"Afro and Hoops" Watercolor/Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae
Everybody’s got a story but is it worth telling? I can’t say mine is or ain’t but I was sitting here thinking,’Well, what if it was?’ And if it was, what would I call it? Maybe I could run a few stories by you to read, I reckon, but a whole book? I don’t think so. But if I did, I came up on a few titles to sum up what this life of mine would be in the form of a book. Nothing fancy schmancy, of course. Just a little something to sum up my story ’cause you have to grab the reader in one hot second.
Today, I’m sharing my prospective titles IF I ever found myself with nothing else to do and stopped for a period of time to find myself interesting enough to talk about for 3oo or so pages. Maybe you’ll come up with your own ‘what if’ titles for yourself. I think it’s good reflective time. You might be more full of yourself than I am. I don’t know. I’d have to read your story and tell you if it was worth the effort you put into it or should you have devoted your time to something else. Not that I’m an expert or nothing.
Like, say for instance, if all you’ve ever done is gone to school, got knocked up and your mama was ranting in public about stuff she knows nothing about, Bristol, that ain’t a reason for a book. That’s just all the more reason for you to stop being fast in the tail and rush over to the local Home Depot for a carton of duct tape for your mama. Live long enough to have some dirt on you that we can really talk about, where you can share some real life lessons. For the time being, just go on a campaign to some schools and call it, Keep Your Legs Shut Real Tight.
I was in this writing group some umpteen years ago and this woman wrote a memoir. Not only did she write one but she had three of them suckers. I have to give her credit for writing three whole books as I still work on my one. I won’t take nothing away. Thing was, she was sitting there reading some pages and in the book, her character, who was her, was reflecting on some unfortunate events in her life. So, she said something about being abused. I was like, “So, when did that happen?” She said it was the time her daddy slapped her. I was like, “Was that the only time?” She said it was. I said, “That wasn’t abuse. You just got smacked ’cause your daddy wasn’t having no backtalk.”
Now, granted, I ain’t never been slapped. I know it must’ve hurt. And maybe I had it all twisted but I didn’t see it worth putting in the book since there was no series of abuse. I mean, shit, I couldn’t even remember the slap. She overplayed the whole situation, is how I saw it. I felt like slapping her for arguing the point but being that I ain’t into that sorta thing, I shut right on up. After all, I was in her house and eating her food since she was hosting the critique group. I won’t bite the feeding hand. Okay? She had a right nice spread on that table. Y’all would’ve enjoyed yourselves over there.
Anyhow, here are my ‘what if’ working titles for my memoir. While you’re looking, do feel free to share what the title(s) of the story of your life would be. Here are mine:
Ain’t This About Some Shit? – This is when I tell you about odd shit in my life; stuff that was done to me and dumb shit I’ve done to my own self; folk I’ve gotten caught up with and felt like I was a fish in a net. I hate when that happens, don’t you? Oh, don’t act like I’m the only one.
Tales of a Belle from Down Yonder – A coming of age memoir. I would start it off like this: Once upon a tale of a Belle from down yonder. I think that’s the beginning of a bestseller, given some fictional accounts here and there.
(Lordy Mercy) I’m in the Bathroom! – All the shit I have to put up with during my respite time; I take you into the upheavals of my life while I’m trying to use the toilet or take a bath. Why folk wanna talk to you while you’re in the bathroom, I never understood the attraction. Children are real good about this and I’d dedicate this one to mine.
What would be the title for the story of your life, folks?
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
That first title’s a winner…I’d run out a buy it in a heartbeat!
HM…I’m thinking my title would be:
Are You For Reals?
Probably would deal with all the strange shit I’ve come across. Plus it’s a weird little phrase that is common in the Rio Grande valley. Don’t know how it originated, but if someone here in Houston uses it, I know they’re from the border.
Oh girl. I could write a real doozy for that title.
“Are You for Reals?”
That made me chuckle. You can offer us a little snippet on your blog, yeah?
This whole place has such style. It’s such an attractive site. The portrait is wonderful. That woman rocks the long hair as well as the short, doesn’t she? I wonder why people write books about their lives if nothing really interesting or peculiar ever happened to them. At least when I write mine (titled “I got the drama from my mama”), it’s going to be plenty juicy. Like how mama taught me to faint on cue so when she left the house after a heated argument with my dad, taking all four daughters with her, I could faint so she could call my dad and say “Linda’s fainted dead away. You’re going to have to come and get us.” See, with a start like that how could I go wrong?
You got a way of telling a story that makes it interesting, Totsy. I think you’ll be very rich from your book.
