Co-Worker: One who works with another for paid compensation
Expanded Definition
2) a sloth who watches others work; nonproductive being who always has change for vending machine; drags feet when walking; one with special ass-sitting skills
3) an individual always on the lookout for free shit; shameless in taking office party leftovers home for family meals
4) a male or female who sleeps with boss or others for self-indulgent purposes; skillful in locating discrete hideouts to screw on job; say they are prone to cold sores but everyone knows the real deal
5) one who has an affinity for licking ass; has foul breath but never accepts breath mints when kindly offered
"Sailor Man" Acrylic on Paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae
6) a person who acquires position through family connections with little or no skills and always engaged in office politics
7) a man or woman whom you enjoy seeing the back of at the end of each work day
8) a skinny heifer who believes her smallness allows her to wear anything but has flat ass, knobby knees, curved spine or very pale skin and frequently wears mini skirts
9) a new, arrogant son of a bitch who knows nothing about job and placed as manager; talks masterfully about topics nobody cares about and tells dry jokes that insecure people laugh at; usually a Caucasian or African American male who has Ivy League education
10) one who enjoys the office more than their dysfunctional home and sits for meaningless conversation after hours rather than go to therapy because they have prayed about their situation(s) with their pastor; typically an overweight African American female
11) a man and woman who complains to one another and will probably end up having bad, regrettable sex together
12) an incessant gossip who was raised in a dysfunctional home whose mission is to wreak havoc and spread misery but has great interpersonal skills
13) a bitch who appears to be perpetually on the rag and is having little or no sex because she sucks in bed
14) an all-around nice male or female whom you really like but wonder if he/she is happy because you sense an underlying sadness
15) a man or woman who seldom talks to other people in the workplace because it’s toxic; not well liked and often spoken badly of because he/she does not reveal personal business in a professional environment; often called bitch or bastard because she/he is professional and sticks to business
16) one who has no gumption to speak up; complains to people who have no power to change anything; typically not promotable and lacks motivation; will usually continue the behavior until retirement age and become a greeter at Wal Mart to stay active
17) a person who is overly eager to go to work due to a deficient social life; lives alone in a one bedroom apartment with a cat; has paid off burial insurance, which is stored in a lockbox at bank
18) a person, mostly female, who takes liberties stealing office supplies and sends children to public schools
"Sailor Man II" Acrylic on Paper. Copyright 2012. Totsymae
19) a person who is territorial with space and objects within the workplace that do not belong to them; probably was forced by human resources to get direct deposit because their banking system was at a check cashing booth; typically a person who resides in a trailer park or housing project
20) a tight wad who maxes out at three dollars when funds are collected for others in crisis; usually a very skinny man or woman
21) a lonely soul who thinks her children are gorgeous when they are everything but; constantly nagging people to view latest photos and talking about them because husband sleeps around
22) a person you imagine you could put on a ski mask for and whip his or her ass in a dark alley
23) a person you keep befriending who constantly betrays your trust and undermines your good intentions; this type person is often called stupid; unaccustomed to good people and sings in the church choir
24) a person who is positive and everyone adores, with ability to make others laugh; has a routine of going outside for breaks and lunch to smoke weed and loves Gummy Bears; usually an African American male that everyone wants to sleep with, including other males
25) a woman who wears tight-fitted clothing and shows cleavage when a new male is hired: was perhaps a prostitute in former life; usually has long blonde hair or a homemade weave, a big booty and wears red/orange lipstick
26) somebody you’d never invite to your home because he/she has openly discussed previous lawsuits; has extensive knowledge of legal system; typically, this is somebody named after an alcoholic beverage
27) one who initiates a coffee club; will have a blow-out with non-contributors; forms bitching circles to talk about the non-contributors; acts haughty with a cup of caffeine in hand and thinks they are better than smokers
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
You know Totsy, #23 can very well be applied to me, even thou I am not an African American male….. but everyone adores me, hahahaha Once again perfect wake up call! Thank you!
ALL of it applies to you? Hmmm…You get your laugh on then, girl. I ain’t mad at cha.
You gottem pegged alright. What about the environmentalist that organizes the car pool? In everyone’s car but his own. #4 worked out fairly well for me back in the day. It was no secret. Esp when you both call in sick on the same day all the time.
