Should you ever see me in public and I, unfortunately, happen to have a booger in my nose, let a sistah know what’s up. I tend to think I’m cute and try to work IT when I step out from time to time. We’re in the cold season and shit will happen. Do know that if I knew I had the damn thing, I’d handle the matter but if you see it and I don’t, it then becomes your responsibility to make that information available to me. If you ain’t part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. Okay?
"Sophisticated Lady" Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2012 Totsymae
Being the southern belle I am, I tend to say good morning to folks. When I say it to you, open your mouth and show me some courtesy. You know you heard me. I saw you looking in my mouth and you still didn’t open up yours to acknowledge me? Just know that should unkind words hit the rumor mill about you, I started it.
On the other hand, should you say good morning and not hear me respond, it could very well be that it’s not a particularly good morning for me. Do not, under any circumstances, say something like, “GOOD MORNING,” in a harsh tone for me to speak back. The world don’t revolve around you. If I’m in a funk, it revolves around me at the moment. Keep in mind that my southern bell may be off and it’s not likely that speaking harshly to me will turn it on.
I don’t know why it never worked out visually for me to see women folk in public wearing sweat pants and sneakers but please, don’t do it. I, folks, despite my keep-it-real attitude, am a bit of a snob when it comes to this sorta thing. I will look at you really hard and wonder if you were raised better. I don’t care if you’re slim as a butter knife, sweats and sneakers ain’t the look you wanna have should a car back out from a parking space and hit you. Take the time to fix yourself up before you wind up on the YouTube in a compromising position. The last thing you want is me somewhere in the camera saying, “I told yo’ ass.”
If you so happen to visit my blog during a blog hop we’ve mutually joined in, don’t leave me a comment saying, “I’m stopping by for the blog hop,” and be on your merry way. That looks a tad flighty to me. Plus, it’s a waste of your time. You don’t have to sit and have a longwinded conversation with me but say something relevant. You don’t even have to mention the blog hop, as far as I’m concerned. Understand that I’m as interested in you as I want you to be in me. Extend your thoughts in a way that’ll mean something to both of us.
If we’re ever riding in a vehicle together and I happen to be the driver, let me be the driver. I took Driver’s Education in high school and while I managed to pull a ‘D’ from the class, I’m an expert after having a few accidents, not all of which were my fault. I can sense a cop on the side of the road and know when to slow down. That means I don’t need you yelling and scaring the shit outta me, telling me to go down on the brake.
Should I ever visit your home and, God forbid, you’ve got yourself a doll collection in a reserved room of your house, know that I’m no more interested in it than I am of Freddy Krueger being my boyfriend. I have never had a thing for dolls and I’m even less into a buncha them piled in a room together. Understand that I will stop being your friend should you ever introduce them to me. I’m a playful kinda person but I ain’t into the strangeness of no dolls. Not to be funny or nothing but I will assume you to be afflicted with some kinda mental illness should you invest in all of these fake folk taking up square inches in your home.
It may be best that you don’t offer me any dairy, sodium, sugar or flour-based foods if I ever come to your house. While I love me some sweets and whatnot, I’ve had to give up so much in the food area. You’d be safe in offering me a bottle of water, raisins, or unsalted nuts. Don’t think I’m haughty and get offended. It’s not you, it’s me. I’ve had to be a lot more conscious about my food choices that’s sending me toward veganism. Yeah, one of those high maintenance type folk who looks hungry all the time.
Now, if I can be of any assistance at all in helping you to fulfill resolutions on my end for you, feel free to hit me up with a comment. Let’s get this thing right so we don’t rock each others boats as we make this a happy new year.
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
I love your resolutions. Nothing grandiose, just keepin it real. I wanna be part if the solution, so I got your back. And, in all seriousness, those doll people…creepy. I’m 100% with you on that. #de-friend
My resolutions are vague, but simple I think. 1. Embrace Change, 2. Know My Worth, 3. Carpe Diem!
Happy New Year #BeHold2012
Thank you for having my back.
And yes, seriously, dolls have never been a point of interest for me. The small ones, like Barbies, are okay but that’s about as much as I can tolerate. I like your resolutions and will have to write them down for myself, if you don’t mind.
Happy New Year, Adrianna!
Okay, got your back on all those things Totsy.
For my part, if you would be so kind… Should a meat-eater attempt to sway me with pseudo- scientific reasons as to why animals need to be tortured their whole lives (and filled with all kinds of nasty chemicals and bio-agents) until they are brutally slaughtered and cut up and packaged for humans to eat, please don’t try to stop me from telling the blood sucker off. You may stand between us, though, so I don’t have to smell the stink of sadism and death. Thank you.
