Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2011. Totsymae
Sitting in a meeting. The stomach gets to bubbling and you feel like you gotta shit. Looking around the room, everyone looks as if they can sit there ’til Jesus rises again and it certainly feels like that’s how long you’ll be in the meeting.
When somebody cries in front of you and you don’t particularly know what the hell to do. More awkward if you really never cared for that person in the first place.
When a proud parent shows you their uncute kids and pretty much has the family photo album in their purse or wallet for you to see, like all you’ve got to do is look at a bunch of photos of folks you don’t know whom you hope will grow into something like cute in the very near future.
When someone has married into the family and checking you out on the downlow, who may even throw some suggestive moves in your direction.
Dropping food on the floor and looking around to see if anyone’s looking ’cause you know you wanna eat it and probably would under the right circumstances.
Somebody who swears to be a great cook makes something especially for you and you just can’t bear the thought of putting it in your mouth after looking at it but they’re waiting for you to take that first bite.
Lord help, but the love of your life thinks he’s just whipped some good loving on you and want to talk about it when all the while, you just couldn’t wait for it to be over.
You see your parent(s) having sex and mealtime is a much happier occasion than you’ve known it before.
You’ve just finished picking your nose and heaven forbid, somebody’s watching you.
You pass gas in a public place and somebody comes right behind you and gives you a look as if you’ve been stank all of your life.
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
I was on the bus the other morning and saw a woman pick her nose. And then she had the nerve to look at it!!! How gross.
Another morning, a guy in front of me dug his hand up his backside. This wasn’t one of those, I-gotta-pull-down-my-shorts moves. No ma’am. His fingers were up there for a good while. I know he could hear my shoes hitting the pavement cause he turned round and looked straight at me!
Haven’t had an embarrassing moment in a while. Thank goodness!
Anyway, Tots, am getting ready to get to begin my escape from America. Will try to catch up on your other posts in between running last minute errands I should have done weeks ago, packing, shipping, etc. Catch you later. PS: I took a short movie of Times Square for you last night but for some crazy reason, my photos won’t upload to my laptop. Anyway, will post as soon as I view it and make sure it looks okay.
Oh my, goodness…I’ve waited for someone to notice me looking
at them after nose-picking but then I always turn away because
I get embarrassed for them. I just know I would laugh, so I
have to look away and laugh to myself. LoL
That last one had me in laughing tears…oh gawd, I love potty humor. That’s one reason I love your blog. The other is that you just say it like it is. I think I’ve been in almost ALL of these situations. Thanks for the laughs!
Oh, so the last one was an encounter of the non-fictional kind…
Hmmmm. You’re funny!
Yeah, cockroaches and snakes give me the willies. Creepy nasty
boogers.
Oh gawd, could have done without the cockroach painting though! I love your art, Totsy, but of all the creatures in the world that give me the willies, cockroaches are the worst! I’m even shaking as I type this. Must run!
Totsy, you crack me up!!! Don’t you EVER change.
Just trying to break down those barriers so we can get
better acquainted with each other. Lol!!
hehe, those are great
What a lovely goofy girl you are!
LoL!!
That’s one hell of a list! I agree with all of them. The other day a woman showed me a photo of her little boy. The picture was obviously taken at one of those cheap-ass department stores where they take goofy shots of newborns. Her kid had a huge head and it was resting on a football with a snappy heading underneath that said “Mommy’s Future Quarterback.” I couldn’t for the life of me think of what to say. Great post, Totsymae.
Poor, Annie, Somebody whipped out the ole baby photos. Hard to even
fix your mouth to tell a lie, Been there and done that too, girl. Lol!
hahahahahaaaaaaaaaa , picking noses, usage of tooth picks as well as spiting on the floors + talking loud on the dinner table etc. sounds like great fun. Winter is coming, snake soup is good its the local delicacy.
lolz
I miss all that
Yucky! No fun here.
You are friggin’ hilarious! God help me, I love your posts. I keep looking for them and read them to my family. You nasty thing you, do not stop writing. The roach is a bonus, thanks! Yuck!
Moi? Nasty? Lol!!
Great Friday evening read! Made me laugh right before my bed time. Thank you
Oooh, we have some things in common, I see.
Don’t you just love when people demonstrate that they’re human?!
Yes. Quite refreshing, actually.
Eeeeeew! I’ve been there and seen that – some folk get this triumphant look, like they’re starring in their own flicker-flick, gross … That roach watercolour it’s lifelike … At school, Arnie kept roaches as pets, no visits, no sleepovers.
Totsymae, u cld write a punchy column in one of the dailies “life’s like that … ‘an this, ‘an that!”
cheers catchul8r molly