Good day to you, folks. I’m downright excited over today’s lesson. As we’re in an upside down economy, I know you wanna save whatever dollars you can for essential needs and I aim to help you do just that. By reading the brief dialog below, you may be able to discern what you’ll be saving them dollars on too. Ready? Here we go:
Janey: Iont spect we’ll be seeing Pa at the hise none today.
Rick: Why in tarnation you reckon that?
Janey: (Folds her arms and shifts weight to one leg) Smelt him like a burning far at the bar last night. He’s all lickered up, is why.
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Quick Breakdown:
Iont = I don’t (long ‘o’ sound)
hise = house (like house, the ‘e’ is silent in hise)
tarnation = the hell, the fuck, the devil
spect = expect
reckon = suspect, assume
smelt = smelled
far = fire
lickered up = drunk as hell, drunk as shit
Can you good folk guess what recipe you’ll be given today? Yep. Good ole Moonshine.
Now, I’m gonna tell y’all that I tasted some of this Moonshine as a girl. I did. My grandmother, as I can recall, kept it in a plastic milk jug and it was made at the hise. Somebody had to be letting me sip on theirs and I’m telling you, that’s some potent stuff! Some African American folk, back in the day, sold it illegally to support their families but I don’t recall no such exchanges taking place back then at our place. Probably would’ve been a good idea, being that there were nine children my Grandmama had. Well, there was one other child she had that didn’t make it past a few days old, so that made nine of them to be raised to grown folk.
For the longest time, I thought it was Pot Licker in that jug but that’s the juice in collard greens. I had it all mixed up, didn’t I? Anyhow, since we’re the Peach State, I’m gonna give y’all this recipe with peaches. Should you churn up some of this Moonshine, let me know how you make out with it. And oh, here is your flashcard for Lesson 3. Cheers, folks.
Google Image
WATERMELON-PEACH MOONSHINE BRANDY for five gallons
1 1/4 large watermelon
10 peaches
1 1/4 cup chopped golden raisins
15 limes (juice only)
25 cups sugar
water to make 5 gallon
wine or distillers yeast
Extract the juice from watermelon and peaches, saving pulp. Boil pulp in five quarts of water for 1/2 hour then strain and add water to extracted juice. Allow to cool to lukewarm then add water to make five gallons total and all other ingredients except yeast to primary fermentation vessel. Cover well with cloth and add yeast after 24 hours. Stir daily for 1 week and strain off raisins. Fit fermentation trap, and set aside for 4 weeks.
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Some Southern Lessons from “Totsymae”
Thanks. ‘Preciate ya.
Perfect!
Good student.
Five Gallons of Brandy? I’m guessing your recent visit to the land where no alcohol can be consumed has given you a hankering for some… Oh, and who’s got the Still where we can further refine that Brandy into some Shine?
I’ll need to go back and take in lessons one and two about speaking Southern ma’am. I’m a bit behind other folks here and have some catching up to do. Will there be a final exam when we’re done?
Actually, what they make over here is this thing called joy juice. Same stuff, different name. I’m not a drinker but I’ve seen a little of the process. At the most, you’ll see about 3 or so gallons made at once.
Yes, your exam will be comprehensive and self-serving on my part. Write whatever president we have in a year’s time and tell him I need special favors, which I’ll expound on when my list is finished.
The revenoors are gonna git ye (Feds)
I’ll tell them I know Carl and get off scott free.
Carl, if I know Totsy, she’s got a bunch of lookouts on the payroll and ready to relay info to shut the operation down so they can all hightail it outta there before any of them revenoors show up.
I reckon I ain’t makin or drinkin none of that shine. I hear tell it can make you go blind and crazy too. Good lesson though.
Well, you’re about the brightest bulb on the Xmas tree. A big smiley face for you.
You are doing a superb education job here, Totsy. And, it’s funny too!
Thank you, George. I never thought I’d be given foreign language lessons. This is something I’m definitely adding to my resume.
Ha Ha! “Foreign language”! I guess depending on where a person grew up, it is. I’m half expecting you to have a little fun spoofing your students. Nah… not Tots..
Actually, I don’t get the house one either. Maybe I’m not reading it right.
That recipe looks a lot better than a friend and co-worker used to make wine from some of my wild plums one year! In my own childhood, it was my great-granmother who kept the jug of elderberry wine under the head of her bed. She sipped on a single, tiny demitasse cupful every evening while reading her Bible, “for my health”, she told us in very genteel tones. She must have been doing something right, for she passed quite peacefully in her own bed at the age of 102! And did you know up until about 1998, there were two very proper little ol’ ladies who lived across the alley in Macon,GA from the back of the Federal Courthouse and sold their “recipe” by the glassful at lunch every day to the folks from the courthouse (yes, and judges sent for some, as well!) P.S. I needed no translation for your lesson #3 here today!
Looks like you’re further along than the rest of the class.
I reckon those judges couldn’t've made such important decisions without
being lickered up and all.
I spect I’ll be using these soon
Well, I reckon this lesson came right on time fer ya.
you betchya
Oh, yum. Moonshine is so good anyway. And I love the idea of peach-watermelon. Now, you have done it. I was going to make some coffee liqueur next month. Now, I need to be stocking up on peaches, too. Hopefully, the crop of watermelons will be better next month…the ones from this month were outright bland.
Take good care of yourself, Tots <3
Red.
Let me know how you make out with that moonshine.
Yes, I am taking care. You do the same and as always,
I ‘preciate ya.
Y’all speak a funny brand of English down there in the South. Good thing I watch a lot of Paula Deen on the Food channel.
Did you see Paula that time her pants fell down? Must’ve had some bad elastic ’round her something or another.
Love these lessons!!!! So hilarious.
Would like to hear that French accent with your new language.