I had to wait a day or so to post this here message to y’all, after the one a couple days ago on that cry baby chick. I don’t aim to talk about folks but well, I’m doing it anyhow. If she hadn’t presented herself to me in the dark light she has, I wouldn’t be elaborating on the topic of crazy.
First off, I want the best for folks. I mean, whatever floats their boat, I wish them a bon voyage to being happy sailors. But folks, I’ve learned how to follow that spirit that says, “Leave that bitch alone.” I just don’t do crazy. I can be the best gotcha-back friend in the world but when folk show me their elevator ain’t operating in full motion, there’s a 99% chance of me backing off altogether. I just don’t have the stamina. Plus, I’ve got my own shit to tend. Not only that but I don’t have enough college credits to make me halfway certified to even be a door-to-door therapist. Hell, I’m still over here in Taiwan trying to keep my damn feet clean and I ain’t none too happy for it but c’est la damn vie, baby.
Now. In the little place I’m at, there are mostly men folk. Only three women. Ten of us total. Okay, we’re sitting and joshing around and all of a sudden, Crazy Heifer pops out of her seat like a rocket and stumps from the room. Everybody’s totally baffled but I’m gonna tell you. Since Crazy Heifer sits next to me, I’ve started picking up on little signs of her skidding toward crazy. She’ll have her toe pointed to the floor and go to shaking her foot at 90 miles per hour. If somebody don’t get her point through a series of explanations and they’re trying to give their perspective, she gets to breathing heavy. If she’s trying to get the attention of somebody and they’re talking to somebody else, the mouth gets tight. Should the direction of what was stated the day before changes the agenda of what’s to happen the current day, Crazy Heifer goes something like, “Well, I thought it would happen today. Why can’t it happen? So when will it happen? I just don’t like when somebody tells me it will happen and it doesn’t happen…”
Folks, there’s a law against guns in Taiwan. But I tell you, if Crazy Heifer comes in with a bow and arrow and goes to aiming, don’t say I didn’t prophesize it. I’m telling you folks, this bitch is touched! I ain’t lying when I say all them noodles ain’t been boiled up for serving.
Now, here’s what I want you to do for me, ’cause I think we’ve gotten chummy enough for me to elicit some special favors from you. I’m gonna forward you my address. Hear me good now and follow these instructions to the letter ’cause time is of essence here. This is a May Day from Totsy Headquarters, folks. Swing by your nearest pharmacy, and I need you to drive up in that bitch like you’re about to hold that shit up, okay? Tell them folks behind that drug counter, in no uncertain terms, that Totsy sent you in there for the strongest dose of Prozac, Ritlin or whatever concoctions they got behind that counter for crazy and ship it over here to me air mail, so I can drop some of that shit in Crazy Heifer’s coffee. Code red. You read me? Over and out.