I agree with you. I saw Mary Kay Cosmetics doing some lab testing with rabbits some years ago and it was one of the things that turned me off from eating meat. I still did it at the time but those images of hanging those rabbits upside down wouldn’t go away. There are other cosmetic companies that don’t use animals at all, so I’m not a big fan of Mary Kay.
Sounds perfectly reasonable to me and I’m totally with you on the water/raisins/unsalted nuts thing. We’ll look 20 years younger than our peers!
Aahhhh, and here is the vegan among us. Since I am so new to this, I’ll have to do a great deal of homework to adjust to this new lifestyle. May the Force be with me and you in the new year. Have a happy one!
My, my, my, my, Totsy: Isn’t your Southern Belle in a good mood this morning. And you have barely breathed the new year a haughty kiss.
Cheer up:
I don’t have a doll collection, I don’t wear sneakers, I don’t go to exercise classes mainly because I don’t now what to wear (Coco Chanel anyone). If you don’t like what I put on the table go and scrounge through my cupboards till you are happy. Should you find mouse droppings I don’t want to know and please don’t mistake them for raisins.
I will hop into your car and let you get lost (remember: You are the driver, I am the map reader). Other than that you are at an age when you should be able to keep anything inching its way out of your nose under control.
Good morning to you, good morning to me,
U
Yes, my Southern Belle is ringing in the New Year and I feel truly fortunate to be in your great company. Thanks for taking the time out for me today, Ms. U. Good day.
Pardon me for those little thingies inching out but now that you’ve addressed it, must we go this route to test our friendship?
I usually have some roasted unsalted almonds in the house, so drop by any time.
You are a brilliant hostess. I shall drop by once my cupboards are low.
I would not mind having a “doll” collection.
Hmmm…the underlying meaning of the “doll” collection sends my mind in a naughty direction and I am trying to be good this year.
Happy New Year, SugarPlum! Okay, you’ll get the nuts and raisins when you are here. No problem. I do wear sweats, stilettos, with a cashmere sweater and subtle jade and diamond earrings set in white gold out in public. Actually, Totsy, I rock that look.
My next door neighbor, Mary, has an antique doll collection in her parlor. I think she has about 50 of them lined up with their creepy painted eyes. They are simply nasty if you ask me. I have no interest in collections of any kind. Okay, I do collect some antique oriental rugs, but I won’t talk about them to you. Ever. We will only talk about boys and fashion.
Happy New Year to You!
Oh, I know no one could rock a pair of sweats like you with those stilettos. Take those doggies with you on your outings, as you are a walking safe deposit box in heels.
I get the creeps to think of entering Mary’s house. I shall never lift a foot to enter her house, knowing what awaits. You know, people with doll collections tend to get immense pleasure from showing them off. I’m not afraid of rugs, sculptures or those type things. We can talk all day about boys and fashion.
Totsy, always take my big ugly dogs with me. People cross the street to avoid passing them. They are both actually quite sweet, but the might look a little scary if you don’t know them. Harry is such a big boy, and very protective of his mom. He won’t even let me get a boyfriend if I wanted one, which of course, I don’t. At least usually, I don’t. Hardly ever, in fact. Just once in a great while.
I’m glad Harry’s there to keep you an honest woman. You know, there aren’t many left…I mean, I’m still here, so that makes two of us so far.
Happy New Year HoneyChild!
You southern belles are surely grand and sophicated ladies!
Am so whacked-out from dashing everywhichway over the silly-season, haven’t had time to scratch-up a list, may I have a lend of your excellent resolutions to try out purrrlease Totsymae? cheers catchul8r molly
Use the resolutions as your own discretion, Molly. Glad to see you back, by the way. You were missed. A Happy New Year back at ya!
I have to say, I really love reading your blog. Your honesty & fun writing style are so much fun to read. I think your resolutions for 2012 are right on par and infinitely more interesting than “lose 10 pounds”
Thank you so kindly, Sarah. I won’t worry so much about those 10 pounds as I would about some other things.
Happy New Year to you!
In addition to telling you about stray boogers, I’ll also let you know when the back of your skirt is tucked up inside your undies on the way from the bathroom. Of course, that is if you say good morning to me first. Otherwise, all bets are off!
But I promise. No dolls.
Oh yeah, do let me know about the skirt tail stuck in my undies. It’s happened once but I was swifter back in the day, so I caught it. Now…oh yeah, help a sistah out ’cause I sho’ would appreciate it. Let me speak my good mornings right now to cover myself.
–Tots, you always write the things that people think…sort of like Seinfeld…ya know?
