Like Totsy, I was born and raised in the south. Unlike Totsy, however, I’m skilled in speaking standard English, just so you know the difference. Plus, I cook. Southern women like myself are a dying breed but I’m keeping hope alive down here and doing it well. Thank you very much.
I said all of that since *ahem* she’s failed so miserably in making proper introductions. Let me state it right here and now, I’m your National Hollywood Gossip Correspondent (NHGC). I’m all about what’s happening in the Wood and the Hood and I’m currently on location, at the home of Jennifer Lopez, famously known as J. Lo, Go Lo or whoever. I’m here to bring you the glory of the story. Pardon me for reporting in at this late date but (rolling neck and putting hand on thick and fine hip) as you can see, Totsy’s been a blog hog. This, we must put an end to, people. I take my job very, very seriously.
Now, in my hand, I’m carrying a fresh clothesline, bought from my local Target down south. Yes, goodness. You see, Jenny from The Block needs to stop and I’m here, at the security gate trying to get in. Evidently, she’s changed the code on me because we had a falling out when I was last here to lay some brutal frankness on her about this marital situation.
Ladies and Gents, this won’t be a cinch but I also have a box of Tide Laundry Detergent with me. Praise Procter and Gamble. My motives are pure to cure and in her best interest. Amen to the fifth power. But I am strictly here to perform an intervention on this new relationship she has with Boy Toy. Simply put, this here clothesline will be going in Jen’s backyard. What I’m going to do is knock her out with this hammer, as I’m fully equipped, and I’m going to wash her with some of this Tide and a sprinkle of holy water I have in this little vial and hang her right side down on the line, people. You well know she hasn’t had a break since P Daddy, What Diddy or whatever he calls himself. You see, after I wring her out, and I know she won’t go down without a shout and a few bruises to my person but we, meaning me, must get her washed and on this clothesline to air out. Can I get a witness, an Amen or something in that arena?
Oh my, I hear people speaking in tongues…