You’re right. Those are the “three dollar” folk but with a little education.
Umph, umph, umph…Carl getting his groove on. I ain’t mad at you either.
You been spying on me? I’m taking the Fifth on which of these applies to ME – but I have [finger quotes] worked with most of these peeps at one time or another.
You wouldn’t be a number 11, would you? Hehehee!
Oh, I’ve worked with them, been one of them and seen it too many times. I’ve been a complainer and I forgot to put the practical joker. I’ve taken a few office supplies too but that’s back when students really were learning something. I don’t have to do it anymore.
I’ve worked with just about every one of them. Nice paintings!!!
Thanks
I’m sure you’ve seen all manner of folk, being a probation officer. The stories you could tell…
Sometimes I get lonely working at home by myself, but I have worked with a lot of these types in the past. Thanks for reminding me that being alone is much better.
I’ve had that lonely feeling too and then I got a job. Then, I left the job…The workplace can be infested with so much that has nothing to do with work or having an overall good spirit toward other people. Best to find a way to make working at home work for you.
I’m with Shary here, working alone saves you from the misfortune of spending time with most of these types. Great post!
Thank you.
It’s a bad kinda nostalgia that I’m trying to keep a sense of humor about. One must laugh at the ills of humanity to keep a bit sanity.
I never saw you at my last job, but Totsy, you must have worked there too. We had the office manager sleeping with the president (both married of course), we had the religious right folks, we had the office “poke”, and the “old boys club” of engineers who played poker all afternoon every afternoon in the president’s office with the office manager. Fun times, I’ll tell ya!
The ole boys club is a tough surface to scratch. I know you don’t miss those days.
that’s a long list – my blog started with the theme “lighten up most of us work with a few clowns short of a circus”. You must be working at the full circus to have that many co-workers.
number 21 is my favorite
Let’s say, I’ve had my share of clowns and some of them rode the short bus.
Do you not like co-workers?!
There are some benefits to being a freelancer/temp – and you’ve just cemented it for me with this post. Thanks, Totsymae.
Not all of them.
You’re in a good spot with freelancing. Though I have to say, I managed to gain a few friends who were co-workers. But I also have to add, in my defense, some of these folk are people I heard of at the water cooler. All humorous observations, basically.
So, how many of these people do you work with? I’m trying to think of a few other definitions, but I think you got them all covered!
They’ve trickled in and out of my work life. I did know of an incident of the coffee drinkers having a blow-out. Thankfully, I’m not a coffee drinker but I found the tales of the event quite funny. I didn’t know it was that serious, this coffee drinking business. I chuckle to think back on it.
Jeepers… I feel as though you just got a whole lot of stuff of your chest
Made for interesting reading !
I suppose I was in the right places at the right times to make such observations. Good fodder for blog talk and spinning a quick tale or two. Don’t hate.
Tots, I am not supposed to make loud, cackling noises or howl with glee in my current location. Yet, I went ahead and opened this post and read every wonderfully hilarious word, anyway. I really stop torturing myself this way. (tee.hee!) You are SUCH a guru of personality traits, you know that? Maybe there are one or two of your readers out there who have been so blessed as to NOT have worked with these types of folks! Laughter is such good medicine. You have cured me for quite some time to come!
There you go again, Granbee.
I guess I’m just lucky that way, meeting all of these “interesting” folk. Now, I get to share them with great bloggers and readers, as yourself. I really do try to see all angles of a situation and people but more often than not, I rape folk of their good traits. My dark and wicked side, I suppose.
Hello Totsy. I’ve been lurking for a while now, but this one made me laugh and I had to comment. Please tell me you didn’t work with all of them in the same company!
Well, thank you for stopping by, Nicky.
I gather these are folk you stumbled on in your work life too. Now, what you need to do is type up each description and slip them to the co-worker they apply to and hang around to catch they reactions.
No. They weren’t all in one place at once, to my knowledge. God only gives you what you can handle and I’d gave gone batty with all that.
So glad you found me because now I found you. I love your art and I intend to look at more of your work. As for co-workers, I don’t miss them. I work alone at home now and it’s nice.