I get what you mean about comments…I’ve gotten some that have said ”Have a good day.”" I’m like WHO ARE YOU?!
Xx kisss. happy 2012
Happy 2012 to you and family!
I do like Seinfeld, so a good comparison I that you for.
I suppose that “have a good day” is like a virtual phone call? Who knows who they are or what they’re thinking…Like, why put in the time for that?
Mucho hugs and kisses to you on this New Year’s Day!
I so love this post. I don’t blame you about the doll collection thing. i have a problem when I go on the isle when shoping for the little one and they start talking to me. I’m like yea that some type of Chucky crap. and I use to be in dolls when I was younger. The morning part, I so feel you on that. I have a problem with a person be looking at you and you speak either by smiling or say something they look at you like the crazy. Peoples just don;t know I can be just as nasty as they next person, better enjoy me speaking when I do. lol ! i feel where you coming from with the sweat pants and shoes as well. You have me here forever agreeing with this post. God Bless You
Oh yes, the doll aisle is an unfavorite section of the store for me.
And what’s wrong with people looking you square in the mouth with the audacity to keep it moving? Hmph (folding my arms and rolling my neck)
Happy New Year and may it be a creative one!
These are great. For the record, I’ll say good morning and tell you if you have a booger or broccoli in your teeth or if your zipper’s down.
I just saw something about the sweats in public — I agree, totally. It’s such a tired look.
Happy New Year, Totsy!
Happy New Year to you! You are enjoying the sun and I am trying to stay warm. I’m green with envy.
Guys are really good for the zipper down. I do tell them with a gesture. It’s not hard to let people know. At least, I didn’t think.
The blog hop, OMG, roaring aloud here
You are the driver (I don’t like driving) in my own car so you can do that there and here, love your pages and hate sweats in public (that just couldn’t be bothered look bothers me like flannel pjs in public, wtflip) … So I’ve done my blog hop and need to hop along now, hope this is relevant enough for you, artistic soul sister, lol 
Happy 2012 xo
Oh, it’s not that I like driving. Yeah, the sweats is the look you describe quite well, unless you’re wearing stilettos and diamonds like Linda.
See you around more this new year and have a good one!
Thank for the advice in 2012, i’ll remember it and back to read ur future article
You’re welcome. Look forward to having to join me again.
I read the first one too fast, thought it was “if I happen to have a blogger in my nose”. I was going to say “blow extra hard”.
Heartily concur with the driving one.
Oh, no! Lol!! I’ve got one heck of a nose should a blogger be up there.
I love Your attitude !!!!! Got Your back – I – kinda like dolls …. But the ones i had when i was a kid – Strawberry Shortcake !- But i do Not collect – and think that when someone drops by a blog – they should write something too – if they like – just a reaction or a Hello is Good …. Keeps the Momentum going ……
All the best for 2012 !
xxC
Long as you’re not collecting, we’re good to go.
Happy 2012 to you, Ms. Cat!
Well now, where do I start… If I see you in public with a booger in your nose, I’ll tell you, and I’ll expect you to return the favor. I normally say good morning, good day and good evening to people, not to forget please, thank you and you’re welcome, but if I don’t, I’m lost in thoughts or troubled by something, so please don’t take it personally. I wear sneakers, but I never wear sweats in public (I might wear them at home). I don’t drive, so I tend to keep my mouth shut while others do it. I don;t have any dolls, I have some plushies, but I have no intention of pointing them to you and telling you all about them. I’ll remember the part about the food; I hope you won’t be calling me a criminal, villain or whatever for eating meat.
I hope I covered everything (I don’t make New Year resolutions myself, I tend to forget or ignore them). Happy New Year!
Favor returned. No, I’d never name-call ’cause you eat meat. My kids eat it. I’d catch the devil trying to get a chicken bone outta Little Totsy’s mouth. She’s a thin girl but don’t mess with her meat.
Happy New Year to you!
Good morning Totsy. I just stopped by for a blog hop. Nice sweat pants and btw, you have a booger in your nose.
Oh shucks, you caught me unaware, sitting here in sweats blogging with boogers in Starbucks, no less.
I’ve been warned
What about being shown albums full of photographs of people you don’t know, don’t want to know or even if you do, they’re dead? Or the guest book from a wedding?? Just asking…
Oh yeah, I don’t get the whole album exhibition. It’s so selfish. I mean, wtf…And some people, it’s like, “I just met you two weeks ago. Why are you showing this to me?” But don’t you just sit there anyway and feel like an idiot for looking anyway?