Linda, Linda. Do you know how much you crack me up?!
I like that whole fainting bit. You could sure teach me a thing or two. I’d faint on cue as directed and learn how to lay my parasol aside so I don’t poke myself.
With your encouragement, I just may deliberate on the memoir. I have a tale or two up my petticoat.
Any true Southern lady needs to know how to “faint dead away” or at least have a case of the “vapors”, Totsy. When you visit me, I’ll teach you how to do it. I used to just “crumple” because it was easier on my knees. The hard part was laying there while my sisters made nasty comments about how stupid I looked laying on the sidewalk. Dumb heifers.
I love the last possible book title. The title alone is intriguing enough to make me want to read it.
I’ve played around with so many titles for my book:
Good Girls Finish Eventually
Thursday’s Child Had Further to Go Than She Imagined
I’ve Been Through the Fire and I’m Hotter than Ever
The Apple Didn’t Fall Far From the Coconut Tree
…all subtitled: Extraordinary Lessons from an Ordinary Life.
What do you think?
Oh, the stories I could tell you. Seems like I have to cut my little business short on account of the the busyness happening outside my bathroom door.
I like the Apple falling from the Coconut Tree title. You wouldn’t need a subtitle with that one. Just put ‘A Memoir’ and you’re on your way to a bestseller. You definitely have to write yours.
I’d definitely buy the last one! It’s be fully of laughs, I know.
As for me, it’s something I haven’t thought about. Never thought my life was that interesting or had any lessons for anyone — we’ve been inundated with books about life lessons, I have nothing new to add to that pile.
Now that I think about it, my life has been about reinventing and juggling, especially jobs. I’m usually doing 5 different jobs, none even remotely connected to the other. Juggling As Fast As I Can? You’ve given me something to ponder. Thanks, Totsy!
Yep, name your book. You could easily integrate your story in all your travels with photos and all. Why not?
You know, I did a photo book recently. Really liked it and it got me thinking of doing more. Why not, eh?
Love this line: “That’s just all the more reason for you to stop being fast in the tail and rush over to the local Home Depot for a carton of duct tape for your mama.” Wow. You give new meaning to the words “Character voice.”
Two things:
1) There’s a story here — you must tell it.
2) Consider writing your story, then deciding on the title. Sometimes it works out better that way.
Blessings, Totsy.
Why, being southern and all, I just can’t take all the credit for character voice and whatnot. I simply woke up one fine day and was talking with a twang you wouldn’t believe. I don’t think there’s any medicine for it either.
(Siiiigh)
I shall ponder a few snippets and see what comes of it one of these days.
You do that, and I’ll be here on the other side waiting to see what arrives
On another note, I nominated you for an award in my post from today. Hope you don’t mind
Ms Olsen….where is your blog?
Hi Jueseppi,
My blog is located at Thislittlelight516.wordpress.com
I’d have to wait until everybody dies before I could spill the juicy bits.
Oh no, you can’t wait. I want some juice!
My Title would be; Man Who Fell To Earth Wearing One Red Shoe.
“Fell from Earth Wearing One Red Shoe”?
First off, where ya gonna fall to? Secondly, why a red shoe? Thirdly, what happened to the other shoe? Fourthly, how in the world did you wind up falling?
Fall to EARTH
Red Shoes is my pimpin shoes
Other shoe lost durin pimpin
The angels got upset about a dice game…kicked me out of heaven.
You are rapidly becoming one of my favourite light reads
.
She is a genius Mark…talent up the wazoo.
I wish!
Thanks so much, Mark.
I get to smile today.
As do I – each time I take the time to catch up on your latest post
.
Totsy, I suspect your ‘belle from down yonder’ would be a runaway bestseller. Mine would probably be named, ‘In spite of superstition’, which given the broken mirrors and ladders I’ve walked under, I’m lucky to be alive.
My life is much to boring for a memoir… that’s why I like fiction.
I do like the idea if inventing a title though. I’ll ponder that. Maybe it will inspire me to be more interesting.
I prefer fiction too. I just like the idea of challenging myself to make up something from practically nothing.
Totsy, you’ve got a “fingerprint” that has a hook.
Like a comedian, you know how to expose the stuff that most people only think about, but wouldn’t dare to discuss.
If that is your natural style, I sure could see #3 being a title!
Some of my readers who are writers have encouraged me to put my stories in book form, but the reason I started blogging is because I am a story teller, not a book writer.
I really dislike reading short stories, but blogging is not a bunch of short stories. We writers gets in there with a delightful serving of self – sometimes directly and sometimes indirectly.
