Apologies. I had to interrupt Beatrice’s post to say something very important. To me.
Mr. Boy, my son, is a chef. He went to school for it. In less than two months, he’ll leave for the military. He scored exceedingly high on his military test. While I was in Taiwan, he made this decision. Though, before I left for Taiwan and he came back to live at home, he worked in Athens, GA at UGA. It’s a small but big college town. He had himself an apartment and roommates to make life easier. He and his roommates, who were all white, got along real fine and I liked them. In my eyes, they were all young men trying to make it in the world.
Mr. Boy’s a hardworking fella and has a knack for things mechanical and technology. He’s a news buff and likes to debate shit. He probably knows more about what’s happening in the world than I do. He’s a handsome fella, too. I have to say, me and his daddy made us some good-looking and smart younguns. This son of mine is just an all-around kinda guy ’cause well, he’s mine and his daddy’s child. We’re just kinda all-around folk ourselves. Though, I, folks, have a keen eye for shit and will call shit what it is and ain’t shy about telling you how bad it stank. But I, like other folk like myself, get so tired. You know, we get weary of the shit.
So, when my son totaled his second car, he had to learn some life lessons. He walked one half hour to the bus stop to work five days a week to get to that job. Did it for some months too. Got so, he started enjoying his walks. They gave him time to think and get healthy. He was breathing better. On some of those walks, we’d be talking on the phone. Before he moved to Athens, I told him that was no place for a young black man; the town was too small. And it was.
How many times he was stopped for walking to work by the police, I can’t even tell you, folks. Carrying a pen, ID and a cookbook in his backpack and bits of papers, like receipts and shit. He’d just hand it over to them. Receipts and crumbs in the bottom of the bag and all. Imagine my level of pissivity and worry when he’s stopped for the umpteenth time as I’m talking to him one morning. If you can imagine at all, folks. Umph, umph, umph…This is what happens to the Trayvon Martins in the world, folks. Real life shit, okay?
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Gotta just love America. Black kids can go off to war for us, but better watch which neighborhoods they walk through; especially in Florida.
In Georgia, New York, Mississippi, etc…:-(
Oh Totsy…I am sickened. And sorry for our world to be this way.
Yes indeed, mercilessly killing children is sickening and shall justice have no mercy on those who do.
It saddens my soul to think about the year: 2012…and how far we have come for the sake and safety of equality, and yet….not.
Not is right. The world is watching. Now what? Nothing.
Were you listening to NPR this morning? Bias was the topic. Their email box was full to brimming. All were talking…moving forward albeit slowly…speaking out against the inequity. It is too easy for me, Sweet-Tea, to say “patience” because this should all be over with. Damn we should be done with this. Our (and I’m counting the yous and mes) numbers are growing…just not fast enough because mamas still have to have “the talk”with the children. Damn right we should be done with this.
Racism, sexism, they all stink, they stink real bad. Prejudice kills hope and life. I hate it.
We’re just not where we think we are.
2011 City of Miami cops gunned down 7 black males under “questionable” circumstances, 7 separate incidences. They know who the thugs are and mete out street justice this way with the “feared for our lives” caveat and are “cleaning up” in their minds but many others are just innocent citizens. Miami Dade has 32 other municipalities with individual police forces plus the overall Metro Dade police force and I don’t have any stats or info on those but the “internal investigations” have been going on for a year and a half and external entities have been blocked from investigating. About 15 years ago there was a song with lyrics “kill a cop today” or “shoot a cop today” and there was national outrage about it. The white world does not understand. Minorities do. Feels good to “get even” once in a while. And people should not have to feel that way. My grandchildren are black-mixed. The cops better not,,,,,At 62 and having had multiple heart attacks I’d rather get revenge than stay alive.
Justice isn’t always impartial. Class and race are the cornerstone of America.
