Since I’ve been hearing so much about bucket lists, some shit Oprah got people jumping the bandwagon on, I decided to make one myself. Not because I’m part of that cult of Oprah fans but believe it or not, I was scanning the internet and came across a photo, which so inspired me. Because that particular photo prompted this post, I’ll start my list with it. Here goes, folks:
- I wanna fly out to California, knock on Jermaine Jackson’s door with a pair of scissors and cut his hair. I really do, folks. BAD! It’s not so much that he’s got a lot of hair, it’s the style he’s got it in that I hope never comes back. He’s patiently waiting for that trend of bad ass hair days for men to recycle. I fear I may have to give it a good washing first. I know, I usually don’t give nobody a hard time on this here blog besides me, but it’s my list.
- I wanna take a semi-nude group photo with some of my favorite men. I’d be poised in the center wearing some Victoria’s Secret attire, striking that Marilyn Monroe pose where she was wearing the white, backless dress standing over that vent with it flying up around her thighs. Those men standing back there like eye-candy would be Blair Underwood, Denzel Washington, Mark Vartan and Patrick Dempsey. I ain’t greedy but look at those men. Quality is what I’m after, folks.
- I wanna get my tummy lipo-suctioned and put some of the meat they get from there on my ass. We’ve been through this before in a previous post, Booty Perceptions. Read up on it and you’ll fully understand this desire for my bucket.
- I wanna be in a play. Not anything big. I don’t even have to have a speaking role but I wanna be on stage and doing something that’ll make folk remember what I did, even if that means taking off Blair Underwood’s shirt in real slow motion. No words needed for that, folks and who wouldn’t remember that?
- I wanna arrange a five-year hiatus for Beyonce. Folks, she said she took a year off but damn, if that wasn’t the quickest year I’ve ever witnessed. Seemed like she was still all up in my face. Don’t get me wrong, I like Beyonce and I think she’s a genuinely nice person but I need to rest up from her, and enjoy the limelight of folk I dig on a deeper level, like India.Arie, Kemistry, Sarah McLachlan, Alanis Morissette, Will Downing and the like. Like I said, I do enjoy Beyonce but I’m worn down with all the ass-shaking and wanna hear some music and see the kinda folk who make music get down in my bones.
- I wanna go to the Board of Health or wherever the hell’s necessary to get weave banned. I’m sorry, folks but I’m so tired of looking at it. Down where I am, folk been robbing stores to steal weave and reselling it. I say steal all that shit and burn it, so I can replace this mission with some other bucket list task. Plus, not everybody’s wearing that shit right. Even my Little Totsy’s been asking to get pieces of hair glued up in her head. HELL NAW! I can see folk wearing it on occasion but it’s too excessive. If I have to take it to the supreme court, so be it!
- I wanna buy me an apartment in London, so I can write. If being an expatriate worked for James Baldwin, it can for me too. Maybe I’ll catch Kate and William shopping in the grocery store and I can drop this country ass accent once we got to hanging out. I don’t think we could do lunch together. She looks hungry to me and I wouldn’t wanna look greedy with eating all my food and her eating like a bird.
I’d best end it here. This ain’t long but it’s gonna take strong focus and tenacity to get these tasks scratched off. I foresee the hardest of all these is me getting Jermaine to sit his ass down for that much-needed haircut.
Hey, what about you? What are some of your future hopes and dreams before you kick it?