Watercolor Ink on paper. Copyright 2011 Totsymae.
I’m taking the idea of what I won’t do in 2012 from my virtual partner in crime, Linda Medrano of, The Good, The Bad, The Worse.
Now, as you well know, setting standards for yourself is a good way to evolve into something you ain’t already. I’m all about trying to improve myself and here’s how I’m gonna go about it in the new year:
I won’t stop watching reality TV’s, Basketball Wives or Braxton Family Values. I like these shows and I readily admit, there are some folks in Hollywood whose business I wanna be all up and in there with. Matter of fact, I wouldn’t mind finding another reality show I could tune in to. I have a vested interest in these shows and while I know it’s a shame, I’m cool with it. I don’t know about you but my glass is half full. One day, something positive will evolve from my watching constant bitching and cat fights.
I won’t keep calling my neighbor across the street Mary and wonder if she ever gets visitors. Besides, I don’t know what her name is and long as she’s being a good citizen, it ain’t none of my business what’s going on at her place. What I will do is say nevermind to myself when she gets to giggling loud with that dog of hers and get my ass a life so I can leave hers alone.
I won’t call my next door neighbor Charlie anymore. He told me his name is Ronald. Who am I to make him out to who I want him to be? I need to sit my ass down somewhere and stop picking on folks during idle time. I aim to do just that, I promise but forgive me if I backslide. I’m only human.
I won’t watch any Lifetime movie past 10 pm. The later it gets, the crazier those women become. As much shit as I talk, those women scare me.
I won’t think no more about how many folk are gonna show up to my funeral. It’s not like I know when it’ll happen or that I can do something about what the numbers will be like anyhow. Plus, it’s shallow and narcissistic for me to think that way. I don’t know when that became so important to me but I’m gonna erase that thought from my head and stop thinking who I would or wouldn’t want there.
I won’t keep wondering why every time my family plans a get together, there’s major chaos over small shit like food. I need to respect the fact that they’re tightly wound into their dysfunctionalities and sometimes I could swear I was randomly dropped off in the family until I get to letting dumb shit take over my mind too. From now on, I shall remember that most of the discord is on account of it being a bunch of women folk trying to run shit and the common ground of bitching is actually the super glue that’s holding the family unit together.
I won’t stick a pin in my shirt to cover my cleavage in 2012. That’s tacky and showing a little cleavage is one of my best assets. I need to remember that blouses made in China tend to highlight that part of my body. It’s not me. It’s them.
I won’t eat anymore cheese. I’m lactose intolerant. After eating this forbidden food, I feel pretty miserable and I’m tired of feeling that way. Besides, cheese has always smelled like butt to me and I don’t have an affinity to eating ass.
Lastly, I won’t covet Denzel in my mind anymore. He’s a married man and I respect the institution of marriage. If it ever got a little rocky for he and Wifey, just know that I would be there for him. I’m nice and considerate that way. Everybody, with the exception of folk who don’t like me, always say that and I didn’t have to pay them off to say it.
Now, I know you’ve had your fill of to-do lists but what will you not do next year?
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Well, I think this is a clever way to approach a New Year’s Resolution! What you WON’T do. I have to give this some thought for myself…..
Thanks to Linda, I now have a clear plan in place .
I am with you on Denzel. May the best cleavage win. Actually, no, you can have him. He’ll be much happier with you – and I always want what’s best for those I love.
I myself will stop calling all other mothers I used to meet at the school gate “Jenny”. The Angel finds my lack of memory for names embarrassing. Fact is most of them ARE called Jenny.
I too won’t send out exvitations any longer to all those non-starters in my life who I most definitely do NOT want to attend my funeral. May they weep.
I can’t add anything else to my NOT-to-do-list because I’d have noting to do at all (other than keep reading your hilarious take on life).
U
Well, thank you for Denzel. I won’t hold me breath any longer for him. It’s taking him way too long.
I won’t stop being a ball buster. I won’t stop writing my book. I won’t stop telling off hypocrites, liars and cowards. I won’t take crap from preachers, friends and enemies. I won’t stop til I’m dead.
I know you won’t.:-)
What a kind and generous soul you are, totsymae. Especially your willingness to sacrifice yourself for Denzel, should the need arise.
I think I’m gonna not beat myself up over shit I need to do – or don’t feel like doing. Try to go with the flow more – set goals, but not stress if I don’t make them, because life happens.
Yes, sacrifice pays off and I have a great sense of duty.
I could add some of your won’ts to my list too.
What a great idea. I have a long list of things I feel like I should do next year, but one thing I’m sure of, I won’t change. I probably should, but I have to be realistic. I might evolve a tiny bit, but at this point, change is unlikely.