Sweetie, I am SO sorry your wonderful son had to go through this in that sorority/spoiled frat boy town of Athens,GA! And guess what? I am an ol’ white lady, with pure white hair, walking all the time here in this town in NW Alabama–and I get stopped and asked what am I doing out here and don’t I need a ride to the “group home”(mental illness supportive care place, you understand!) No kidding! So I can just extrapolate and lift up a lot of prayers for your son, as he goes off into the military, no matter where they send him. Those troops are gonna’ eat good, I’m tellin’ ya! Oh, and another thing, because I am “white” and stated I wanted a Democratic primary ballot, I have been verbally attacked and snarled at in my local voting precinct! I filed a formal complaint with the Election Board and never received any response! I have been loudly and rudely accosted in my own church for having moderate (which they call left wing and liberal!) political views! This season of HATE is going to hasten the Apocolypse, I swear!
Thank you for your prayers.
How dare you get verbally attacked for not thinking the way others think you should think? That’s crazy. You won’t hear from anyone either. I’m sorry that happened to you. We’re in a sad place in America.
Just makes me want to punch someone!!!
I just said that very thing to my son after seeing this other kid in court after running over the 49-year man BECAUSE he was black. Sick!
Sadly, even though I’ve lived in the San Francisco Bay Area all my life, I’ve seen this stuff up close and personal too. I live in a very integrated place. For years, I worked in a city called Pleasanton. It is located about 30 miles from where I live. It’s an upscale primarily white town. When Alex was overseas serving his country, a friend of mine, a young black guy named Jawan offered to let me car pool with him to our jobs in Pleasanton. He was a CAD operator and I was the Marketing Director. This is a lovely young man, didn’t drink, smoke or swear, and from a wonderful family.
The Highway Patrol pulled us over early in the morning and actually had us “assume the position” against the car right at the side of the freeway. Jawan’s tags had expired. That’s usually a “fix it” ticket. In this case, they confiscated his car. He and I were speechless. But I think the most shocking part of all to me is Jawan telling me this sort of thing happened to him all the time. I wrote a complaint letter to Barbara Lee, my representative. Congresswoman Lee contacted the Chief of the Highway Patrol and I got an apology call. I was sickened over the whole affair.
The only up part of this whole sad fiasco is that Jawan and I bonded even closer and have remained good friends to this day.
I’m sorry your son has gone through this. His military experience will be a lot different. The color in the Service is red, white and blue.
We shall see what color he is in the military. I was in the National Guard in Georgia and Texas, and it was clear that I was not the color you describe. Especially so in Texas. It was horrible.
I think one has to get out of Georgia and Texas. I would also think that Florida might be best avoided. Alex is retired AF. He never really experienced any racial stuff in his 25 years of military. My son was in the Navy for 4 years. The friends he brought home on leave with him were a mixed crew of kids, white, black, asian. It’s different in the south I think.
What the heck do you expect in GEORGIA of all places? Maybe only Alabama might be worse. Or NYC? Or Southside Chicago? Welcome to Everywhere, USA, Totsy! But I don’t have to tell you that. A cookbook. Hysterically dangerous. Might as well have been an AK-47 to those crackers. Do people still call ‘em “Crackers”?
Yes, they’re still called crackers.
Yes, indeed. Welcome to America.
Sickening. In a country that’s supposed to be all about freedom, so many of our citizens are still marginalized and treated as less than human. The saddest part is, even if there is justice for Trayvon, it won’t change anything overall. My heart breaks for all parents who have to worry that their children will be traumatized, injured, or killed for no good reason.
No, it won’t change anything. Life will resume and this very thing will continue to happen. Freedom is different for different people here.
I can’t even begin to imagine. Racial profiling is an abomination. SO many people it even exists.
Are you worried about him joining the military?
I don’t worry.
Totsy, I was devastated when I read what happened to Trayvon. It’s unbelievable that while we preach equality, there are still a few rotten apples that continue to discriminate. Racial profiling is indeed tragic. When will it stop? My heart weeps for his parents and the fact he was so close to home just makes me cry. What a senseless tragedy. Your son must be a noble soul to surrender his bag like that. I don’t see my Son doing the same and sadly, this could very well mean a tragic ending. Oh, dear Lord, help us.
