Collage/Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2011 Totsymae
What do you think? You can say a good number of politicians cheat. We should be totally unamazed when examining that group ’cause they do have “special interests” and it ain’t like we’re privy to knowing all of what that entails. I mean, I have special interests too but I don’t suspect blogging, painting and watching reality shows get the same measurement as political “special interests.” But let’s not talk about how insignificant my special interests are ’cause I wanna…I’m sorry, folks but I’m having some internal distractions ’cause I keep thinking of how Newt’s been (ahem) slinging it all over Washington. That fella’s got game, don’t he?
Now, standing Newt Gingrich and President Obama side by side, you’d easily choose The President as the one to have some game, right? Oh, but you’re quite wrong, folks. You remember that baseball game Obama went to, wearing those mama jeans? From that moment on, I was convinced Michelle’s the one wearing the Levis in that family. I think The President might’ve been wearing some Gloria Vanderbilt’s from back in the day, folks.
Then…I pondered on this mama jeans theory more ’cause I like trying to figure shit out when I look at two folk all in love and shit. I may pick up on something that can help me out in the future. So. I’m figuring on these mama jeans of Obama’s and whatnot ’cause I’ve already assessed in my mind that The First Lady can kick The President’s ass. I hope this doesn’t come off disrespectful but I’ve been thinking on this a good while and I can’t hold shit in that’s gonna help me, and you either, for that matter. I truly believe if you look at my perspective on this, you’d very much agree that Michelle can kick that ass. Oh, she don’t play around!
Mama Jeans in Action starring The President (Google Image)
There’s never been a woman to come out and say she’s done the do with The President. Have you heard any such tales? Let me know ’cause I want my facts to be straight. Though, based on current evidence, there’s only been Michelle. Now, folks. I know Michelle’s running shit ’cause she’s the one who put The President in those mama jeans that time he was riding that bike in public. I didn’t know what folk meant when they referenced mama jeans at first but when I saw The President on the bike, all smiling and whatnot, and my eyes slipped to his jeans, I was like, “Oh, shit,” in a real quiet, slow motion kinda way, like I was hearing a low beat of a horror flick’s theme song that was getting louder. Slowly, I began to turn away from my TV set ’cause I was embarrassed for him but I couldn’t altogether stop myself from what I was witnessing.
Mom wearing Mama Jeans. All she needs is a mini van to complete her ensemble. (Google image)
So, sure as the day is clear, in my neck of the woods anyway, all men don’t fall into the cheating category, which is good information to have. Now, I know some of you women folk ain’t none too happy about driving around in that mini van. But I’m here to tell you, revenge has its on sweet rewards for you women that let your husbands stiff you in them bus-like cars.
Just crank that little machine up in your driveway, head over to the shopping center and purchase that man of yours a pair of mama jeans like Michelle did. If you’ve EVER, and I mean EVER, worried about that man stepping out on you, won’t no woman have him once he steps outta the house wearing those suckers. Matter of fact, you may do well to ensure fidelity. Assist him in dressing, by jacking the pants up high enough to show off his balls, with a pair of white tube socks and Stacy Adams (Oh girl, I’m gonna help you hook’m up!) Trust me, ain’t nobody gonna want your man and if he’s wearing glasses on top of all that, it’s a done deal, honey. Y’all will be together ’til one of you expire away from here.
And I’m gonna apologize for not getting this information to you sooner. Pardon my slowness ’cause I know some of you women folk are in dire straits, trying to keep that man you feel is worth holding on to. Now, should you decide you wanna deck yourself out in some mama jeans too, I wanna be real clear that that ain’t gonna work while you’re allegedly “sporting” in the mini van. In Washington, is the correct term for that called double-dipping?
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Totsy, I just came back from Texas after dealing with some fancy, high-falutin’ business folks, and one of those guys was wearing a really nice $1,000 custom suit. Not only was his monogram on all his shirts, but he also had monograms on each suit lapel and on the cuffs of his pants – for real! All I could think about was, this guy ain’t cheatin’ for sure, because if he drops trouser to play but in the heat of a moment has to make a hasty exit, he’s leaving behind evidence with his initials. I guess you women have more than one trick up your sleeve about keeping your men honest.