You won’t change? You must be close to perfect.
I like your list, Totsy. It cracks me up that you think about your funeral and who you don’t want to be there. That, my friend, is a funny post waiting to happen!
Hehehehe…I may have to think about that one.
A very intriguing list… and a lovely painting!
Thank you. Just getting a headstart.
Hahaha, we have so much in common Totsy, I also give people names according to their appearance, or at least according to what I think they should be named…. also about the food – you just described my family. Do you know how many times I have to tell them: people we live in America now, we don’t need to stuck up, everything is available to you 24 hours a day! Still does not help. Every time we get together we cooked 5 times more, than we can consume, and then my mom makes an effort to freeze the rest…..
It’s always the same argument on this end. For years, the same
argument.
Okay, Totsy, you can act all holy and shit but if Denzel comes a’callin’, I am bringin’ him on in. I don’t care if he’s married. I don’t even care if I’m married. Denzel is an exception. But don’t fret, I’ll tell you all about how good he is. And all the details too.
You gotta start rocking that cleavage that your maker gave you. Girl, if you hide it, what’s the point in even having it? Lord know there ain’t nothin’ sinful about cleavage. So forget about that tacky pin and open that next button.
Go ahead and call the goofy neighbor lady Mary. At least you ain’t callin’ her “Whack A Doodle”. And “Charlie” is a perfectly good name too. As long as you call him, don’t fret the small stuff. I have a goofy neighbor lady and her real name is Mary. She put down artificial lawn, married some fool who’s after her money, is mean to her dogs, and goes to some goofy church all the time.
I’ve made my daughter promise to do my hair for my funeral. And I want a professional make up artist too. And cleavage! Plenty of cleavage. And no fool preachers acting like they knew me because they did not.
You’re funny! And I strongly suspect I would be hatin’ on you should that ever happen with Denzel. Oh honey, I think I may end up laying hands on you. LoL!!!
And you’re gonna be a forever diva. I should’ve known you’d already have such arrangements in place.Yes, I’ll be rocking my cleavage in 2012.
Love your approach to new year’s resolutions. I tried to do a list of won’ts and had a hard time with it. All I could come up with I won’t throw a tantrum or even be surprised when things don’t go right, won’t complain to medical receptionists about the healthcare industry or insurance craziness, won’t hide when I see someone I know in the grocery store.
Go ahead with your list. It’s a good way to navigate.
Totsy, I PRAY (I mean it!) you won’t stop painting those lucious watercolors, like this pear today.
Now, the only think I know I won’t do in 2012 is: I WILL NOT STOP WRITING EVERYDAY, OKAY?
YOU GOT THAT OUT THERE, WORLD? DO I NEED TO SHOUT IT OUT ONE MORE TIME? NO? Okay, I will tone down, as long as you remember to listen to your elders!
Love you, Tots!
Oh, I will continue with painting, for sure. So glad you enjoy the art.
Love you back, Granbee!
During a dark time in my life, I watched some of those Lifetime movies. You’re right. Those women are crazy. I had to stop watching (after I started feeling better about my life compared the them)!
So many are true stories, unfortunately.
Love the list and thinking about your funeral. It’s never too early. Okay, here I go. I won’t buy anymore rugs that shed teeny tiny fibers because the f’er was only $200. I won’t walk around with no cash in my wallet. I won’t stop believing that it’s not too late to become a Rocket. There’s so much more, but I don’t want to take up precious space. Thanks for the laugh!
I need to add the cash one to my list. You wanna be a Rocket? Then be one!
***I won’t watch any Lifetime movie past 10 pm. The later it gets, the crazier those women become. As much shit as I talk, those women scare me.*** haaaaaaaaa
Funny. Those chicks kick male butt!
I will not worry about my weight. I will try to love myself just how i am…
Great Post, Miss Tots. xx
Yeah, they kick butt alright…You are lovely as you are, so no weight worries for you, said the Fairy Godmother.
Sharp list, Totsy. Love the line about Lifetime movies. I so agree. I’ll have to think about my list. You’ve definitely given me food for thought!
Well, time is winding down. Santa will be coming soon and it’s usually best to make the list before he gets here. He can be a little distracting for those New Year promises we make to ourselves.
Nicely done, Totsy – and show the cleavage!
Thanks….You’re a mess!
Moi? A mess? Nah, I like titties and cleavage and if you got it, flaunt it and, yeah, I’m gonna look if I can… what’s messy about that and even more when you know how innocent I am.
Innocent my foot! LoL!
As long as the women on late night television remain to appear crazier than you in 2012, you’re going to be fine.
HA! I wasn’t expecting that one.