Yes, Lord help us right now.
In some places in the states, a parent must teach the black male child how to handle being stopped by the police. There’s even a book about it. Can you believe that? But I don’t want to think about it now.
Tots, I’m so sorry your son goes through this. Is the experience part of his decision to join the military?
Thank you. No, this wasn’t his reason for enlisting. He comes from a family line of soldiers. Though sad to say, it may be safer for him there than here.
I get that. My best wishes to you and Mr Boy and your family.
~~Tots,
my heart breaks at the ignorance & stupidity of some people.
…and to read it coming from YOU makes it real. real. real.
Will we ever change? Will we ever be educated? Will we ever just love one another and human beings?
I am abundantly sad about the state of our future.
Love. Xx
I don’t know that we will be educated. We certainly want to believe it but it’s simply not so.
I used to wonder if ignorance was what kept people from not liking or possibly understanding other races.
What happened to you son, just horrible, it makes me SO mad when i hear things like this. And that precious child in Florida, ugh my heart is just so sad.
I heard a grown woman call my two year old grandson a mutt; (he’s bi racial) , I was shocked speechless to say the least!
That is when i realized it’s just hate. They hate everyone who doesn’t look just like them. Somethings gotta change!
How cruel of that woman to make such a reference.
I wish I could say things will change but I can’t.
I watched that Oprah show when it was aired. It’s effect still lives with me today – in this way…now I know there are times when I’m being racist and I don’t even realize it! The man who is one of my most important life mentors, a South Sea Islander, helps me see if I slip.
For a period of time, due to a work contract, I lived as a minority member of a community. As a financial person in a school district, I had to make some unpopular decisions. It was very scary. I slept with my car parked right outside my bedroom window in case someone decided to torch my temporary home. There was always a sense that I didn’t know what was really going on. I was not “a part of” so could not “anticipate” whatever in order to protect myself. I was told that my folk were only welcome until the base work had been done, then we could get our butts out. Right out!
These “mothers” have been mean as far back in history as when explorers were landing on their shores. These people were terribly cruel to other tribes within their race – took slaves and treated them like retards and rejects.
Did my behaviour change while I fulfilled my contract? You damn right! If I had no food and held the last loaf of bread the store stocked, I’d have handed it over with no argument, emotion or eye contact.
I figure I have a touch of compassion, now Tots, but I know I still slip. Gods knows it’s not intentional. Anything but!!
Thanks for writing your truth. I love you for that. Seriously.
The important thing and what many African Americans want is the acknowledgement you admit to yourself, that it happens, that it’s not okay. To do nothing is like no admission at at all and supports those who are blatant in their disdain for others who are unlike them.
I’m sorry your son (and so many others) has gone through this.
The Trayvon Martin case makes me so angry, and so sad. I grew up at the tail end of the civil righs movement, and back then I never would have believed that things like this would still be happening in the 21st century.
Thank you, Laura. We shall see what comes of this situation in Florida. I really wish I’d not posted on this topic because it makes me so angry. I’m sorry.
Totsy, I’m sure the authorities are only looking for his birth certificate.
My adopted son is Hispanic and we keep telling him that he has to obey the laws more closely than someone who isn’t. Because he is going to be the one they bust, not his white friend. Or his white parents.
Good luck to your son, Tots. Let us hear more about him.
Oh yes, his birth certificate. Similar to papers Latinos have to carry in Arizona. I hope your son walks a straight line because you’re so right.
Thank you. I shall keep everyone informed of Mr. Boy.
You must be so proud of your son. He is a remarkable young man. I hope he is safe no matter where he is going. I trylly believe the justice will prevail in case of Trayvon Martin. My mind like so many other people can’t comprehend that this could still happen in 2012. Shame on America.
