"Mama's Weary" Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae
I want this to be the last time I talk about food and ex beaus with y’all. I really do but I was browsing my pantry this morning and realized I’ve got some early spring cleaning to do. Just so happens I’m loaded up with a buncha canned goods I wouldn’t have normally had on my shopping list but on account of me dating Now Ex Beau over the summer, I accumulated some things that’s been a detriment to my health.
And yes, it’s Now Ex Beau’s fault I’m having to watch everything I eat. I was doing real fine before he came along cooking all that food I devoured like a goddamn piranha. He was always trying to say how better he was at cooking than me and my son, Mr Boy, who’s a chef. Certified, that is. Unlike him, who was a self-proclaimed “gourmet chef.”
I would tell Now Ex Beau that he cooked with too many processed foods and being the arrogant kinda folk he was, he cocked up some story and ’cause the food was good, which I give him full credit, I let down my guard and ate everything he cooked when he was in town. I was even eating at buffets and shit. Like, I don’t consider myself to be high maintenance or nothing but I don’t do buffets. I don’t like everybody having opportunities to breathe over shit I might wanna eat. Besides, I’m only good for one plate. After that, and I’m gonna be honest, I wanna steal what I don’t eat at the restaurant. A couple of times, I did. Yeah, I know it’s tacky but who ain’t had a moment or two of them?
Anyhow, I was at the market yesterday. Got pulled over by the po-po and everything, trying to get there. I didn’t get a ticket ’cause I got a nice and even smile and well, if you don’t work what you got, who will?
Well, I got to the market and loaded up with fresh shit and realized how much better I’ve been feeling. I really do have a testimony for y’all, as they say in baptist circles and whatnot but I ain’t ready to share. So, back to my little story.
I’m browsing the pantry and all the canned shit I bought when I was with Now Ex Beau over the summer, I see I need to get rid of. Do I pass it along to a shelter or dump it? ‘Cause I’m gonna tell you, I straight up and down believe that man was trying to kill me. He declined my health, folks. I don’t know what purpose he had in doing that, being he wasn’t on any of my insurance policies. I suspect he just wanted to see me move toward a slow death and have me go to this and that doctor that he’d not be here to escort me to. He’d just move on to somebody else and I suspect, try to kill them too.
As for him being a better cook than Mr Boy, honey please. Mr Boy even does his research over the internet to see what’s conducive to my health. If I say, like I did a little while ago, “Mr Boy, cook my dinner for tonight,” I’m confident the food will be good and healthy for me. I don’t know who’s gonna be able to come in behind Mr Boy and top that ’cause New Beau will require some serious culinary skills. As for me, it ain’t hard to cook better than me. I won’t even embellish what I can do in no kitchen. Not only that, with men wanting to be equal to women with giving birth, and controlling contraceptives and all, cooking the way I need him to go about it is very necessary. Ain’t nothing high maintenance about that, is it?
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
I don’t think it’s high maintenance at all.
Glad I stopped by. Really enjoyed this entertaining write. And am so impressed with the painting. What a talent.
Have a great weekend.
Thanks. I’m glad you agree. I feel better about asking.
I’m glad you enjoyed your visit and do enjoy your weekend also.
How can Mr Man or whatever think canned food is healthy? Coupla cans has as much salt as half the Atlantic Ocean.
Not Mr Man, or Mr Boy. It was Now Ex Beau. I don’t know how he figured but being a bachelor, it was about convenience.
My comments are going straight to the spam folder…and I don’t know how to stop that. Like most people/things, wordpress does not like me.
I didn’t see any comments there today. I did see a couple of yours in spam earlier this week but I think if you keep a clean mouth, you’ll be fine.
I never comment on anyone’s blog in any other way than using a clean mouth. On MY blog I use what is appropriate for the comments posted. That won’t evah change Twin.
I beg the differ on that! I’m about to ship you an etiquette kit. Don’t make me spend extra on overnight shipping.
