What do you think? You can say a good number of politicians cheat. We should be totally unamazed when examining that group ’cause they do have “special interests” and it ain’t like we’re privy to knowing all of what that entails. I mean, I have special interests too but I don’t suspect blogging, painting and watching reality shows get the same measurement as political “special interests.” But let’s not talk about how insignificant my special interests are ’cause I wanna…I’m sorry, folks but I’m having some internal distractions ’cause I keep thinking of how Newt’s been (ahem) slinging it all over Washington. That fella’s got game, don’t he?
Now, standing Newt Gingrich and President Obama side by side, you’d easily choose The President as the one to have some game, right? Oh, but you’re quite wrong, folks. You remember that baseball game Obama went to, wearing those mama jeans? From that moment on, I was convinced Michelle’s the one wearing the Levis in that family. I think The President might’ve been wearing some Gloria Vanderbilt’s from back in the day, folks.
Then…I pondered on this mama jeans theory more ’cause I like trying to figure shit out when I look at two folk all in love and shit. I may pick up on something that can help me out in the future. So. I’m figuring on these mama jeans of Obama’s and whatnot ’cause I’ve already assessed in my mind that The First Lady can kick The President’s ass. I hope this doesn’t come off disrespectful but I’ve been thinking on this a good while and I can’t hold shit in that’s gonna help me, and you either, for that matter. I truly believe if you look at my perspective on this, you’d very much agree that Michelle can kick that ass. Oh, she don’t play around!
There’s never been a woman to come out and say she’s done the do with The President. Have you heard any such tales? Let me know ’cause I want my facts to be straight. Though, based on current evidence, there’s only been Michelle. Now, folks. I know Michelle’s running shit ’cause she’s the one who put The President in those mama jeans that time he was riding that bike in public. I didn’t know what folk meant when they referenced mama jeans at first but when I saw The President on the bike, all smiling and whatnot, and my eyes slipped to his jeans, I was like, “Oh, shit,” in a real quiet, slow motion kinda way, like I was hearing a low beat of a horror flick’s theme song that was getting louder. Slowly, I began to turn away from my TV set ’cause I was embarrassed for him but I couldn’t altogether stop myself from what I was witnessing.
So, sure as the day is clear, in my neck of the woods anyway, all men don’t fall into the cheating category, which is good information to have. Now, I know some of you women folk ain’t none too happy about driving around in that mini van. But I’m here to tell you, revenge has its on sweet rewards for you women that let your husbands stiff you in them bus-like cars.
Just crank that little machine up in your driveway, head over to the shopping center and purchase that man of yours a pair of mama jeans like Michelle did. If you’ve EVER, and I mean EVER, worried about that man stepping out on you, won’t no woman have him once he steps outta the house wearing those suckers. Matter of fact, you may do well to ensure fidelity. Assist him in dressing, by jacking the pants up high enough to show off his balls, with a pair of white tube socks and Stacy Adams (Oh girl, I’m gonna help you hook’m up!) Trust me, ain’t nobody gonna want your man and if he’s wearing glasses on top of all that, it’s a done deal, honey. Y’all will be together ’til one of you expire away from here.
And I’m gonna apologize for not getting this information to you sooner. Pardon my slowness ’cause I know some of you women folk are in dire straits, trying to keep that man you feel is worth holding on to. Now, should you decide you wanna deck yourself out in some mama jeans too, I wanna be real clear that that ain’t gonna work while you’re allegedly “sporting” in the mini van. In Washington, is the correct term for that called double-dipping?