Illustration and book cover design by Totsymae. Blog content and artwork copyrights 2011 by Totsymae
A Featured WordPress Blog Post (Yippee, Y’all)
Chapter One
Once upon a time, a woman named Desperita met this fine ass man. Oh, he was the shit. Talked shit. Walked shit. Was simply, the shit. Period. Matter of fact, she thought she had a fine enough shape on her almost-forty body and a cute face, so she could be classified as the shit too. They were at their local Piggly Wiggly, which should’ve been a clear sign to Desperita then and there, for reasons that can’t rightly be explained.
Desperita was a good woman of education and acquired things like, a big ass house, where all of her furniture was fully paid for, a modest-priced car, and a fairly nice paycheck, even stocks and bonds before the market sunk a deep hole in her future savings. She had everything except somebody breathing next to her at night. Not even a snotty-nose child sitting across from her at the dinner table. She ate with Will Downing calling out her loneliness from her stereo. Oh, sometimes the pain tuckered in her long and deep. One Friday after work was one such time, when she ran up on Bootleg Man.
“Hey, there. You go right on ahead of me in this line, so you can hurry on home and get off your pretty feet,” he told her, looking at her all up and down, like the wolf did Little Red Riding Hood.
Shit, it didn’t take much to blow her lonely mind, so they got to talking. Matter of fact, they stood in the parking lot damn near half an hour, so the so-called concern he showed for her feet wasn’t worth no more shit than he was but Desperita didn’t reflect on that, even in her educated mind. She was too busy being all impressed with this new fella, who also had him some education, read books like history, philosophy, business and the like. Oh, Bootleg Man had her ’cause she didn’t run up on too many men who read philosophy. She didn’t understand it herself. Shit, she was just waiting for this one to ask for her number.
“You know what? I really enjoyed talking with you,” Bootleg Man told her but had to catch himself from licking his lips when he looked at all her fineness again and the latest model of the Volkswagen Passat she was driving. It was clean inside, which meant she was just as clean at her home he wanted to get inside and lay up in. He liked himself a clean woman, especially one that cleaned up after him while he went to his piece of a job, where he had the habit of cutting a fool and landed himself on the shit list. Any wrong move could send him in the throes of the unemployment line. He was looking out for his future and ole girl looked to be a real soft place to land.
“I really enjoyed you too. I’ll write my cell number on the back of my card.” Desperita scribbled her number on the back and handed her card over to Bootleg Man.
Shit, he was smiling when he got that card and read it. She was a vice-principal at a school for the county. A good paying and secure job, she had. Plus, she was fine. Damn! “I’ll be calling you, Desperita. I usually don’t come in here to shop but I’m glad I did today. Must’ve been fate,” he lied through his phony grin. His ass went in there all the time on foot on account of his car being broke down in his driveway.
Copyright 2011 Totsymae
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
–Tots,
I love your writing, dialogue (especially)……& your art work is “out of this world.”
“Desperita” So utterly Apt. Perfect.
You are Fabulous! That’s all there is to it.
Thank you so much, Kim.
You’re fabulous and I am so looking forward to your next vlog.
I wanted to say all that too. Took the words right out of my mouth. Adding that I can never stop reading what you write once I start. I crave more of your style. You make me smile, react and in general know you got a point.
Love ya!
Thank you and thank you again, Sonia.
Those words are always good to hear and you make me smile also.
Lawkks, Tots, couldn’t you just have saved the brotha and given him a bicycle??? I’d dying over here. I’m sure you hear me laughing all the way in Harlem. This is too funny. Girl, you can tell me a story anytime. So, tell me again when the book’s coming out????????????????? ?????????????
Yeah, I heard you, girl. Crazy self! LoL!
I couldn’t figure out what to blog about today, being that my life isn’t all that interesting. So, I just started a story that I have to finish now. (Shoot!)
Oh, no bike for Bootleg Man. Girl, you know he had to wait ’til she was out the parking lot to start walking home.
I’m hoping for a November date. Thank you for your support and hanging out with me as you do. You’re the coolest!
SOOOOO creative!
Hey, Lorna. Much appreciation for that. You’re an inspiration to me.
Now, my own comment! I love your writing Tots. Please keep it coming. Yes, would love to hear more about Desperita.
So Totsy her name is Desperita, oy, oy, oy, How can you make a women so desperate?!?!? When will we read the rest of the story or are you going to keep us hanging here?…..
Ariana, there are women out there like that, unfortunately. Oft times, it’s worse when she has a child. I have heard some stories, my Russian girlfriend.
I shall resume the tale of Desperita and Bootleg Man on Thursday. I do want to get through rapidly.
Ooo, where were you featured?
The humor section.
Totsy mae–”Bootleg Man” looks like Smoky the Bear, and then upon further examination, reptillian. What a brilliant abstract art design. The beginning of the story speaks for itself: compelling.
You know, I sold a piece similar to this one to a gallery in California and it was called Dappin.’ simply because of his gait. He’s just a real cool guy who likes to chill, that’s all.
I was in my Picasso/Diego Rivera phase at the time it was painted.
Hey! congratulations on getting featured! Love the story, and like the way you leave the reader wanting more!
Thank you and another thank you.
It was impromptu writing, so I hope I can keep it interesting.
Yeah! I think you are close to fame and billboards. Congrats on the feature, love it when it happens. It’s a feel good feeling that wears like the look of a sexy men. As ever, I was laughing and smiling all the way through.. I like shuck’n and jivin’..
Girl, I wish! Wouldn’t it be THE coolest thing to write for a living and that’s it! No part-time gigs. Just all that writerly stuff.
Hopping over from your campaign group, great story!
Glad you like. It was fun writing it.
Hey Campaigner! Just wanted to say hi and to tell you I’m checking out your blog.
TIRZ
Whatever Desperita does next…I beg her do NOT offer him a ride home in her clean car! LOL! Nice to meet you totsymae. I’m in your chick lit group;)
Hi, Just dropping by to say hello – I am in the same campaign group as you (chick lit)
Yay! What a read, Tots. Oh, the suspicions about the coming events. Uh – huh!
Tots, where were you featured and where the hell AM I?? You’re losin’ me, and I’m against going back up to the top of the page!!!
:
Now, why won’t you go to the top of the page, George? It’s a backward motion click. Take the camera outta your hand and you can do it.
Let’s see…”hmmm, “backward motion click” …what the hell is a backward motion click? Wait … wait… I think I got it. The middle button, right?
You know what I mean. We’re both country folk. Don’t tell me you’re southern on the outside and northern on the inside. Go backward, I mean, I’m getting tongue-tied and now nobody will be able to understand me.
Tongue-tied? You? Ha Ha! Hell, I went backwards and ended up at last Christmas with the diamond ring. I still want to know where you were featured?? I’m the crazy SOUTHERN aunt in the attic on the inside!
One of them WordPress pages, I can’t remember no more. I don’t guess I’m all that special anymore. I haven’t heard from them lately, Thus, my 15 minutes of fame has passed, I’m hunting for something long term now,
Okay, let me give you one. I got a problem. I thought I understood religious folk. It seems that I just ignored them. Tell me what kind of mindset it takes to believe that my nearly fifty-year marriage would have been destroyed by somebody I don’t know marrying somebody else I don’t know if both of em were “same-sex”, as they say?? When you get through with that one, I got some more perplexsin’ questions… I hate to bother you with this, but it’s gettin’ on my nerves.
Well, good grief George, you’ve perplexed my head. I need to sit down and do the math on who would’ve married who and how it would’ve worked out but first, I need to stick the biscuits in the oven so my brain can ponder your imaginings.