"Oprah" Watercolor on Paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae
Folks, you wouldn’t believe the process I’ve been through over the last few weeks. I won’t even tell you about one of the medical tests, I’m so utterly embarrassed even in my own mind to think of it. You know, being southern and all, I can’t rightly disclose this bit of information. Let’s just say this is one of those days of me feeling like keeping a little something in the closet.
I had a cousin to tell an auntie of mine something one time and the news spread like a California wildfire, I’m telling you. My cousin said she told that woman something and before she could even get out the door good, my auntie had told EVERYBODY. I think it’s a special gift to be such a big gossip and still have the ability to hold on to friends who keep telling you stuff. This same auntie is sweet as peach cobbler, if that’s your thing ’cause it ain’t mine, would rip the shirt off her back and give it to you but loves herself a good gossip session. Literally, she absolutely glows at the thought of a piece of news coming her way. Folks, I don’t care how much they say they won’t tell her anything, always find themselves telling her everything. It’s really confounding, this kinda charm she has over them.
She spread a rumor about me once but it didn’t get nowhere. Even had her husband over there, propped in front of the TV, with no teeth in his mouth, bumping his gums about shit he didn’t know nothing about. They’re right nice folk though. Will greet you at the door with a hug, like southern folk do, and throw you dead under the bus. My sister calls this same aunt, Oprah, ’cause she knows all too well how to go in and get the scoop and dress it in such a fashion to make it interesting to everybody ’cause she’s funny as all get out. I think every family has an Oprah.
Folk complain and say, “I aint’ telling her shit else,” and I’m always like, “Oh yes, you will ’cause that’s just the kinda shit you do.” That’s the beauty of the whole relationship, ain’t it? Next thing you know, Aunt Oprah’s got the story and then some. And realize when folk get older, they go back into their second childhood. Well, she and another auntie of mine found themselves arguing over who got the best birthday present from one of their sisters and it’s one simple thing after another. I told my mom they’d all miss that very thing about her should anything ever happen.
While my sister calls her Oprah, she’s always been Maude to me. All that sassy attitude and whatnot. Maybe you’ve got one of them too. If I’d told her about the intensity of this physical I’ve undergone, Aunt Oprah-Maude would put her spin on it and have me on an IV in the intensive care unit. Gotta love her though.
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
This is just too funny! It is said that the only thing that travels faster than the speed of light is gossip – and some folks have a double PhD in spin-doctoring, kinda like some of my relatives in Virginia…
I think people like this have misplaced gifts. Some, as my aunt, really are good people. She just have this thing about, like an alcoholic who’s prone to drinking. What can I say?
I hope that whatever poking and prodding the medical people are doing end up helping, at least!
Gotta love the family grapevine. Some of us are scattered far and wide, yet somehow the gossip travels the country. I wish I was that talented, to be able to gossip and still have people talk to me!
It really is a skill because you have to be equipped with an endearing personality and have other positive qualities. I’m sorry, you must not be the Chosen One for such a task. You must also possess exceptional energy and a quick wit. No, such a position isn’t for everyone.
And nothin like a good ole “organ” recital to get um goin
Yes, some make very good use of their organs. If you don’t use it, you lose it, remember?
I have a neighbor like that. She blabs away about everybody in the entire hood. Now, that would be okay (I guess) but half these folks I don’t even know. And I never kid myself either. She talks about me too. She’s sweet and pleasant but tells me things like “So and so is sleeping with so and so’s husband” and so and so is in the closet, and so and so’s kid is seeing a shrink, and so and so is an alcoholic. Now, really, I don’t want to hear this stuff. It’s hurtful gossip. And I dont’ even know the people she talks about. Give me a break. I finally told her that I didn’t want to hear about folks I don’t really even know, and it hurt her feelings. Go figure.
That’s funny, playing hurt and all. I’m sure it broke her heart. She can’t be thin-skinned if she wants to play the game, however.
Your Aunt Oprah sounds like a character. She sure has a way with people if they continually bare the souls to her knowing their secrets won’t be kept.
Hope you’re doing okay?
Yes, she is. I think there must me a hypnosis session first and then the beans come tumbling out.
Yes, I’m well. Thanks.
ha, what a peach (cobbler) of a post, tots! My special fave bits .. her glowing at the thought of a piece of news coming her way and the two sisters fighting over who got the best present. What a laugh!
They’re funny to me too. I laugh at these little stories, coming to me from the family grapevine. I do enjoy the funny stuff but not so much when something unfortunate has happened.
I sure hope all the poking and prodding is done for you, unless of course the Doctor looks like Denzel. So, you think Aunt Oprah puts everyone in some kind of spell where they cannot resist telling all their secrets. It’s as good a theory as anything else when it comes to unexplainable things like that.
Why would she be spreading a rumor about you? What happened afterward when you found out?
I don’t think they can help themselves anymore than she can break the habit. It’s just the nature of the relationship.
There doesn’t have to be a reason for a rumor. It’s just a gift. I said it never went anywhere because it took took too long to get back to me. Like, a few years. So, I did nothing, realizing that if there’s nothing to gossip about, she’d create a story.
Maude was one of my favorite shows way back when, so your auntie must be a gem. She sounds like a hoot. I love how she would have turned your medical exam into some dire catastrophe. Very funny!
