"Didn't Call or Show Up, Girl" Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae
You know, I’m the kinda person who cares very little about where folk are from. Nobody’s got a choice in that. It ain’t about what you’ve got mixed up in you that’s gonna make you a better or worse person to me either. It’s about how you’re interrelating and what’s going on up in that head for me.
When I’m looking at things with my natural eye, it can be a little on the wicked side and I say wicked not so much to mean being bad but it’s also my impatient and curious side. You know, that part that says “See what that fruit tastes like from that tree over yonder.” You get what I’m saying? We all have layers to us and Lord, help my natural side. It needs a spanking sometimes.
I said all of that to say this. It annoys the shit outta me when folk don’t know how to get off the phone. Some folk know how to accomplish getting off the line efficiently. Others don’t. You know what I’m talking about? Those long good-byes can be stupidly awkward. When you think the conversation’s over and it ain’t, it can have you scratching your brain out, I tell ya. Now, it’s real obvious I’m from the south. Therefore, I’m extremely polite. On an etremely good day, that is. What’s thrown me for a loop is when I talk with this woman from New York and the end of the conversation goes like this:
Me: Alright then. So, I’ll let you know something next week. (This, for me, is her cue to say, ‘Okay. Bye’ or something like that.)
NY Woman: Okay. You think you’ll call by the end of the week, maybe?
Me: Sure, yeah, I’ll call then.
NY Woman: Well, if I don’t pick up, I’ll give you a call back. The phone doesn’t always pick up signals in the building.
Me: That’s fine. Just give a call back and we’ll talk. (By this time, I’m hunching my shoulders and wondering if my last comment left it open for her to keep talking instead of telling me ‘Bye.’)
NY Woman: Alright then. Everything’s good. That’s real good.
Me: Yes, yes. Okay, we’ll talk next -.
NY Woman: Good, good. Okay. Real good.
Me: Yeah. Well, let me go now. I’m heading out and need to pay attention to the road. (Actually, I’m heading to the bathroom for a much needed piss by now)
NY Woman: Oh, okay then. We’ll touch base again next week…
This is the kinda situation that makes me think about where folk are from. Long good-byes ain’t what I expect from New Yorkers. After talking with her, I’m like, shit, I’m about ready to smoke a cigarette after all that or take me a nap. If she were an older type woman, it wouldn’t be a big deal. Over time, I’ve learned patience. I just don’t like when folk don’t know how to end a call. I’m known for not even saying bye. Most times, the person I’m talking to knows when the conversation’s over, so I’ll typically say something like, ‘Okay’ and hang up. I do, however, recognize that some folk require formal closure to the conversation. I can do that. I simply want the call to end.
Look, I’m a busy woman, folks. I have to keep the batteries in my remote charged, vacuum the little dirt from the borders of the walls, keep the clocks synchronized from one room to the next and peep out my windows periodically to see what’s happening in the neighborhood. Maybe I shouldn’t assume everybody’s as busy as I am.
How do you stop the wind from coming through the other end of your telephone line?
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
I feel the same way about e-mails. Seems like everyone feels the need to get in the last word. I don’t get it!
Thankfully, I haven’t had that experience. It’s quicker to let it go and I have no problem doing that.
I’d think dealing with a long-winded phone call would be worse than dealing with an endless e-mail chain. I could choose not to read or respond to an e-mail after a certain point, but there’s no way of ending an ongoing phone call without coming across as rude.
I always say “bye”, but I don’t always say it before I hang up the phone. I think you need to start doing that too. Saying okay and hanging up is a good thing. If that New York woman wants to tell you something else, she can call back. I hate being tied up on the phone when I’ve got something to do. Yeah, like important stuff. I need to keep an eye out the window too. How else would I ever know what is going on in the hood? Just this morning, there was a lady out in my recycle garbage plucking out cans and bottles to put in her shopping cart. Totsy, that is stealing from the recycle people. It also feels like an invasion of my privacy since I throw all my plastic, paper, and glass in that one can. She has no right to pluck through my stuff. But if I was on the phone, I could not sic Harry and Zoe on her to scare her away. So I see what you mean.
You’ve got me chuckling again. Maybe saying bye after getting off the line will help. It would at least make me smile anyway.
And yes, looking out the window is serious business. We’re like on unofficial neighborhood watch duty. Undercover, that is. Nobody would do such things as steal from the recycling bin if we stood outside and watched them. I need a Zoe and Harry to take care of that kinda business for me too.