Please show me where I have spoken on your blog, in the comments section with a profane mouth….please…
I deleted the comment. I’m not holding it against you or nothing. I do understand what may be inappropriate for me may not be for someone else.
I shall not comment further on your blog. I do however wish you continue to comment on mine. I like your being on my blog and I like your comments there. Enjoy your weekend.
Believe me, worse things have happened with a couple of bloggers. If I what you said was unforgivable, I’d not continue visiting you. But whatever you’re comfortable with…
Well, Totsy, you’re very lucky to have Mr. Boy around. He sounds like a wonderful chef and he’s got your back!
I’d say I was real lucky. I wonder how the wifey’s gonna fit into all this.
I’m a lazy cook and I freely admit to taking shortcuts that aren’t the healthiest to save time. But to call that gourmet cooking? Ridiculous. And I’m with you 100% on buffets. Ick!
Same thing I said. He’s up for the Ridiculous Academy Award. Probably me in the running too for taking leave of my senses, if only temporarily.
My daughter calls me a kitchen nazi because I insist on fresh everything. I also use “organic” whenever I can which is most of the time. I’ve never gone for the big warehouse food approach. I like the butcher shop, the fish market, the fruit and veggie places, the cheese shops, the bakery for my bread hot out of the oven. I don’t “do” buffets either. And “all you can eat” makes them ridiculous to my way of thinking. A plate of food is all I can eat. Why buy more than I can eat? Silly. I think we are better off with no additives in our food. If we want flavor, chop up some garlic, some onions and the like. Use parsley and cilantro. I make my own pasta sauce out of tomatoes, no sugar added. I do use a pinch of truffle sea salt in eggs though. It’s sinfully good and worth the sodium. Mr. Boy is going to make a wonderful husband. Ex Beau? Not so much.
I love the painting!
Nothing wrong with being a kitchen nazi. If you don’t be it, I can guarantee you the FDA won’t. Mr Boy is looking to be
a husband shortly. I hope he doesn’t totally abandon all the work he’s put into me once he does.
Glad you like the painting. A real looker, ain’t she?
Totsy, one can never say that one visits you blog and leaves here “unentertained”! I love your writing style, sister! You make me chuckle all the time! Methinks Mr. Boy has your best interests at heart. Hang on tight. Good men, who are willing to cook you dinner, are hard to come by, lady!
Thank you, Bella. Every now and again, I chuckle myself but you never know what’s gonna tickle somebody else’s box.
I do believe Mr Boy wants me to be around for awhile, so I’m compliant with his direction. I’d best hang on tight
with my hands AND feet for a man with culinary skills, girl.
I can’t even get started on the man vs. birth control thing. Instead I’ll say: nice painting! And — glad you’re eating healthy again.
Thank you. And I hear ya on the birth control thing. It’s more than a trip.
–Mr. Boy ROCKSssss …. Just like you, Tots. Xxxx So many kisses.
He really does, Kim.
Like YOU! (wink, wink)
Now you have somebody to blame all those little things on!
Exactly. I can’t be responsible for everything I do.
Sister, you’re just getting better and better. I’m like a junkie searching through my inbox every morning for your post.
I’m with you on the buffet. I never went back after noticing folk hovering over the chocolate mousse bowl.
The painting’s a gas.
Why, thank you. I’m glad you look forward and can get through the accent and all.
Hey, but I’m learning a lot from you, so it’s not simply by chance that we’ve stumbled
upon each other. Glad you like the painting. She ain’t doing too well, as you can see.
I’m glad I don’t feel like she looks.
Yeah, I think I dated that dude. He was tryin to kill me, too. Glad we got rid of his sorry ass. Let him go try to kill someone else…like his own damn self.
I agree. We’re better off with him.
So, Totsy, is Kim the luck lady who gets to watch Mr. Boy cook?
As I read your blog, I keep wanting to jump in and comment here, there and wherever! Good think we can’t do that!
Yay – down with processed food. Food companies spawn men-who-try-to-kill-us. Both deserve jail sentences because of what they do to childrens’ taste buds. They grow up craving the junk and cooking with it! Thus a nation of obese people!!