Now if you’ll pardon me, I need to go check out my jean collection and sock drawer to make sure I don’t have any mama stuff in it…
Oh, naw. Dude’s got too much going on and I know all those little trinkets are valuable items he holds near and dear to his heart. I know I wouldn’t wanna have no affair with him. Takes too long to get prepped for entertaining me.
This is exactly what I needed this Friday morning! A laugh! A loud, obnoxious laugh! and you my friend is the cause of it. Speaking of women who can kick ass. I believe Hilary could do it too, but it did not stop Bill, she was probably too busy to be in charge of his wardrobe.
Well, I’m so glad you got your laugh on this morning. I don’t know ’bout Hilary. I think she’s only good for a good tongue lashing. Buncha huff and not enough smoke.
This made me laugh so hard, and then I read the comments and they were good too! Whew, what a great way to start the day
I missed all this about the Mama Jeans on Obama, but I totally agree with your assessment. Isn’t it refreshing though? Honestly, it makes me feel all homey and old-fashioned and secure. I PRAY no story ever comes about him OR HER cheating because that we be a huge disappointment.
Oh yeah, you guys can come up with some comments that gives me some long giggles.
I only caught on about the mom jeans from watching these morning news shows, being that I;m a junkie for them. Yeah, it would be a shame to learn anything different.
Now, Totsy, wait just a gol darn minute. You take Obama and stick him up against Newt and you tell me. Obama is movie star handsome, slim, trim, and athletic. Newt is a fat old white guy. You could put Obama in a dress with a push up bra and I still say he wins over Newt. Okay, there is something about fat white guys that can be pretty cute sometimes, but if we’re talking Playgirl Magazine give me eye candy. And I like chocolate.
Okay, I admit Rick Perry is cute. So is that Mormon dude. But that’s with their clothes on.
I dress my husband in great jeans, awesome shirts, beautiful jackets and Ferragomo shoes. He looks “well taken care of”. Even his underwear is stylin’. Okay, if some hussy comes along and sees him, bitch is gonna know he’s got a woman already. She makes sure he looks “fine” even when he’s walking the darn dogs.
Show me a man with a frayed collar, wrinkled khaki’s and holes in his sneakers and I could snag him up for the price of a Hermes tie. If he’s got a woman, she ain’t takin’ care of him a’tall.
Mom jeans? Okay, that was bad judgment. But they were clean and they were pressed and they were not grody in the least. Michelle takes care of that dude. She’s a fine woman her own self.
I know Obama’s the likely pick but it’s Newt who’s got the game, being on his third wife and all. Money is helping him out, I know. There was one comedian who said Newt looks like the kid who just ate the last cookie. I suppose that would look rather cute on him.
You keep right on dressing that man but don’t dab him up with your favorite cologne on him. That’s strictly reserved for you.
“You could put Obama in a dress with a push up bra and I still say he wins over Newt.” I’m with you, Linda. The only thing that could make Newt look sexy to me naked, is if he held a $5mil insurance policy with me as beneficiary in one hand, and a death-sentence diagnosis from a doctor in the other. Even then, it’d be a hard sell, and I would need some duct tape for that stupid ass-mouth.
Was ROFLMAO over the Newster taking a new & improved vow of fidelity to his wife recently – apparently this is the 4th time he’s taken one, though the wives have changed. Google it – even SHE couldn’t keep a straight face.
Totsy, I’ve got some bad news. Did you hear about the Prez and Vera Baker? She hasn’t come out and admitted anything, but the rumor has been around for years. And what about that guy who wrote a book and said he and the Prez had a fling while the Prez was high on crack? These things haven’t gone viral yet, but with the election drawing near, it’s only a matter of time before more information comes out and opponents try to ferret out the details. And don’t get me started on the rumors that Michelle is having an affair with a secret service agent.
I hope all these things are false, but after Herman Cain, I think we all know how quickly a presidential campaign can tank with talk about infidelity.
Ooooooohhh, chitty chitty, bang bang now. Obama did the do with who and Michelle’s keeping it secret with The Secret? Hmmmm…..Yoo’ve got my little head all messed up now….I wanna think if the allegations were that strong or even somewhat valid, it would’ve hindered his election. I mean, I’m sure they dug and dug but evidently couldn’t prove anything. I guess that’s how that goes? I don’t know.