Good luck on your decision…
No, I couldn’t see a memoir coming out of me. Not unless it was a graphic novel type of memoir. Even then, I don’t see when I’d have time. I’d thought about it before but I think other things I could do are far more interesting than writing about myself.
I’d call mine “When the Hell Did THAT Happen” ‘cus that’s what I think when I look in the mirror and see a face that’s too old for my soul!
You have to walk around with a compact and a watch to know. I know it’s vain but when it’s all said and done, that’s all a girl’s got left.
The bathroom as the setting for the opener with shouting through the door and fake vomitting sounds and “Oh my, God, was that your new pantyhose that just went down the toilet?” works for me!
Panty hose down the toilet? Does that happen to you on the regular? You may wanna call yours ‘Unsolved Mysteries of the Strangest Kind.’
Came by via Linda, love Esme!
All those titles are great,, especially the first. The last one reminds me of a sign my hubby posted on the bathroom door once because my kids always wanted me when I was in the bathroom!
Oh, glad you met and liked Esme. Linda gave her the perfect name.
That first title could get through about 10 pages with a current situation. I must be a glutton for punishment, not learning my lesson or something.
Did the sign work? I should do the same, seeing that a closed door doesn’t work.
Maybe it would have had they been old enough to read! Still, it was a cute idea even if it didn’t bring me any peace!
Totsy, I’m actually working on a memoir (not the Road Taken series) about my childhood, and I can’t think of a title to save my life! I can write pages and pages, but to come up with a title is so tough for me!
Hey, be sure to stop by my blog and Bella’s One Sister’s Rant so you can add your two cents to the One Shot, Two Stories post. Won’t be the same without your flair, girl!
Most times, the title comes first, which guides the writing for me. When they don’t, it’s really hard for me to come up with one.
‘Once upon a tale of a Belle from down yonder’ … great opening for your memoirs, going straight to the top of the bestseller list, Totsy.
My memoirs? Me thinks the best is yet to come (my excuse for holding off), but to date life’s been seriously left of centre and frequently weird and wonderful. Ingolf is reading your blog over my shoulder at The Fantastic Plastic Cafe and says I should title my memoirs ‘Good Golly Miss Molly” – huh!
cheers catchul8r molly
Frequently Weird and Wonderful sounds good to me, Molly. Subtitle: A Good Golly Miss Molly Adventure Tale.
“”Ain’t This About Some Shit?”"
Yep. This is it, Tots. Xxx For Sure,
I so wish that wasn’t the case but I think you’re right.
If the Depth of Shit Varies Why is My Head Always Under It?
Prolific title you have there.
OK, “Ain’t This About Some Shit?” will definitely sell books! LOL! I laughed so hard upon reading this post! “Fast in the tail”?! I love the humor of this post…of your writing, for that matter. The style in which you bring your characters to life draws me in each time…takes me right into the moment.
I’m not sure what I would title my novel yet, but this post definitely has me thinking. I’m still toying with the idea of whether to call mine a memoir or not. The word itself conjures up a long bore! In the meantime, I’ll just keep writing.
Yes, I can see the entertainment when reading it but in real life, it can be quite a booger, girl. It’s suppose to be less complicated now but I guess I haven’t learned anything from my misfortunes. I must write sentences the way I did in grade school. “I will not…”
You’re right. Memoir is a boring kinda word. There must a quite a visual on the cover to make me interested.
I’ve always wanted to interview Bill Clinton re his ridiculously titled memoir “My Life”. My opening question would be “Well Mr. President, what’s the book about?”
Good starter question. If he hadn’t said it, none of us would know. He’s so brilliant and all.
You have a winner with “Ain’t This About Some Shit?”
I would have to write mine as a serial. At least one would have to be named: “And you are asking me this…why?” Of course, the dedication page would read: “If all your brains were nitroglycerin, it wouldn’t blow the head off a piss ant.”
Red.
Totsy,
I like the first title best, “Ain’t this about some shit?” That sums it up very nicely for me. In fact, it reminds me one of my favorite sayings, “The World is a Ghetto.”
Yes, I love that song.
As for me, I believe I would try for one of the following:
1. The Woman Unleashed
2. Ravings From The Edge
3. Left of Center
4. Musings on the Marvelous
It changes on any given day, you see. LOL
Oh and I love the painting, Afro and Hoops
Tots, if you were to write Bazooka fortunes, I would read them. You are wonderful, fun and oh, so wise.
Oh my lord. One slap? I’d say if she’s whining about it she needed more than one. Mwahaa! My family has nice little bubble butts from all the whippin’ goin’ on through the generations, not that we didn’t deserve it or anything. Love your titles!