Hi just reading through to leave a comment. Just wanted to suggest, why don’t you put your deposited recycle in one back so that a person who is in need for that deposit money can pick it up and make a little change. I do this and believe it helps someone eat that day.
How do you stop the wind from coming through the other end of your telephone line?
I turn into the HULK and lose all patience. Kind of the same story with people that don’t know when is the right time to take their leave from my presence. (See blog.)
I feel your pain with the awkward pauses at the end of a telephone call. The worst is that guy “friend” who’s trying to be more than just friends… how do you say to that one, “Ok. I’m done talking to you now and the longer you stay on here saying nothing, does NOT help your chances of getting the invitation to bore me in person. Sorry.” ????
I don’t wanna work up the Hulk emotion. I’ll save that for something more worthwhile. I’ll probably just hang up on one of those impolite days but I know I’d feel badly about it. At least until I get used to doing it.
Been there! This is my drill: “Well, it’s been nice talking to you. Bye!” Then they either say “bye” and we both click off. Or if they don’t say “bye,” I just click off. Even if they start a new sentence. No regrets.
Get used to it, oh wordiest of wordies!
Girl, you make me laugh. But it’s to the point and I can see already that it would work.
I always say, well, I gotta go. Talk with ya later bye. Then it’s over whether they had something to say or not. I’m with ya though. When it’s my mom it’s one more thing and then another thing and then…and lord help me if I hang up on her. It’ll just start all over again.
You know, in the south we say something like, “Well, I won’t hold you,” and of course, you get some folk who wanna be smart in the mouth in responding, so I can’t use that one anymore. This person would be my mom, by the way.
Totsy, you need to get into the greeting card industry. I’m not kidding. You would make a fortune with your no-nonsense, doesn’t mess around, tells it like it is ‘tude.
LOL — this had me chuckling the entire way through. I have been there, and like yourself, am exceeding polite and just can’t seem to be the one who says, “You’ve used up my entire quota of patience and now I must hang up on you.”
Oh, but some days I wish I was . . .
Maybe I should have a buncha card with biting remarks and people can send them out to those special people who need them. Folk can really try your patience and have no idea what they’re doing to the person they’re doing it to.
I wish I had it in me to ‘Just Say It’ too.
I’m from the north but used to be from the south (Pacific side) and we have the exact same problem here on our ocean side of the telephone etiquette universe. I’ve found flushing the toilet a real conversation ender…..!
Okay. I can see your strategy being quite effective. I’m etching that one in my brain.
However, confession time TM….this flushing of toilet…does not work with one’s children. You’ve been warned…
“Thanks for calling, bye.” End of conversation. If I still hear them talking, and they need me to listen to those words, they’ll call back.
Folks do this with emails too, have you noticed? You’ll type — “great news, I’ll catch up with you this weekend, I have to get back to work.” And then the other person sends a couple of more emails until I want to scream “I AM GOING TO GET FIRED!” Oy vey.
Well, that’s straight to the point. I haven’t had that problem with emails. It’s easy to end email conversations for me. The voice on the other end of a call isn’t so easy, however. I should feel less guilty with people hogging up my time.
HA!!! Know this exactly!
Isn’t it the most agitating thing? I’m gonna try flushing the toilet.
Towards the end of your convo, just walk in to the bathroom, the phone will now ECHO every single thing you do, run the water, run the shower, THEN flush the toilet, while leaving the water running. LOL
Tots, I stopped that wind from blowing through my telephone line by discontinuing landline service. I only use a mobile service now; and I almost ALWAYS text! That is my solution, okay? I love this post putting the New York woman in the wrong! Just LOVE that as a fellow Southerner! I admit, I have been guilty too often in the past of this long-winded way of ending a phone conversation–that is why I almost exclusively text now. Everyone agrees that it is much more polite of me!
Texting is good but I’m surprised at you. I thought you were more personable, being southern and all. I know you were raised better than that, Granbee.
I just go down to the telegraph office by Stan’s barber shop over on Franklin Street. Send what I gotta say, pay the 42 cents and Tom sends it off.
Okay. Soon as I can locate the nearest telegraph office over this way, I’ll get a Tom-like person to do the same for me. You’re so ahead of the game than the rest of us.
One word – “Texting”! I love it. Busy people can retrieve their messages whenever they like, shoot back a simple response, and badda, bing, badda, bang, conversation over! If we’re going to be in a long drawn out conversation, let’s visit in person.