I love this one and can’t believe she actually watches those shows…
Re paragraph 5: I just love to intentionally call people by the wrong name. I used to call everyone Steve. Women too. Enjoyed your post, Elizabeth
Hehehee! Okay Calvin, I gotcha…:-)
Hi there, I love this and hope you don’t mind me stealing the idea? I’ll be sure you put you in the credits
! Kx
Have fun with it. As you saw, I got the idea from my blogging buddy, Linda. Nice meeting you.
For starters, I won’t stop peeking at cleavage, which pretty much guarantees my wife won’t stop slapping me upside the head whenever she catches me doing that.
I hope she has a heavy had. But then, maybe she’s had plenty of practice. Probably has a boob radar and knows the precise moment to smack you.
I’m beginning to think that cleavage is a boob conspiracy invented and used by all women to get men smacked upside the head. I’ve tried the “not nearly as nice looking as yours” routine, and it does make her smile… er… before the smack. Any ideas for me Totsy?
Wear dark sunglasses. If you’re detected then, you’ve got yourself one sharp wifey. Experiment, then report back for plan B, if necessary.
Nothing! Most of the stuff I said I’d never do, I ended up doing and liked it. I hope to not let politics upset me, and will try to maintain a positive loving attitude towards all.
Oh yeah, one more thing; I’m not gonna tolerate bullshit in any form or manifestation.
Long as you turned it into a good situation, cool. Sounds like some memorable moments.
I hear ya on the last line.
I loved this! Thank you! You need to add 3 more so you have an official 12-Step process to 2012
Good idea I will somewhat need to recover from this year.
There’s so many nots I need to tie, I should make a rope, I swear. I think you and Denzel are destined for one another, by the by. He just wears that smile because he knows he’s missing out on something and can’t figure out what it is. Brave face and all that.
See, I knew he felt me out here in the universe. I’ll continue to exercise patience.
Loving your “won’t do” list, Tots, such fun! Would be interesting to see your “will do’s” now, LOL Thanks for another rollicking read and for the inspiration to come up with a “won’t do” list… have to go think on that for a while
Well, think about it so we can all get a peek.
I’ve got my will do list on my computer but I may need to do some revisions.
I won’t stop watching crap reality shows either. I love them!
I won’t stop being a workaholic. I won’t stop loving my sons. I won’t stop drawing. I won’t stop writing. I won’t stop my imagination.
You like crap TV too? My kinda girl. An artist and reality show watcher! I’m gonna add your list to mine. Sounds good to me. Let me add loving my daughter to that, of course.
haha lol, your list is really funny, way better than those ordinary ones
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Thanks. I kept the boring one to myself.
Girl, how do you come up with this stuff? Hahahahaha, I busted out laughing when I got to the blouse and the pin. And the Lifetime movies — I thought I was the only one who thought those women were crazy.
Now that I’ve seen your list, I know what I won’t do. I won’t give up any of my favorite foods so that I’ll get to my perfect (fighting) weight.
Randomness leads imagination, I guess.
You’re right to think those LIfetime women are crazy. Some are true stories too.
I screwed up with a slice of German Chocolate cake today. Darn that’s my favorite.
Great post! Enjoyed the read! Looking forward to reading more of your blogs, Silver Cannon!
Check out ZazenLife! You would definitely like out blogs:
http://zazenlife.com/author/thetaoofd/
Glad you enjoyed reading. I’ll check out the blog. See you over there.
Totsymae,
This may be one of my favorite posts like ever. I need to get my ass over here more regularly cause reading a bunch of your posts at once is like a comic skit and I’m laughing too hard. I will soon lose my usefulness to anyone
. Favorite line: “Tthe common ground of bitching is actually the super glue that’s holding the family unit together.” Me too, damn.
But I am gonna take up the challenge of answering your last question because it’s a fascinating and illuminating, as well as hysterical way, to look at the New Year.
I do need to go into the new year with humor myself. This last half of the year has been a trip.
very witty! intelligently hilarious!
Thank you.
Heck yeah clevage! I also will not worry about things I can’t do a darn thing about, thank yew very much. Cheers!
I like your approach to resolutions. The cheese comment got me thinking. I never had a problem with dairy, but during the last year or so I have finally noticed a connection between eating a lot of dairy in some meals and these stomach aches I get once in a while.
Still, I am not planning on giving up cheese–just can’t make a meal out of it, I think!
Great list. Can I have your extra cheese? I’ll trade you all my olives — I won’t eat olives in 2012, because I don’t like them.
I won’t stop eating ice cream. I won’t stop writing. And I won’t stop asking my husband to Windex the bathroom mirror.
Hope you had a happy New Year!
I will NOT NOT read your blog out loud. Loooove to do that.
Keep on hittin’ us with your refreshing stuff.