"Beatrice Jones" Copyright 2012 Totsymae
Like Totsy, I was born and raised in the south. Unlike Totsy, however, I’m skilled in speaking standard English, just so you know the difference. Plus, I cook. Southern women like myself are a dying breed but I’m keeping hope alive down here and doing it well. Thank you very much.
I said all of that since *ahem* she’s failed so miserably in making proper introductions. Let me state it right here and now, I’m your National Hollywood Gossip Correspondent (NHGC). I’m all about what’s happening in the Wood and the Hood and I’m currently on location, at the home of Jennifer Lopez, famously known as J. Lo, Go Lo or whoever. I’m here to bring you the glory of the story. Pardon me for reporting in at this late date but (rolling neck and putting hand on thick and fine hip) as you can see, Totsy’s been a blog hog. This, we must put an end to, people. I take my job very, very seriously.
Now, in my hand, I’m carrying a fresh clothesline, bought from my local Target down south. Yes, goodness. You see, Jenny from The Block needs to stop and I’m here, at the security gate trying to get in. Evidently, she’s changed the code on me because we had a falling out when I was last here to lay some brutal frankness on her about this marital situation.
Ladies and Gents, this won’t be a cinch but I also have a box of Tide Laundry Detergent with me. Praise Procter and Gamble. My motives are pure to cure and in her best interest. Amen to the fifth power. But I am strictly here to perform an intervention on this new relationship she has with Boy Toy. Simply put, this here clothesline will be going in Jen’s backyard. What I’m going to do is knock her out with this hammer, as I’m fully equipped, and I’m going to wash her with some of this Tide and a sprinkle of holy water I have in this little vial and hang her right side down on the line, people. You well know she hasn’t had a break since P Daddy, What Diddy or whatever he calls himself. You see, after I wring her out, and I know she won’t go down without a shout and a few bruises to my person but we, meaning me, must get her washed and on this clothesline to air out. Can I get a witness, an Amen or something in that arena?
Oh my, I hear people speaking in tongues…
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Green clothes drying high tech solar with no carbon footprint. Two poles and a rope.
Less expensive than a dryer or therapy.
This is amazing and astute! Totsy, you need to let this woman out more often with her fine self!
Thank you Ms. Linda. Please, pass my astuteness on to that TOtsy.
Beatrice, you have such a unique, fresh voice. I do hope Totsy gives you more blog time and pronto!
Thank you, Ms. Monica. If I must knock her out with Jennifer’s hammer and gag her myself, a girl must do what a girl must.
I was watching her and Marc interact on their new show and I had to wonder what the BT thought — they were downright chummy.
Ooops, forgetting my manners. Welcome to Totsy’s place, Beatrice from Apt 7B!
I’m out of sorts with not being able to witness this interaction myself to assess this. I must get the lowdown and dirty by any means necessary.
And thank you for the warm welcome. My pleasure to be here with you.
Ms Beatrice, I know you take your work real seriously, but I couldn’t help laughing at your What Diddy-ing and Go-Lo-ing. Forgive me …
Don’t you just love these name changes? I’m quite curious what the birth certificate says. Probably Willard or June.
–Tots,
your unique voice proceeds you.
Nobody can quite compare. <3 xx
Tots is more of the hellraising heathen. She will be on one accord with me at some point.
Beatrice, you are quite practical. I couldn’t agree with your more. Celebs talk about saving the planet all the time. What could be more basic that cleaning up your act with a clothesline and some good old-fashioned airing out?
I’m into being green, so yes, a good old fashioned clothesline is what it’s all about.
Does Beatrice plan to publish a book, cause I am ready to buy one!
You know, I must give that some thought. I would love to see my name in lights. Beatrice from Apt 7B.
Totsy,
Can you believe I’m actually old enough to remember getting an album from one of those mailers “Columbia House” or something and it said “Puff Daddy and Mase”. What was I thinking then? Oh, childhood.
Amen
Totsy’s old enough to remember quite a few things. Now me? I’m pushing 30 and not counting.
Beatrice from apt. 7b, you’re hella slick sneaking in like that and having me fooled. And yeah, I’m still very much a youngin, but sometimes I feel like an old soul that’s lived many lives.
Well, say hello to ole Totsy for me
I’ll tell her hello for you, Paz. But I must say, she most likely won’t reply with the duct tape over her mouth. I’m about to send her tumbling down the basement stairs now.
Goodness!
The wife and I having been hanging our laudry (none dirt) out to dry for quite a while now. Something Zen-like about it on blustery days. Ommmmmm
You’re a good man. Saves a lot of money too. This wouldn’t be a good idea in Germany, however. Unless you like your clothing deodorized with manure.
Tots, it is a sin and a shame to make this ol’ white lady laugh this hard and wet her pants on Easter Tuesday like this. I just LOVE the idea of somebody finally getting some cleansing of spirit going on with J’Lo! You know, we had a neighbor back home in Mississippi just like this Beatrice Jones. Now I wish I had had her around all during my 20′s, 30′s and 40′s, you know?
I can see Totsy has hogged this blog so much that people think I’m her. I apologize for the mix-up but a part of the reason is for me to put Totsy on the right path too, clean up that foul mouth of hers. Maybe I should hang her by her tongue.
She knows that boy toy is tooooo young…I think she’ll eventually end up with Diddy…heavy sigh!