has scratched the itch.
Sorry, tots, I wasn’t clear. There are intentions about blogging, and intentions about disclosing. I was talking about the latter and thinking about the woman you mention in her undies and also about Demi Moore taking pics of herself in her bikini for Twitter. I think both of them feel there’s something bad or wrong about themselves, and are driven to try to get some love and approval to fill up the hole inside. It makes me feel sad for them, and also for myself in the times I’ve been there too (thankfully I didn’t strip for the internet … at least, not that I can remember …)
I think you should reveal as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. The only thing that bothers me is when the troubles of children end up in the blogs of their parents. I wonder what they’ll think when they realize that they have been stripped bare (metaphorically) in public (internet). As for the reason you are there, you may as well know we are all (me) making stuff up. Today I am leaning more towards the likelihood that you are painting nude portraits of a sheik and his harem. That’s probably what shocked you! LOL!
I like the sound of why I’m here from your perspective. Must now go and find a harem to join up with. Strictly as a painter, that is.
Ooh, Miss Totsy, I think you’re being coy with us, and really, you’re dying to tell us whatever it is that happened, but maybe it’s a little embarrassing? Though I can’t imagine, you being embarrassed by anything. Well, it’s up to you whether you want to tell us. I sometimes feel the same way. Like I just started a series on my childhood, but there are somethings about it I’m not sure I want to tell, and I think you know what I mean. Until next time, Totsy!
I may tell the secret after all. And while it’s not a big to-do, I am embarrassed but I”ll get over myself and share anyway. I’ve thought to share some things about my childhood as well but I’m most comfortable sharing the embarrassing parts, not the painful.
Totsymae you even make saying nothing interesting to read!! but once whatever it is is out here it cannot be taken back.. so if your gut feeling is not to share then don’t..
HA! Is that so?
I imagine it to be a scary thing to have to backtrack.
We all reveal ourselves in one way or another. For your bra and panties blogger, her concept of reveal was a pictorial. For you, it is your art. For me, it is words…hundreds of thousands of words. We are wrapped in the invisibility cloak of Internet which allows us to escape the drudgery long enough to discover what it was we needed to reveal, unburden, unleash, gift…to the rest of the blogosphere.
Take care of yourself, so you can come back to my backyard, and we can go for a cuppa.
{HUGZ}
Red.
Yes, indeed. We are invisible but exposed in some way.
Would love to have a cuppa with ya. Keep the pot warm.
I’m all for naked women. Great painting btw.
I’m not surprised at all.
Thank you.
The half-naked woman? hmmm…sometimes, folks really need validation from a bunch of anonymous folk, so I’m not entirely surprised. Not my route, but I understand that the world of blogging fosters a sense of a safe-space/ community that other forums may not.
I guess people take risks on blogs and social networks that they wouldn’t take outside of the cyber world, which can work for or against us, as you say. It really is a safe place one can speak up and out with whatever with anonymity and garner a following of supporters or anti-supporters, depending on which the blogger is going for.
I happen to like naked women (since you asked)… Let’s see… how much to reveal when blogging… depends on how one feels about such things and what things they wish to convey. Like, with much of the stuff I write, I can’t write it without putting myself into it so I reveal a lot about myself and without any shame – I’m now ‘too old’ to be ashamed of myself. Plus, by revealing so much of myself, I avoid those “How do you know?” questions because, duh, I’m telling you I’ve been there, done that, got T-shirts.
Does it bother me? Nope, not at all – why should it? If nothing else – and for better or worse – you get to know the man behind the words and, to me, that’s good eats.
I don’t perceive inhibition as part of your nature, KDaddy.
Nah, I don’t do inhibited and, at some point, one can see the folly in this; then you spend lots of time thinking about all you didn’t do or say as opposed to what you’ve said and done.
Hell, I’d even tell everyone what size underwear I wear if it would get my point across…
I totally agree with your reaction to that nearly-naked, stay-at-home mom baring all on her blog. I respect you so much for taking time to be sure of what you want to share with us. We love you, no matter what!
Thank you and much love back atcha.
Hey, maybe if I get my Madonna look going, I might show a peep. You know, it ain’t worth all the work in the gym if you can’t show it off a little bit.
For the record, Totsy, I think I know you very well~ (Wicked laugh!) Seriously though, I like the persona you’ve created. I’m sure parts of it will be close to who you are.
Incidentally, a photog friend took a nude of me once but I made sure my face wasn’t in full view. Even people who knew what my body looked like couldn’t tell it was me. If I ever think of posting a personal photo on my blog, I’d definitely block out my face. I’m not that courageous to show my face.
Nude photo, huh…Well, if you ever put it on your blog with no face, we’ll know who it is.
Totsy, I can’t visit you. It takes me forever to read the conversation here!
You know what you’re doing, and it tickles me. Waiting at the airport? It must be some kind of boring in the M.E. if you’re hanging at the airport! I laughed, actually laughed, when I read that. You always make me smile. If that’s you under the umbrella, how about let’s just keep her under wraps. Do you sell original art? Harem girls would be fine subjects.
It really is that kinda boring. Keep laughing ’cause it really is that bad. Glad you got your thrill today though. I’m trying to beat this heat. Yes, some originals are on my site .
Crap! I’m getting a “No plug-in available to display this” when I try to view your paintings! I just got a new box and Ray copied everything to it. Apparently, I’m missing some plug-in, but I have no idea what! I wonder which one is required since I haven’t seen this notice before??
I thought the plug-in was for the music only. Strange. I may have to change that, if viewing the paintings is a problem.
I’m curious about the things you leave out, but I’m patient, too. I hope one day you’ll be able to share more, but if not, that won’t bother me. I’m very interested in your daily life right now, boring or not, so I’m happy to keep on reading to see how much (or how little) you can reveal. I guess your blog is wearing an abaya, too.
I think I must bridle my tongue to some degree while here. A lot to learn still though.
This is a question I consistently ask myself, Totsy. How much is too much? No matter the volume or seeming enthusiasm of blog-friends (which usually turns out to be fans) there are just some parts of one’s life that should remain private; no ands, if, or butts about it — pun intended.
Some people use their blog as a laundry line, though, and it always surprises me how many “supporters” flock to bolster and praise that sort of sordid behavior. It’s sad; brokenness attracts broken people who wish to remain broken. Like yourself, I would prefer not to see any bums– nicely shaped or not — and use the little time I have on here to be inspired by those sharing their gifts and their stories, saving the heart-to-hearts for someone safe.
Hope you’re doing well over there, Ms. Secretive.
Well put.
Yep. A little secretive but I really do reveal a lot.