Yeah, I agree. I’ve been skeptical because I figured if any of it was true, it would have come out during the first election–at least regarding Vera. But the book about Larry Sinclair and Obama is only a couple of years old. As far as I know, it’s just accusations, no real proof, but I’m sure people are digging to see if they can find anything.
Michelle and her Secret Service “Secret” was on the front page of the Enquirer this week. But it was right next to the piece about Eddie Murphy getting a sex change operation. I think they just toss it out there and see if it sticks.
It may be the case: those rumors aren’t true –until they are. Meaning, when the controllers want somebody to replace somebody else, well, we WILL hear all about it.
As far as a cheating man! Loved your take on Michelle dressing her husband up in those things.
Yeah, I hear you on the rumors. You’ve summed it up quite well. It seems to be the foundation for how Washington operates.
I feel very cheated by President Obama’s being in bed with the banker special interests. Not a single one of these fraud masters has been indicted by the justice department.
Hmmm…Do you think he’s in bed by himself with them or he and congress? Often, I get a little impatient along with rest of the nation at the slow progression of improvement myself. I just don’t see that it’s him single handedly not moving the country forward or making those necessary changes we need.
lmao. Actually snorting I’m laughing so loud! Love your blogs.
Long, long, long story short – my husband told me this woman didn’t understand why she couldn’t be calling my husband any more. I simply let him know that women are BORN UNDERSTANDING and they hone it as they grow up so don’t be telling me that and if he believed it, well, let’s just say, it’s a crock of crap.
Oh, I know all about the woman in distress calling. let me tell ya. Men folk act all aloof about it but you’re so right, we are born understanding and I applaud you for nipping that in the bud. Women of that sort are a trip.
Yet another great painting. You amaze me.
Thank you so much, Shary.
Tots,
) U R. Fabulous. X
I don’t care if Obama wears mama jeans…I’d still kiss him.
Haaaaaaaaaaa.
Love your painting of him
Haha! I’m sure you’d be in line with a whole buncha other women.
And thank you. Glad you like the painting.
You’re extra Fabulous.
Tots, my girl, you have hit it out of the ballpark and way on over to the other coast with this one! I am still laughing so much, I am about to wet my mama jeans! Great watercolor portrait of the Prez, by the way. You know, don’t you, that Baracky-boy showed great foresight in hooking up with Michelle; because she probably kicked his ass all over the campus and the curved grading spectrum in law school! The kind of men I go for (like my husband) get really turned on by strong women who don’t put up with any sh.t, you know?
Oh yeah, he chose well. She keeps him in line. I knew you were tough yourself being from the south and all but you also have the soft southern charm to your advantage.
Lol @ this post. I hope they are faithful.
I suppose there’s always hope…or a GPS.
Consistently funny woman, love the way you roll
Thanks.
Very astute observation, Totsy. A man in momma jeans is concerned with things other than getting his groove-thang in someone else’s jeans. As for Newt. There’s just no explaining that man’s shenanigans and his rise from the crypt…
Maybe you can enlighten up in the way only you can? Please?
By the way, you might want to send a copy of that wonderful portrait to our pres to him. It’s very flattering and, well, you never know…
LMAO!!!!!! Totsymae I miss laughing….THANK YOU!!! Girl when you looked away from the screen cuz you was embarrassed….I fell out LMAO!!!!
Hehehehe!
You’ve been so busy lately. Glad I could get that laugh out you needed. Enjoy your holidays.
Totsy,
LOL I think you are loosing it. I love you but strains of madness are showing lmao. OMG, I never heard that phrase before and scary as it is, it is scarily true. I have to defend Michelle though because the googly eyed insane way women look at PBO is an argument for defensive measures. I was watching my Twitter feed one day and was just HORRIFIED to see how many women were waxing crazy about how sexy and good he looks.
Now, don’t get me wrong but if PBO wasn’t POTUS don’t you think his ears would take a major whack at his desirability? RIGHT.
Nonetheless, I also suspect that Michelle has a backbone of steel and like any strong woman she could shut him down with the quickness LMAO. Great post, just great!! *applause*
“Strains of madness” you call it? I’ll take it.
Yes, Michelle’s a tough one. No doubt who’s running business there. I applaud her too.