Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2011. Totsymae
I had to wait a day or so to post this here message to y’all, after the one a couple days ago on that cry baby chick. I don’t aim to talk about folks but well, I’m doing it anyhow. If she hadn’t presented herself to me in the dark light she has, I wouldn’t be elaborating on the topic of crazy.
First off, I want the best for folks. I mean, whatever floats their boat, I wish them a bon voyage to being happy sailors. But folks, I’ve learned how to follow that spirit that says, “Leave that bitch alone.” I just don’t do crazy. I can be the best gotcha-back friend in the world but when folk show me their elevator ain’t operating in full motion, there’s a 99% chance of me backing off altogether. I just don’t have the stamina. Plus, I’ve got my own shit to tend. Not only that but I don’t have enough college credits to make me halfway certified to even be a door-to-door therapist. Hell, I’m still over here in Taiwan trying to keep my damn feet clean and I ain’t none too happy for it but c’est la damn vie, baby.
Now. In the little place I’m at, there are mostly men folk. Only three women. Ten of us total. Okay, we’re sitting and joshing around and all of a sudden, Crazy Heifer pops out of her seat like a rocket and stumps from the room. Everybody’s totally baffled but I’m gonna tell you. Since Crazy Heifer sits next to me, I’ve started picking up on little signs of her skidding toward crazy. She’ll have her toe pointed to the floor and go to shaking her foot at 90 miles per hour. If somebody don’t get her point through a series of explanations and they’re trying to give their perspective, she gets to breathing heavy. If she’s trying to get the attention of somebody and they’re talking to somebody else, the mouth gets tight. Should the direction of what was stated the day before changes the agenda of what’s to happen the current day, Crazy Heifer goes something like, “Well, I thought it would happen today. Why can’t it happen? So when will it happen? I just don’t like when somebody tells me it will happen and it doesn’t happen…”
Folks, there’s a law against guns in Taiwan. But I tell you, if Crazy Heifer comes in with a bow and arrow and goes to aiming, don’t say I didn’t prophesize it. I’m telling you folks, this bitch is touched! I ain’t lying when I say all them noodles ain’t been boiled up for serving.
Now, here’s what I want you to do for me, ’cause I think we’ve gotten chummy enough for me to elicit some special favors from you. I’m gonna forward you my address. Hear me good now and follow these instructions to the letter ’cause time is of essence here. This is a May Day from Totsy Headquarters, folks. Swing by your nearest pharmacy, and I need you to drive up in that bitch like you’re about to hold that shit up, okay? Tell them folks behind that drug counter, in no uncertain terms, that Totsy sent you in there for the strongest dose of Prozac, Ritlin or whatever concoctions they got behind that counter for crazy and ship it over here to me air mail, so I can drop some of that shit in Crazy Heifer’s coffee. Code red. You read me? Over and out.
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
So I run over the Pharmacy as fast as I can and explain the situation. The damn fool wants to know what kind of insurance Crazy has! Insurance? Are you kidding me – she’s in Tawain melting down in front of Totsy. He says, “Taiwan – wow she really is Crazy!” I said, “Why would I lie?” So he checks with his manager, who comes out and asks, “Taiwan?” and I say, “Yep” and he shakes his head and says, “Crazy!” I’m tellin’ ya Tots, these folks are a step or two behind your Crazy friend.
Anyway, he runs into the back for a while, and then comes out and asks me if I want Generic substitutes. I shouted back at him, “I don’t want any cheap imitations! I need it to bail Totsy out of a bad situation real quick – don’t be shorting me now! Hurry up dammit!”
So he’s filling the bottles right now Totsy – hang in there!
Oh, he wants to know if you need anything to clean and soften your feet…
Oh, my… What a friend you are and a funny one too!!!
I owe you big time!
By the time I leave here, I may need a prescription for my
feet. :-O
Phil, you went to the wrong pharmacy, I went here http://www.canadadrugs.com/medsforamerica/index.php
and got everything Totsy wanted/needed. Now the only thing I need is to figure out how to smuggle all these drugs to Taiwain!
Wow, Ariana. You’re very resourceful. I will definitely have to keep
that website in my favorites.
You may have to go retrieve Phil from the pharmacy though. I think
he’s still waiting at the counter.
Totsy, you sure as shooting are gonna’ end up in a Chinese slammer if you keep up this crazy talk. You will be called a drug dealer spy and accused of molesting that crazy bitch and then poisoning her with some low level Tong thug you never even met. Stop right now. Get the woman drinking to excess and she’ll sleep right through those meetings. Better yet, find her an opium den. I know they still got them someplace in China.
Forget about drugs unless you can put them in the tea and tell her it’s s’posed to smell like almonds.
You know, I never thought of the O word and to be honest, I know so
little about it. Oooh, I better hush…(Now tipping out of this virtual
space).
So sorry! How much longer do you have to be there? Hang tight. I can just see you on the news after Crazy goes off the deep end. Everyone else will be saying, “But she seemed so nice,” and you’ll be shaking your finger saying, ‘Oh no, I knew she was crazy from the get go.”
My time’s very short here. Looking forward to being in the states
again for a little while.
Yeah, we have to pay attention to those initial feelings.
Crazy people are so interesting when they’re in books or on TV. When you work with them… Yikes! I wish you luck.
Yikes is right. I know I had enough of it the past three years. It has to
stop. Soon I hope.
—Tots.
Am I going to see you on National TV? I’ll be like. “OMG, That’s Tots. She’s Nuts. Oh, look at how pretty she is!!”
Keep well, Girlfriend. Xx Okay?
I hope you’ll see me on TV for a bestselling book, if anything. I’m
keeping the faith and staying well. Thank you.
Girl just dealt with a teenager that became obsessed over me for a month straight. At first I thought it was cute that she kept texting me. Then if I didnt answer in a timely manner she inbox me on fb. Then she started calling my phone (which I dont know how she got the number because I dont have it displayed on fb) back to back and my phone was going off like that in a meeting. I finally had to scream at her. She stopped for 2 days and then it got worst. I deleted and blocked her on both fb and my cell. Next thing I know…she contacted my daughter and son. Im concerned with this childs health. I dont have her mothers number so Im just floored. Some ppl were laughing but I find that so serious and scary. Girl medicine needs to be taken among a few….
That is SCARY. Seems you’re in a serious situation. Talk about a
fatal attraction. And that she found your number…Resourceful
and determined, this child is. I won’t laugh but I will pray…Seriously.
Sooooo funny! That is hilarious!
Ha ha ha! I’m sorry she’s driving you to the brink of crazy. Some people are like that. Sounds like, all joking aside, she might have a touch of OCD or Asberger’s. If that’s the case, I hope she is getting help for it. Those are serious conditions. If not, if she’s just straight up hard to get along with, I don’t know any amount of Prozac or other crazy pills that will make her tolerable. I’m afraid you’re going to have to just sit back and hope the crazy train doesn’t derail on you!!!!
There’s something going on. She says this is not her true self and that
it’s adjusting to Taiwan. That may be playing a part but I think whatever
she was in the states, it has only escalated here.
I won’t be derailed though.
Sorry I’m just getting to this one, I sure would have sent you some prozac.