Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2011 Totsymae
Folks, you can’t imagine the magnitude of my joy on packing up my bags to head back to America. I know. I know. Ain’t nothing much changed in the 4 weeks and 3 days since I left but hey, I’m coming back to check it out for myself to make sure y’all been holding the fort down.
I heard tale of some students protesting over yonder and getting arrested. Somebody over this way mentioned Clarence Thomas putting his hand up some woman’s skirt again. My sources ain’t verified this Thomas story with me yet, so right now, I guess I’m just spreading rumors. Y’all help me in confirming this story before I make it through customs and the U.S. Marshalls take me to the floor ready to cuff me up. I know I can count on Phil to help me out on account of a previous situation with Crazy Heifer. Ariana had my back too, so I got myself a small posse going. I’d hate to be sitting up in the federal prison and get turned into somebody’s bitch over a slight blog misunderstanding.
Anyhow, I don’t know what kinda internet service I’ll have in my next destination, after America that is, but I hope we can continue meeting up like this. I don’t expect to be playing the guessing game of where I am next time around. Let’s just pretend I’m on a top secret mission for the government and they need me to translate southern lingo. Imagine, if you will, somebody from the south, who ain’t polished, getting elected and they called on me, Totsymae, to work out the translations when the president spoke to folks of other nations.
Matter of fact, I’ve had a few different type jobs in my span of time but there’s one I know I could never do. What I could never be is a Dog Catcher. Shit, I get scared if a dog even goes to looking at me the wrong way, let alone me trying to run up and catch one, which brings to mind a true life story you may or may not wanna hear. But here goes…
At the old house I lived in, we had a carport, meaning, it’s a spot that pretends to be a garage that you can drive into but there’s no door. Well, inside the carport is where we kept the big garbage bin that was set out twice a week for the sanitation workers. Anyhow, this particular day, the bin was full to capacity ’cause Mr Boy, who had a great talent for sleeping late, didn’t take the bin out to be collected.
Now, next to my house was this rottweiler. This mothersucker used to chase the kids when they walked to the school bus stop or played outside. They were right to be afraid ’cause he was BIG and who the hell knew the dog’s intentions? What could they do but run and scream to the top of their lungs? That neighbor of mine had three dogs that were never chained up. On this one day the trash bin was filled up, my sister was visiting and happened to have a headache. What I gave her was a huge generic bottle of aspirin from the military store that had AAFES written over it in bold colors. It was a right strange bottle to be taking and Sis ain’t never seen anything like it. She read the bottle and saw the aspirin were expired. Naturally, she threw the bottle out but it was in the bin in the carport.
I also have to tell you, this rottweiler had a penchant for digging in my trash. Some mornings I’d get up and trash was all over my carport. I’d be mad as fire too! At my boy for not taking the trash out and that damn dog! Well, this dog got into the bin where this huge bottle of aspirin were and licked up every last one of those pills.
Folks, the dog died within the hour. I was like, DAAAAAMN! That neighbor of mine muttered about somebody killing his dog and yeah, I was naturally a suspect, folks. It wasn’t enough that I’d gone over several times (when the dog wasn’t out and about, that is) to talk with him about tying up those damn dogs or calling the pound on him. He took that folk were afraid as a joke (cause I’d seen him snickering) and ended up with a dead dog on his hands. I plead my case before you, folks. My attempts to get him to do right were futile. I didn’t lose sleep over the crime; therefore, guilty, I was not. I close my case on owner negligence by way of accidental suicide, folks of the court. The gavel has gone down.
After the facts, you be the judge. Was I wrongfully accused and need to counter-sue for defamation of character or should I go in hiding and live the life of a fugitive? Totsy ain’t trying to be nobody’s bitch, y’all.
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Totsy, where on earth do y’all live? Aren’t there leash laws there? I mean, dogs can do a lot of damage. And as a “responsible” dog owner, my dogs (all three) are secure in a backyard with a 10 foot fence. My dogs are big, and mostly very friendly, but they don’t like strangers approaching their yard and I figure that’s fine. I don’t really want strangers in my yard either. That said, it is illegal here for a dog to be outside of their own yard if they aren’t on a leash.
I never have kids around my dogs if I’m not right there with them. My dogs like kids, but dogs are unpredictable and so you don’t take chances. They have never even looked mad at a kid in their lives. Still, I wouldn’t ever say “Oh they won’t hurt anybody” because you really just never know. Therefore, you don’t take risks. Harry, my big orange guy, hates squirrels with a passion and he’s even killed a couple. So how do you determine that he’s never going to see some fat kid with a lot of hair and think “squirrel”?
