Stay-At-Home Dad (SAHD): A father who is the main caregiver of the children and is the homemaker of the household
"Father of the Son" Acrylic on Paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae
Also known as BATC (Boo at the Crib), SIBA (Schlong in Blue Apron), HDWD (Honey Do with Duster), BOTR (Britches on the Rag), or HBIK (Hard Buns in Kitchen)
Expanded Definition
2) a male who works from home as an entrepreneur while wife works outside the home; can be found wearing silk boxers and wife beater while vacuuming; an excellent cook and master griller; clips coupons and trades with other SAHDs; does not buy Styrofoam and developed special recycling system for neighborhood that will be heard in congress; always a Caucasian male
3) a male who is voted president of PTA; someone who has need to run an organization to feel vital since he is not employed; teaches himself software technology to help out where children attend school; typically married to a feminist who has slight underarm musk and does not wear make-up
4) one who does not receive paid wages from any source and puts forth no effort to do so; tends to play video games and allows children to join until nap time; loves Hostess Twinkies and all manner of junk foods, which can always be found in baby’s diaper bag
5) a male feminist who has bought into propaganda that woman is capable of being president; can be found sitting in public park on playdates with other SAHDs; in certain company, will drag out words in whiny manner; most likely a closet homosexual who angers when referenced as “the gay guy”
6) a man who lands it big by marrying a woman who has no problem being pimped; thinks highly of past sexual exploits; may perform sexual acts in marital bed with other women while children are in school; skilled in making sandwiches from cold cuts and microwave pizza with frozen Ore Ida French Fries on the side
7) a male who is not mechanically inclined; has no shame in calling repairmen to fix appliances; amazed to see a female repair person and puts business card in a private area for, hopefully, personal use; thinks of her ass while making love to wife
8) a man who rebels against being called SAHD because he feels he should be breadwinner; will make effort to clean and cook but looking at baskets of laundry and whipping up meals is akin to staring down barrel of gun; has no idea bleach should not go in colored wash; frightened of future and attends Sunday church service at wife’s insistence
9) Todd, Sarah Palin’s husband; appears really busy but made mess with shady business dealings; uses wife’s position to manipulate others; not well-respected because he is a SAHD; usually unkempt and displays discomfort in public places
10) a retired male married to a significantly younger woman whom he shared sperm with; loves tending yard, driving to Home Depot and junkyards for more shit to put in garage; may work on cars in driveway for income and only takes cash as payment; does not quite know what made him agree to making child at this stage in life because he’s too old for this shit
11) a man with comfortable financial means who is fathering solo for whatever reason; highly sought after by single women; usually good looking, plays golf and works out; deliberates a serious relationship but may become awkward and shy away because the children are not having it; takes very long showers and scans Facebook for virtual relationships
12) a gay male who acquires children with life partner through adoption or artificial means; loves pushing baby stroller at zoo, having picnics and watching cooking channels; aspires to be a professional chef but life partner won’t allow it; fantasizes of having affair with a sexy male soap opera star
13) an aspiring rough-neck; looks for quick money schemes; usually around 35ish, wears saggy jeans with hat to back and Yankee jersey that hangs to knees; tries to get in rap industry and hangs out with boyz late at night spinning beats from studio his boy got a hook up with for two hours on low-low; saving for gold grill and rims; always a black male and most likely from Atlanta by way of Mississippi
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Priceless, Totsy! #2 with the always causasian and the one with the underarm musk and the one with the words in the whiny manner and … and … and… So good. Made my night. Thanks.
Hehehehe! Glad to be of service.
You pretty much covered all bases with that one. Like the painting.
Thanks. Surprised you didn’t add to it.
For crying out loud, Totsy. This is so stupidly funny I need to get a grip. Not that I was ever married to a SAHD.
U
Naturally, that should have been “stupendously funny” but then I know you don’t like fancy words.
U
You’re in the safety zone. I know what stupendous means. But yeah, it can sound a tad haughty amongst my common friends. Stupidly would actually be spelled with “oo” instead of the “u” in some circles.
A subset of these is the man “working on his novel” which apparently requires vast amounts of time “researching” online porn sites.
Loved this!
Oh yeah, the ‘working on my craft’ line, with one hand on the mouse and the other on the johnson.
Orange juice burns when it comes through the nose – I should’a known better than to try to sip it when reading your column.
Oops…You didn’t know?…Hehehehe!
Priceless! I remembered another one, an unemployed musician who remains unemployed and doesn’t practice whenever he feels “bad vibrations” which upset him so much, and that would be pretty much all the time.
A good one too…Those mood workers who have to feel something int he universe.
Hilarious!
Hehehee! Glad you liked, Ariana.
Clever, clever, clever! And I love the painting.
Thank you, Lorna. Define Buddhist for us.
We have a lot of those SAHD’s in Cali. Woman goes to work, he goes to the playground and sits with the hired nannies. They all think he’s cute. Never had one myself. Never would. First order of business for any man to me is that he has a JAY OH BEE. If not, keep right on walking.
Painting is awesome!
Must be a regional thing. I understand there the job market if flexible in their offerings or, non-offerings, for that matter. In the case of a dad at home, I see where it’s works fine when a guy is working from home but to only be a homemaker, that’s tough on the eye in my part of the world.
Tots, once again, my stomach hurts from laughing; my throat hurts from shouting “huzza, huzza”; and my arm is sore from pumping in hearty agreement. But you MUST have been following around some of my childhood acquaintances: that last line about the “always a Black male arriving in Atlanta by way of Mississippi.” –just the BEST, girl! Stay-at-home dad, househusband, male caregiver, male nurturer, live-in chef…the Gen X labels go on and on and on!
I hurt your stomach? Well, I didn’t mean no harm.
More men than women have been laid off during this recession and all the outsourcing has led to greater unemployment among men that contributes to this family life style. Children are too dependent on parents these days in the first place. When I was a kid I was working at the steel mill when I was 4 and then switched over to running the numbers for Big Sal when I was 5.
Yeah, outsourcing is a reality but so is creating a job. I guess it’s a hard concept for me to grasp, this whole thing with SAHDs. But hey, if it works, who am I?
–Tots,
the painting is truly Exquisite.
—SAHD’s are becoming quite the norm nowadays.
I think it’s pretty cool as long as the house is SPOTLESS & He’s not running around with the pretty big boobed stay at home blonde who lives next door..
XX
Spotless or not, it’s a strange reversal of roles and sorta feminizes the male gender, You know, me being from the south and all, I can’t rightly see a Southern Belle bringing in ALL the bread and butter. God designed men to be men, not to hold a duster.
I am with you, Totsy: God, presumably being a woman, did not design men to hold a duster. I don’t want men to hold dusters either: It’s most unbecoming. And that is where gay guys come in handy.
U
This is the painting that caught my eye. I thought it was oil but no. Love your style.
Love the artwork and seriously, we need to get this in Websters
Love your SAHDs, Tots. Girl, you know your stuff!
You have left nothing out! It’s all here–like a manifesto! I say you publish a Wikipedia with the information contained here! Brilliant!