Our justice system doesn’t always provide anything even close to justice. It makes all mothers cringe – regardless of race, class, or sexual identity. What does your son have to say about all of this and how does it make him feel on the cusp of going into the military for his country?
Totsy,
You say your son learned a lot of life lessons when he totaled his car and had to walk. Unfortunately it appears he learned a few extra lessons about our society that isn’t pretty, but is there, just under the surface of it all; a blemish that few wish to talk about.
I cannot begin to imagine the feelings and emotion that must swirl in your mind at this kind of behavior of others. I can sympathize with your plight, but to truly understand and know it as a reality, I am unable to grasp it entirely. I can feel for you, but I can’t “feel you”, other than to imagine what it must be like. A poor substitute for reality in this case, and that is what is so frustrating about this all.
I am touched. Coming from you, this issue is not theoretical to me, but up close and personal, for you are my friend. Speak on, speak up. Your voice is important.
Tots,
It happens more often than not. Merely taking a stroll and being in the purview of white authority figures seems to be grounds for suspicion for the line of questioning that often ensues. It’s more than unfortunate. One of your commenters used the word “abomination”. That’s more like it! The whole bit of explaining how to be/ act/ look/ stare, to my twelve year old son is exhausting. The whole process is counterintuitive to the confidence and empowerment building that I’m trying to establish among my children. How do you tell your kid to “hold your head up”, but lower it again in the face of authority? “Keep your eyes on the prize”, but avert your eyes for fear of being pulled over, questioned, humiliated? The conversation needs to be among those with maladjusted cultural perceptions about what and who looks dangerous. While I see my son as beautiful, jovial and curious, as I’m sure you see yours, some of the rest of the world sees him as imposing or threatening. Trayvon Martin is one of many, but his death was the straw that broke the camel’s back, especially in 2012, long after Emmett Till. Just shouldn’t be happening in this era with all this “civilized, educated” folk.
I know you are taking a break. You’re on my mind because of the number of blogs I’m finding that are addressing racism. This is good.
In case you aren’t visiting posts, I hope this focus is a promise of our continental soul authentically transpiring and transforming. People like Charles Martin- http://slpmartin.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/stand-your-ground – and you present insights and shine lights on appalling attitudes and alarming ignorance that breaks the soul of any human being.
It is not acceptable. Speaking up in the manner you do is essential.
I just wish they would arrest that guy already. Have you heard his attorney trying to spin that self-defense strategy over and over? It’s horrible, so, so horrible. I hope some good comes out of this. I really do.
Sorry to hear about Mr. Boy. We seem to take one step forward, 1,000 steps back. Way back.
This was happening to my nephew in Queens 10 or so years ago. He was in junior high. If the cops saw him on the streets, they stopped him. Several times a day. Everyday. And the cops and society wonder why black kids/young/old black men are distrustful, feel threatened??? Gimme a break!
One of my Latina friends told me she was walking behind her son and watched the cops stop and slam him into a wall in NJ. All he was doing was walking home. She had to rush to his defense. It’s sickening.
Hope Mr. Boy’s fine.
Seriously? What kind of crap is that??? That makes me so mad!!! Go find an actual crime to stop. Ugh! I’m so sorry.
The thing is, if the human race were to be wiped out except for infants, racism would also be erradicated; it simply does not exist in our souls when we are born. The fact that people CREATE hate – truly from nothing, like bad magic – is disgusting. And being filled with hate is like a cancer that eats away at you, so how can you teach that, spread that to others? Infect clear and beautiful souls with your poison so that they will now rot inside like you? (That all being the hypothetical ‘you,’ not YOU, Totsymae.
Anyway, I feel like that’s one of the top 10 questions I need on what should be a required test for people who want to have children so that the people who won’t change can at least be prevented from propagating their hate. Aie, Totsy, now you’ve got me all riled up! I just know I’ll be carrying this soapbox around with me all day, ready to teach some people who don’t know they need learning. Anyone on my route better be on his good behavior today!
I’m sorry for him, Totsy. And for you too:(
I don’t understand the world.