Oh, she’s a gem and a hoot. Yes, she’s quite the storyteller.
Lovely post Totsymae. It really is funny how people like your aunt survive. I think maybe it’s because they’re so affable no one seems to take offence or if they do it’s soon forgotten, especially when the offended needs the next bit of gossip doing the rounds.
As to personal examinations I may be a man but I can assure you it’s always the Dr’s with the largest fingers that seem to carry them out lol. I still wince thinking about it
Thanks, Nigel.
She’s so likeable, people do easily forgive her.
Lotta blood work and stuff. I think it’s over.
forgot to mention how much I love the watercolor
Thank you.
That was a frustrating piece.
I hope you are well. Medical tests are so frustrating. I don’t like being poked and prodded. I also don’t like being talked about. I’ve had to learn who in my family I can share things with and still keep them relatively private.
Yes, I’m well. Thank you.
I don’t worry about the talking so much. I just avoid it. I know that’s pretty normal. So, long as I keep that in mind, I know what to say and what not.
what’s that saying…only tell folks things you don’t mind the whole world knowing…hope you are well!
Certain people that would apply to, I think.
Yes, I’m well. Thanks.
—- “I aint’ telling her shit else,” and I’m always like, “Oh yes, you will ’cause that’s just the kinda shit you do.”—
HaaaaaahaaaaaaaahHAaa.
Aunt Oprah reminds me of the Sisto Clan.
Great Post, Tots. Great Art work of Queen O.
xxx
Thank you.
Uh oh, the entire clan?
“Will greet you at the door with a hug, like southern folk do, and throw you dead under the bus.”
Hilarious!
The first peson that comes to mind is my MIL. She will talk about you while you’re in the same room with her, muttering under her breath to the person next to her. She has a way of getting you to think that the whole world’s crazy ‘cept yout two, builds up your confidence in her, and BAM! next think you know, you feel the verbal diarrhea coming on.
it’s an art, I tell you.
You hit the nail. It is an art.
Tots, think about it: how could you possibly be actually biologically related to these aunties without their being the way you describe them? Come on, girl: ‘fess up. Don’t tell us you do not relish some really colorful tidbits overheard at work in the ladies’ room if you think the gossipers there never knew you were in there? Or maybe I am just telling on myself? Where do you think I get half my ideas for various critterly episodes in my posts? Tots, now you have me laughing at myself! A GOOD thing, right? However, I do empathize with your not feeling it safe to share your medical details with those aunties! This NW Alabama town where I live has had me pregnant twice AFTER I was done with “the change”! Another Sarah, I am NOT!
A little gossip ain’t all bad but many times, it’s so damaging. I’m not saying I don’t gossip. I’m not innocent but it can also get out of hand.
Yes, it’s good for writing character stuff. I hope the babies are doing well.
Great and entertaining post. You gotta love family.
Thanks.
Yep, gotta love’em.
You wanna get it out there? Run for public office. When the press got done relating that was given to them which they published without ever questioning me, I would have to be 700 years years old do have done just 1% of what I was accused.
That’s a good idea. Think I’ll stop making the yard signs in that case.
[...] 3. TotsyMae [...]
This is so true!! Why is it we can know someone will share our deepest secrets with anybody they can find to listen to them for five minutes, yet we can’t seem to stop the words flying out of our mouths?
Love the painting of Oprah.
I’ve done that before. Not with my aunt but it happened but I so still regretted not keeping my trap shut.
Reblogged this on adultcollegestudents and commented:
This is.Great ! I agree every.familyhad has an z oprah
Thanks. I saw it on your blog. You must REALLY know some Oprahs.
I know some people who can only find the will to get out of bed in the morning to see what the rumor mill is grinding out. I don’t get it. I had a friend who would call me with the latest rumors my ex’s family was spreading about me or stuff she heard he was up to. I finally asked her to stop.
My motto: Take the high road. There are fewer people up there to run into you!
And some it isn’t even gossip. It’s just little nit-picky stuff when the rumor mill is slow. Always dredging up the ex isn’t a good idea. I don’t why people don’t get that.
Totsy, you are so wise, and right of course in everything. But it particularly struck me when you said that’s what everybody’d miss should something happen. My Aunt Ruth was annoying in a similar manner, and ignorant as anyone I’ve ever known. But she was a hoot and it is that ability to spread her humor that I miss, even though I could not stand her!
Hope you are well and that the pokes and prods have stopped or taken a sabbatical. I’ve had probs in the lower half most of my life and have long since stopped being embarrassed. Goes with the territory.
That is a strange kind of feeling with the type of absences we miss when people are gone. The thing is, one can count on certain behaviors from people but you just never know when it’ll come or sometimes, how strong the dose will be. Though, who wouldn’t miss the humor. Certainly, it’s one of the better parts of the person.
Yes, I’m well, thankfully. The thing with medical tests, you never know until you know. So, it all turned out well. Thanks.
Totsymae,
It’s just too much lol. If the post didn’t kill me, the video surely would. You are absolutely right, every family has one. Mine is my mother. My sister and I believe that she has diarrhea of the mouth and would truly be dangerous if she had a wider circle of friends. Thank God, she’s a misanthrope.