Thank you, Kew. You’re a lucky one to be doing your work solo.
I must work harder toward that very thing. I gather it’s VERY nice if you’re in a cold state and dealing with cold winters.
Great stuff! Here’s a couple more that occur in the Australian bush: the one who takes his clinking briefcase to the stairwell (more seen in the past, now I think of it) and the one who snaffles the highest-back chair and sleeps in it turned to the wall every afternoon.
I suppose they grab these high-back chairs and nap during lunchtime? Must be working folk mighty hard over there that they race for the nap chair. Hmmm….
I’ve worked with my fair share of crazies. They seemed to find me. I once worked at this clothing store in Manhattan where the owner decided to give me a manager title but no raise…then he told me that part of my new job description was to tell the other employees that they were using too much toilet paper in the company bathroom. Like an idiot, I did and never heard the end of it from my co-workers. One guy actually brought his own and labeled it. Don’t miss those days. Funny Funny post, Totsy!
Toilet paper? Good grief, Annie. You’ve been holding out on us. I didn’t know you had Toilet Papering Managing Skills. Now, there’s a ticky mark I’ll bet you always fail to ad to your resume that’s kept you from lucrative employment. LOL!!! My goodness, you had me laughing with this one!
I think you pretty much covered all of the bases Totsy. With your talent, your only co-worker may just be the paintbrush and some good light very soon.
I sure hope so. Soon and very soon. And thank you for your vote of support and belief in it happening.
22) a person you imagine you could put on a ski mask for and whip his or her ass in a dark alley
ahhh, I can think of this very mean lady right now I’d like to kick. Xx
Those are the worse ones, I’d say. They are generally mean people and not skillful in dealing with people, to a point that you care so very little about them. It’s a very challenging place to be in as a person who generally cares about all people, so I feel you on that for sure.
Oh my, Totsy, what a great list. Imagine if you’d find this in the dictionary. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it and captured just about every type of worker out there.
Can you do one for bosses?
Oh yes, much thought. Amazing how people are so liberal in being who they are and able to offer this kind of material for me to write about. In dealing with some people at work, I’d simply look at them as if they were on television strictly for my entertainment. In some cases, it was a nice way to remove myself from the drama.
I guess if I had to choose a path, I’d try hard to strive for #6. Nepotism is the way to go. Yep, easy pickings just by being related…
Oh wait! My family doesn’t have any wealthy enterprises I can immediately
sponge off ofer… I mean work for in an executive capacity. Dammit!Looking at all the other options, that’s the way to go. Didn’t quite work out for a co-worker who was hired to work for me, however. That would be Stacie, if you recall her from on of the character sketches, who was beating up on special needs students.
LMAO….You really need to come out with your own dictionary.
Hmmm…:-)
I demand more words!
Oh, this made my day.
Hehehehee! Did you recognize any of your co-workers, Lyne? I’ll pray for you the way people did for me
Totsymae – You sure have a unique way of looking at people and you see things that others probably don’t. You have here a great outline for dark comedy TV series.Makes me want to re-evaluate my office populace – if I look harder I may see things I missed.
Like a dark version of The Office? Hehehe!
Yeah, go back and check, unless you’re working with some REALLY great people. I wouldn’t want to be the only one this lucky.
You just described several of my co-workers. Sounds like you might have a spy in my office.
All kinds of folk to make the world go round, until it start spinning to give a headache.
Hi tots, I’ve just awarded you The Liebster Blog award. Come over my place to get it x
Oh, my. I haven’t been too forthright in not participating in awards but I have a page on my blog explaining that. I will, however, post new blogs I’ve come across before the month is out, and yours is definitely one I want to shine a light on. Thank you for considering me. I appreciate it.
Oh yeh, I see that page now. Got it, tots. You’re welcome. I’m enjoying your work.
Rofl!
No 15 – that’s me to a ‘T’
Refuse to socialise with co-workers out of office hours, don’t chat about my private life, and absolutely refuse to befriend them on facebook !!!
Like other folk that have commented on this post, I recognise a lot of the characteristics you describe as applying to some of my co-workers (past and present). Indeed, some of my co-workers embody several of these characteristics in themselves