Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2011 Totsymae
If somebody told you, “Folk, when you ’round that corner in your office on Monday morning, somebody’s gonna bop you upside the head,” you’d go off in another direction, wouldn’t you? Folks, I wish something or somebody had told me I’d be losing my key to my little villa today.
Now, I came on in the place and looked real good in my purse and laptop bag. No key. I then went on to have me some dinner, which I typically eat around 4:00 but I had a meeting at that time, so I got my grub on around 3:35, right? It was good and all. I’d found me a way to make a nice little veggie sandwich, or sammich to folk taking my Speaking Southern 101 class.
Okay. I went on to the meeting, which lasted a good two hours, ’cause wasn’t nobody but women folk there, except the guy who called the meeting, so you know there was some unnecessary yacking and gripes in there to cause the meeting to drag on as such, right? I mean, damn. It’s like Friday ’cause Thursday and Friday is the weekend over here.
So, we get out of the meeting and I met the fella who manages the little place. When he gets to twisting on the door handle and it won’t open, he goes, “Problem.” I’m thinking, “No fucking kidding, Sherlock.” Let me just tell you, over here, there ain’t no hurry to get jack done. I already know this but also, I see there’s no back-up plan for folk locked outta the villa. You just shit outta luck. His ass left and to this very second, ain’t gave me a follow-up to what’s gonna happen with getting me in the room.
Okay. I start plotting how to get into the room myself, of course. I got to unscrewing every screw I could with a butter knife and you know how badly that can go if you got that cross-like shape on the screw. Damn tip of the knife got to twisting up. I took a rock and beat on the window and the damn thing wouldn’t break. Then, I go back inside the villa and got to unscrewing everything on the doorknob. That didn’t work either, folks.
You know what came next, right? Oh, hell yeah. I became superwoman who’d, apparently, lost her superpowers. My dumb ass gonna go back into the living room for a running start so I could bust the damn door down. Not only did the door not budge a speck but I be damned if it didn’t feel like somebody had bopped me on the head once my shoulder hit that door. Evidently, I wanted to get in that room real bad, right? I give myself another running start two more times and got the same results. Head justa ringing and shit. That was the sign for me to go sit my ass on the sofa to do some thinking on how to get inside that room sensibly, which is where I’m sitting now.
Anyhow, there ended up being some extra keys laying around, which I had to turn this way and that in the lock ’cause I’d already taken the door handle off and tried to bang the lock off with it. I’m telling you folks, that was more work than what I’ve done at work the whole time I’ve been here. When I got in the room, I just dived on the bed and hugged it.
Will this count as my exercise today or will I have to double up tomorrow?
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Definitely counts as exercise. You now need ice cream recuperation time.
If only I could eat ice cream. Just the mention of it makes me start missing sorbet. Haven’t lucked on any of that here.
ditto
Good things should always happen to good folks, like you and myself.
In fact, I think you should excuse yourself tomorrow as well.
I did walk this morning but not at the same brisk pace. My mouth was running pretty good though with my walking buddy.
I admire your resourcefulness!! You had to try SOMETHING! Glad you got to your bed. Whew!
I really did have to try. The day has turned into Thursday and this guy hasn’t checked up on my situation still. I pray that will be my last dire situation over here.
OMG, Totsy. That’s a sign. A sign telling you it’s time to come home!
OMG is about right too. These folk ain’t all that bright over here and here I am in the midst. I hope it’s not catching or I will have to seriously consider some other options.
Hahahaha, I’m laughing my head off over here. I’d be crying in my pillow from relief!
BTW, you sure you’re not in Jamaica? When I read this part, “over here, there ain’t no hurry to get jack done.” I can relate, Totsy. I can relate. Sounds like you got the food part and the door handled. Good for you, Superwoman. Your powers needed to adjust to the heat — it is hot there now, right?
Girrrrllll, I woke up this morning and that shoulder was a bit sore. Feels better but I have to say, I was laughing at my own self this morning.
It’s getting hotter by the day. Mornings and evenings are still a bit cool. The heat can dry clothes on the line in 20 minutes or less.
I’m guessing you don’t come from a long line of cat-burglars in your family…
That would’ve been a nice skill to have last night. This operation is certainly cat burglar proof.
Totsy, I left a comment on this yesterday. I don’t know where it went. Now, I just want you back home. Somebody probably stole you key to go get your stuff. Or to come in and “get” you. It’s cool here today. Drop by on your way home.
And they make it look so effortless in the movies…
At least you are laughing at yourself today! And, I vote that you got enough exercise yesterday … hoping today and the weekend are kinder to you!
Tots, I was laughing at you so hard banging your head on that door that I nearly spilled my own keys out of my pocket! Taking off door knobs is never adviseable, since they started making locks on doors that would not open with a skeleton key! Your description of the landlord/property manager sounds just like so many of the stories my parents told of their times living and working in the Middle East. ” Manyana” looks like getting in a hurry compared to those folks there where you are now!