I want my food to be like my men: Fresh, organic and unprocessed!
She hasn’t had the pleasure yet. I guess I’ve talked about him so much on here, she may as well had. I must share the spotlight with Little Totsy from now on.
You can jump in and comment as you wish.
I’m pretty much all natural now. Seemed so hard giving up some things in the beginning but I can’t imagine doing anything else now.
You’re lucky to have Mr. Boy!!!
By the way, your painting is AMAZING, Totsy.
Have a great Sunday.
Yes, I’m lucky indeed.
Glad you like the painting. Enjoy your day as well. Happy painting!
Why is it that when men come into our lives, even for a minute, they have to change everything? And why is it that we, like idiots, just go right along?
I was nodding as I read this, I can relate. Used to date a guy who loved IHOP brunches — can’t stand the food, but I’d go right along and try to find something that wouldn’t make me feel sick after. No matter what I chose, you bet my stomach would be flip-flopping when I was done.
Your son obviously has your best interest at heart. I’m sure he’ll stay close after he gets married.
Get rid of the junk food, if the dates are still valid, send them to a shelter. I hardly even buy frozen, though they say it’s better than canned. I go for fresh all the time; the food tastes so much better.
That ptg looks so much like you, Totsy!
If that woman looks like me, I’ve got some sho’ nuff work to do!
Her face, I mean, looks a little like you. I know you’re not that ample, if that’s what you’re referring to.
Mr. Boy is a chef – I am in love!!!
I shall ship you a meal for 8.99.
Not that hard to cook yummy unhealthy food. Great tasting, low fat, low carb, whole grain, organic, seasonal, locally grown or gluten-free- now that’s a challenge.
You’re right.
It’s quite a challenge that I’m feeling pretty good about now. So difficult at first.
Totsy,
I’m loving that curvy, colorful lady decorating the top of your page. She’s a beauty, but I wish she weren’t so tired. Poor thing! But with a face like that, no wonder the police didn’t ticket her. Give that nasty food to the food bank. Someone may know how to turn it into something nutritious. And continue to get your energy back with some good eating.
Thank you.
It’s just been the roughest of days. She’s got a tub of water to soak her feet and a cheap glass of wine on the nightstand to soothe the weariness.
Are you a vegetarian too? I do eat fish, so I’m not totally meatless. Having salmon tonight. I figure if Jesus fed the flock with it, it’s good enough for me too. Hope all’s good with your eating. You’ve got a cookin’ man. Lucky you!
Hi there Totsymae! Morning! I am not vegetarian, though I the amount of meat that I eat. I eat mostly seafood, and have been getting turned off more and more by poultry. Hubby is mostly vegetarian, though he occasionally enjoys seafood. He knows his way around the kitchen, but don’t expect no five-course meal from him. I prefer to do most of the cooking. I like to use fresh herbs and flavors that he doesn’t quite pull together, despite his best efforts. My eating is good…for today.
One day at a time.
Tots, while I was dodging the out-of-date cans falling on my ol’ head, I couldn’t help but notice your renewed vim and vigour with the fresh, unprocessed foods you have been eating! Listen, haven’t you heard about finding the right guy at the market? Just pretend that guy frowning over the peppers is the po-po you need to charm and go for it, okay?
You caught on to the freshness/ Why, I’m more than delighted. I do feel I’ve got some clarity.
And you’re right, I should go for it. 
I have changed the way I eat when dating. I really try to manage my weight but it goes all to hell when you start making exceptions. I am still trying to get rid of ten pounds but I feel way better than I did when I started eating properly again.
It’s going to be challenging for me to date and eat out. Not a real big deal now, however. I just have so many restrictions. Maybe I should start liking sports at least.
I don’t like the idea of giving away unhealthy food to food shelves, but they need food in canned form. Food is food. Better than throwing it away.
Glad you’re on a healthier eating and living plan.
I don’t like that idea either. I like to give what I would eat but yeah, it’s the most convenient method to give.