Welcome to class, good folk. I hope you’ve put in the necessary time to learning the vocabulary from our last lesson in Speaking Southern 101. I’ll tell you straight up and down (placing my hand on my hip), I ain’t got time to be wasting on folk who ain’t trying to learn nothing. If you missed the first lesson, I advise you to go back to Lesson 1 to get abreast of what you should know ’cause we’re gonna move on.
Understand that there are different dialects used in the south and some are mixed. Today, I’m mixing. I want you to look at the following sentence and tell me if you know what it means:
(The Jeopardy theme music starts)
“Brang me that pichur hung long side that wender over yonder by the wars.”
Does anybody out there have the faintest idea what I just said? Now, I ain’t no expert on all southern dialect. Some of it will grind on your last nerve, believe me, but that’s all a part of learning a new language. Am I right or wrong?
Know that speaking Southern is no measure of intelligence. I need to point that out clearly but yes, like any other cultures, some folk are more simplistic in their ways of thinking than others. Do recall the origin of Daisy Dukes that are now popularly worn in music videos. That little piece of fabric has origins from a southern TV show called The Dukes of Hazzard. Now, Daisy Mae Duke was the cousin of Bo and Luke, who worked them jean shorts like nobody’s business. Folk now, pay a good penny to resemble Daisy’s southern fineness. We also birthed the U.S. Supreme Court Judge, the Honorable Clarence Thomas, who felt up a woman by the name of Anita Hill in the workplace, and so eloquently convinced a wise group of senators that Anita was simply a hater and trying to throw a brick in his path to the highest court in the nation. Do not judge all southerners by Herman Cain and his 999 Plan. Do any of y’all even remember him?
Anyhow, I’m gonna break that sentence down fer/fuh y’all. Please, reflect on the bold type and take notes, folks. Now, here’s a breakdown of the above sentence:
“Bring me that picture hanging along the side of that window, over there by the wires.”
We could eliminate ‘over there’ altogether ’cause based on what we hear, it’s understood the picture is not within reach, so over there or yonder ain’t necessary unless you’re referencing a specific picture in a specified location in the room.
Is the light bulb flashing for you, folks? Thought you were so smart, didn’t you?
Here’s another flashcard fer/fuh you to ponder and we’ll resume our next lesson once I finish scratching my head to figure it out. (Whew!)
The Man with the 999 Plan. Herman "Pimp Daddy" Cain
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