Yeah but these have been necessary conversations that shouldn’t be handled by texting, in this instance. You know how you have to talk and you also have to drum up the energy to even make the call? Yep…
Tots, I never pick up the phone. My Family gets quite angry at me.
I’m like “Tell them I’m not home. Tell them I’m taking a bath.”
I’ll text them! Haaaaaaaaa HAAAAAAAA
Am I mean?
Xxx Kisssssss
It’s not mean. Sometimes it’s very necessary. I fast from people, so I guess that’s the same thing really. I think people would rather have us not answer the phone than detect in our voice that we don’t want to talk.
Peeping out the window sure is important! What you might want to do, Totsy, is say, “Hold on, I have something in the oven.” Then, leave the phone off the hook and go about your chores. Come back in an hour or so. Hopefully, she’s have hung up by then.
I love this idea, Monica. Brought a huge smile to my face. I can see this being very effective too.
HA!
I know. I’ve said that when I was holding the remote or trying to get something to eat. What is it with people wanting to linger on nothing?
I had a boss once who could never get off the phone when she called me. It was AWFUL! She had no sense of time management or manners whatsoever. I actually had to “make things up” to get off the phone with her. Hah hah!
Now the boss on the other end can be a hard one. They feel entitled to hog your time. Truly awkward one there…
LOL
There was one thing missing from your conversation with this person… ready?
You: Okay, we’ll talk next. Bye! (click)
I keep my phone on 2 bars when I’m home at some point in the conversation is that your phone or mine beeping. Oh I have to charge my phone talk to you later, bye.
Oh, this is a good one too. So glad I brought up the topic. Now, I have plenty of excuses.
lol
I LOVED READING THIS!!!!!!!!
I never answer the phone, I don’t like it. I don’t like to talk anyway. I would chat for hours online if needed, but phone call???? no! that’s not me. It irritates me so much!!!
I like talking on the phone. What I’ve noticed is there are certain types of people who do that and they’re usually people who won’t let others get a word in anyway.
I’ve got mixed feelings about this one. I can totally relate to what you’re saying about folks who don’t know how to say good bye on the phone, but at least there you can make up something to eventually hang up. Much worse if you have those kinds of folks in person – awkward for sure if you have to then kick them in the ass to get them out the door…
Maybe face-to-face, you could pretend an important call’s coming in, should you have your phone on you. But then, it’s so easy for people to see a lie than hear it.
There’s this term I learned related to chit-chatting forevermore after church called “vestibuling.” Your post reminds me of that–people just can’t say good-bye and be done with it. I don’t get it. I mean, people can be rude and hang up too fast, but malingering on the phone is annoying too.
That term describes it perfectly. And maybe it’s that I’m not a good chit-chatterer.
LOL! OMG, you are hilarious, but you’re so right. Sometimes I try to wrap up a conversation, but it keeps going on and on. It’s so awkward, and if I try to cut it off abruptly, then I feel like I’m being rude.
It’s the oddest feeling, yeah? Like, trying to figure it out while being stuck in the conversation. Ever in one where people say they won’t charge you for a service but you’re chatting so long, you feel like you have to pay them because that’s why they’re chatting with you in the first place? That’s even more weird because you end up paying them to leave.
This is such an important issue. Gotta confess: I’m both offender and offendee on this one.
Lorna’s “vestibuling” so funny too.
Uh oh! Bet you’ll remember the next time you find yourself in a chatty situation.
[...] inimitable Totsymae asked this question this week, and had me and thousands of others pondering the mysteries of ending [...]
This was good. Really good! I laughed all the way through. How in the world did “have you scratching your brain out” come to you? That’s brilliant. You amaze me sometimes.
Thank you. I gather you’ve had a number of those type of phone calls. Such is life, I guess…:-)
I have a friend whose conversations are like monologues. Then she’ll ask me how I’m doing or something and I answer but – and I still don’t know how she does this – she manages to find a way to turn my response into a conversation about her.
Finally, I figured it out so when I’m giving her the cues and she’s not getting them because she’s too deep into her conversation, I tell her I have to go because — and I lie if I have to. Got to go to the bathroom, got to go out, got to take a call on my cell and it’s international, etc., something, anything to get out of the conversation. By the time she’s done, my ear is hot and it hurts.
Yeah, I know those kinds of people. To lie is the only way out.
Pretend your reception is cutting out and leave every second word out of your sentence then hang up – Or you could get caller ID and file that person under do not answer
Yep, I like this one.