It’s never too early to start making those special requests for the soon-to-be-coming holiday. Ask not, receive not, right? Bloggers have the best forum for advertising such a thing ’cause you never know who’s reading you and may feel inclined to oblige such gifts. I don’t remember the last holiday list I made. I’m actually kinda late in getting this out, with the holiday being two months away. It’s gonna take some quick footwork on my part to stuff my stocking and all. Here goes what I’m aiming for:
- Denzel Washington or Patrick Dempsey, shirtless and shined up with a come hither look in their eyes when they see me
- Me sitting in Robin’s seat on the Dr. Phil Show with her tied up and gagged in the dressing room
- Get that Elizabeth chick off The View! Bitch get on my goddamn nerves with her know-it-all-but-don’t-know-nothing self!
- That injured soldiers are treated and taken care of as well as a retired politician or at the least, a home with a 0 balance mortgage
- For congress to actually work for the folks who elected them and put their personal interests aside
- A much increased job market for people to use their God-given skills and talent to support their families
- A published book read by Oprah and for her to give me a shout out on TV or I’ll take being her best friend. Shit, she could use another one.
- For Bill Clinton to clarify what the definition of is is when he was being questioned on hanky-pankying with Monica Lewinski
- Meet a retired b-ball player so I can be a cast member on The Basketball Wives and put Tami in her motherf-ing place
- Be a vegan for 30 days to see if that’s really the route I can live with.
- Travel to two countries that I haven’t visited already
- Somebody to cut me a check to pay off my house and while they’re at it, just give it a makeover. I ain’t all that picky. Shit, I could use one my damn self, come to think of it.
- Eat chocolate chip cookies without gaining one single pound (well, a can girl wish, right?)
- Run a marathon (but I’m realistic and know I’d be walking too)
- Eat grapes while being carried by sexy men in one of those thingies like the queens of Egypt were in back in the day
- If the retired basketball player doesn’t show up, I’ll take a philanthropist who tells good jokes
Hmmm…I think that’s about it, folks. I don’t wanna be greedy or nothing. What’s on your list for this holiday season? Anything on my list you want? You can’t have Denzel or Patrick though. I’ll cut you…