It’s not your fault that Rottie died. It is his owner’s fault for not having control over his dog. His dog was trespassing onto your property and stealing your garbage to eat. He’s lucky there wasn’t a big old hunk of chocolate in your trash because that’s bad poison to dogs. The aspirin was probably like a sleeping pill overdose. Sad, though.
I know you don’t like dogs. I used to be afraid of them. But now I’m not. In fact, I’ll go grab a stray, throw a collar on him and take him off to the shelter. Dogs can get hit by cars, starve, or even bite somebody when they are running around loose. They go with me too. We have a special understanding.
It was a nice and quiet neighborhood. I just had a bad neighbor.
He was a despicable little guy and sadly, I think that had to
happen for him to finally GET IT. There was never a problem
until he came along. Eventually, he moved away and so did I,
so thankfully, we didn’t end up in the same neighborhood
again.
I love dogs, but I’m a firm believer in fences and leashes. They keep dogs safe. It’s sad that the dog overdosed on aspirin, but it’s not a crime to throw things away. The owner is responsible for what happened to his pet. You are Not Guilty.
Court’s adjourned.
Hmmm………, are you on WANTED list lolzzzzz
No, I was found not guilty. Free as a bird!
)
hahaha, I thought for a while you took refuge in asian water’s lolz. :p
I have to tell you something funny and it’s not about dogs it’s about the language. When i just moved here, I found my first job 4 months later and my boss situated me in between two African American girls. A month later I knew all their lingo. They taught me all the slang I needed to know. We are still friends and they still make fun of me when I try to speak slang with them. Can you imagine, me trying to speak slang with my Russian accent….., so when the White House will be calling you to translate something for them, think of me as well, I am all educated now! lol!
You can be my assistant. I may have to call in sick sometimes.
Totsy Mae, ambassador of good will, showing the rest of the world what America is all about. I can’t think of a better person for the job. As long as Crazy doesn’t follow you to your next assignment – K? Otherwise I’ll have to be raising your bail money, because I don’t think a bottle of expired military aspiring will be doing the trick. Safe travels to you Totsy, and steer clear of any of them pat-downs, unless the guy looks like Denzel.
I think I have some kinda repellant on ’cause I haven’t had a
Denzel look-alike frisk me down yet. Then again, I’ll attribute
that to my innocent look.
It’s too bad you hadn’t reported the dogs being off leash a dozen times before this happened to CYOA. I probably wouldn’t have, but in retrospect, the negligent owner wouldn’t have a leg to stand on if you had. I love dogs, despise bad dog owners. Those people should be staked in a dirt yard with a six-foot chain and given food every other day out of an ant-infested dirty bowl. No lie, that’s how a lot of people around here treat their dogs.
Hope your bed feels as good as mine always does when I get home!
Yes, he was a bad dog owner and I agree with your brand of
punishment for his type.
—Tots,
Are you sure you didn’t place that aspirin bottle at the VERY top of the garbage can?
Now, tell the truth and the whole truth, Totsy Ann. Xx
I mean … Totsy MAE!
Oh, Lord! I’ve got a hostile witness! LoL!
As your heart and mind were, are and always will be innocent of such event, i.e. the deliberate and intentional poisoning of any sentient being having entered upon your property
Ditto for outcome, i.e. death of said sentient being having raided and eaten from your rubbish bin
Therefore, clearly you are innocent – Verdict? Not guilty! Case closed!
I’d wager it likely you’ll not seek my verbose verdict ever again, eh Totsymae?
cheers catchul8r molly
You’re lawyer talking on me with the i.e. and stuff.
At any rate, I like the verdict and the sound of that
gavel setting me free.
That’s sad. I hate when animals are the victim of human stupidity. Meaning the owner should have kept those dogs locked up in the yard!! Around here you have to have your dog on a leash if it’s not in your yard.
That sums it up.
Hehe, Shane brought me here. But your candidness is what’s keeping me. I think you’re kinda fabulous!
Thank you, Karen. He just showed me your blog. I’m gonna subscribe and check
it out once I get rested up from this trip. Thanks for hanging out with me.
What can I say, Shit happen. A lot. No one knows that better than us!
Yeah, it does happen. Sorta comes with the territory of living
every now and then.
Too bad about the dog but hey, it’s not your fault!
I’ll have to check out whether the allegations against CT are true. Now, wouldn’t that be something?
CT?