Can’t think – trying to pick myself up off the floor from laughing! Have to add one – just ’cause I ain’t smilin’, don’t be thinking I ain’t happy. I just have a serious face! Happy New Year! Donna
I’ve composed myself – somewhat – as much as I can anyway. I did forget something else – I agree that when you stop by a blog you should at least comment about what you were supposed to just be reading. Don’t own any sweatpants and threw away the last monogrammed sweatshirt I owned and hadn’t worn in 15 years (I was/am big into the monograms – it’s a Southern thing.) Check my nose profusely before I exit the house. My hubby is a retired state trooper and drove twelve hour shifts so I don’t get to drive much – a plus – he lets me navigate and doesn’t questions it so I don’t need to backseat drive although I do reserve the right to brake on my side and grab the “oh shit” handles to hang on. I think that says enough without words. I’m a meat and potatoes kind of gal. And, you’ve seen Ryka and Calypso. They keep the riftraft out of the yard and if you get past them, you’re entitled to a sit on the front porch swing and a glass of sweet ice tea.
Monograms…(giving you the ole side glance). Do you wear puffy Christmas sweaters too? That’s okay. Don’t tell me. LoL!!
Tots, you give new meaning to the phrase, “To thine own self be true”. I am laughing my silly self into wetting my non-sweatpants! You go, girl! Don’t let nobody be messin’ up your parade!
Oh, don’t wet the pants, Gran…:-)
Haha, you seem to be complicated, but I think encountering you with honesty and kindness will render this impression invalid.
Dairy, sugar, sodium, or flour-based foods do not exist at my home. If you visited me, I’d offer you tea (with almond milk, if you like that), and some nuts, a piece of fruit, or a veggie-based dish with legumes (with you being inclined towards veganism? So better no meat or seaood for you?) in case you wanted to stay over for dinner.
Everybody’s complicated to somebody else. I think these are simple rules to follow. Seeing that you’ve got your house all set up for me, where’s the complexity?
Well, those are the most precise and clever “resolutions” I’ve ever seen. I can go for all of these except the food one. I’m a baker. How can I not offer you a cookie? Man…. you’re a tough one.
You know, trying to keep an open line of communication keeps everybody in the know. I would be tempted to have a cookie or even two or three, etc. but I must pass.
About the food issues – My kids crave fish fish fish, and after a little googling, it’s all starting to make sense.
Omega-3 fatty acids -
– are essential for growth and ongoing function of brain and nerves
– have an important anti-inflammatory function in the body
– are dangerously deficient in the average western diet.
The best source is fish, because the omega-3 is in a form which can be absorbed directly by the body. If sourced from vegetable kingdom, it is in a form which requires your body to do some work converting it into a usable form.
Best plant sources include walnuts, and a weed called ‘summer purslane’.
Hope you found this interesting.
I’ve been hesitant in giving up the fish altogether. I also figured if it was good enough for Jesus, then why not?
Are you a nutritionist or something like that?
Loving the “handbook to happiness”, in order to keep things real and truthful.
I’m with you and others on the dolls. I suppose it’s a hobby, but it really does give me the heebie-geebies. A room of Chucky dolls would be more pleasing since they “own” their creepy-scary factor, instead of hiding it under fancy hair and dresses.
I agree, for sure. I got a little entertainment from Chucky at least.
A southern gal who wants raisins, unsalted nuts, and water? Are you kidding me? When you come to my house we’re having real food – mashed potatoes, pot roast, biscuits! You know you want some. LOL
Of course, this explains why I need to lose a few pounds. Uh-oh.
Yeah, I can’t do the traditional southern foods. It puts too much on my backside and may give me glaucoma
I think I have the resolution thing covered. Love your artwork in this post. Oh, and if you do come to my house, I can make you some tea with honey from a friend’s beehive.
Thank you and I thank you from the tea in advance. It would be my first in getting the honey that fresh.
I am the official stepper on toilet paper trails and pointer of food in teeth around here. Never fear, no boogs will stay on the face if I’m around.
‘Preciate you having my back and all. A friend in need is a friend indeed.
So the world doesn’t revolve around other people, but it does revolve around you. Got it. What an unpleasant “humorous” set of resolutions.
Yeah, the world revolves around you too but we won’t go into that since it’s mostly about me. However unpleasant it may be, at least looking back and laughing about it helps.
“I’m stopping by for the blog hop,”…….
Ok, what the hell is a blog hop?
Is that something like a bar crawl?
The blog hop is organized by one person around a central theme or topic. Participants sign in through a link and visit one another’s blog to comment, subscribe or whatever. It allows all bloggers to gain more exposure for their content on the blog. I have found some through googling “blog hops” and joined that way. That’s how I got a few followers and readers initially.
Sounds like a good idea.