Welcome to class, good folk. I hope you’ve put in the necessary time to learning the vocabulary from our last lesson in Speaking Southern 101. I’ll tell you straight up and down (placing my hand on my hip), I ain’t got time to be wasting on folk who ain’t trying to learn nothing. If you missed the first lesson, I advise you to go back to Lesson 1 to get abreast of what you should know ’cause we’re gonna move on.
Understand that there are different dialects used in the south and some are mixed. Today, I’m mixing. I want you to look at the following sentence and tell me if you know what it means:
(The Jeopardy theme music starts)
“Brang me that pichur hung long side that wender over yonder by the wars.”
Does anybody out there have the faintest idea what I just said? Now, I ain’t no expert on all southern dialect. Some of it will grind on your last nerve, believe me, but that’s all a part of learning a new language. Am I right or wrong?
Know that speaking Southern is no measure of intelligence. I need to point that out clearly but yes, like any other cultures, some folk are more simplistic in their ways of thinking than others. Do recall the origin of Daisy Dukes that are now popularly worn in music videos. That little piece of fabric has origins from a southern TV show called The Dukes of Hazzard. Now, Daisy Mae Duke was the cousin of Bo and Luke, who worked them jean shorts like nobody’s business. Folk now, pay a good penny to resemble Daisy’s southern fineness. We also birthed the U.S. Supreme Court Judge, the Honorable Clarence Thomas, who felt up a woman by the name of Anita Hill in the workplace, and so eloquently convinced a wise group of senators that Anita was simply a hater and trying to throw a brick in his path to the highest court in the nation. Do not judge all southerners by Herman Cain and his 999 Plan. Do any of y’all even remember him?
Anyhow, I’m gonna break that sentence down fer/fuh y’all. Please, reflect on the bold type and take notes, folks. Now, here’s a breakdown of the above sentence:
“Bring me that picture hanging along the side of that window, over there by the wires.”
We could eliminate ‘over there’ altogether ’cause based on what we hear, it’s understood the picture is not within reach, so over there or yonder ain’t necessary unless you’re referencing a specific picture in a specified location in the room.
Is the light bulb flashing for you, folks? Thought you were so smart, didn’t you?
Here’s another flashcard fer/fuh you to ponder and we’ll resume our next lesson once I finish scratching my head to figure it out. (Whew!)
The Man with the 999 Plan. Herman "Pimp Daddy" Cain
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Reading southern is still a problem. I didn’t get the initial sentence until I said it out loud with the appropriate twang. larning aint easy, but sho’nuff fun.
Hang in there, Lisa. This one even wore me out.
I think you save all these lessens posts in a big car bo bah for a readin book some day down ‘long the line.
You reckon?
It scars me somthin’ fearful that I new zactly what that ferst sentence wuz.
I think you gonna become my teaching assistant.
I was completely lost until you translated for me. Clearly, I need some remedial lessons. I promise that I studied Lesson Number One but I guess it didn’t stick.
Better study, Shary. You don’t wanna have to retake a Southern class.
Pimp-daddy Cain. What an embarrassment to black folk. Us white folk had to endure eight years of George Bush (talk about making Caucasians look foolish). But on the positive side Dumb Turd-ness crosses all racial and socio-economic boundaries and is a universal quality. Is that a good thing ?
You’re right on all points. I don’t know about it being a good thing that Dumb-Turdness is a cross-cultural thing but I suppose it wouldn’t be fair for one group to get hit hard with so many. I hope the numbers are spread out pretty evenly.
I did understand. You see, I’ve been studying Southern for quite some time. I’m getting ready for a Kentucky Derby Party this Saturday and I need to have my dialect perfected.
You enjoy that derby and twisting up your words to that southern drawl. You might end up teaching folk up your way how it’s done.
Oh, I’ll leave that up to you!
Since ESL is for me, I require a private lessons from you. When can we start?!
I’ve got paperwork for you to fill out but know that I don’t do summers. It’s way too hot.
Miss Totsy, you are the best damned Southern speaker I know!
Why, thank you. Maybe I can get a good government job now.
Tots,
It’s like an entire new Hillbilly language!! Xxxx
It takes skills to do this stuff. (wink, wink
)
“Some of it will grind on your last nerve” … haha. You really do have a way about you that I adore.
Thank you. You really are solid gold.
After reading dis…I wants me a cold drank, that’s New Orleans speak for a coke or the carbonated beverage of yo’ choice. Great writing as usual Totsy…
I like the way those folk in New Orleans talk with that syrupy French twist to their southerness. Thank you and be good down there in Orlens.
It really is a shame about Herman Cain. He spoke so eloquently about the muslim situation at a conference I watched. Well, that’s probably how he got the skirts tailin’ him or was that getting tail from the skirts? Lol!
But den I’m jes a transplanted yankee upstart and whadda I knows anyhoo.
God I love your posts Totsymae! I’d comment plumb near every day if my phone would learn how to play well with others.
Yeah, them yankee transplants don’t know much about inner workings of southern folk. That’s why I’m offering this course. Don’t be late next time, you hear?
Glad you enjoy the posts. Makes me smile. 
I don’t know whether it was a good or bad thing that I understood your example… but there’s still nothing funnier than being in the very deep south and having people there tell you that you talk funny!
I understood your example only too well–which is really scarey for a college English major/writer/poetess/tech writer and PR consultant lady to admit to! But there it is! My mother used to love to “gig” us kids when we asked where the fresh brownies were by answering, “In yonder.”
I’m further south than you so maybe that’s why I got it the first time! Love it, Totsy! I can just hear you now.