Since I’ve been hearing so much about bucket lists, some shit Oprah got people jumping the bandwagon on, I decided to make one myself. Not because I’m part of that cult of Oprah fans but believe it or not, I was scanning the internet and came across a photo, which so inspired me. Because that particular photo prompted this post, I’ll start my list with it. Here goes, folks:
Let me at him, y'all. I just need is a pair of scissors, a long ass rope and a stand-alone chair.
- I wanna fly out to California, knock on Jermaine Jackson’s door with a pair of scissors and cut his hair. I really do, folks. BAD! It’s not so much that he’s got a lot of hair, it’s the style he’s got it in that I hope never comes back. He’s patiently waiting for that trend of bad ass hair days for men to recycle. I fear I may have to give it a good washing first. I know, I usually don’t give nobody a hard time on this here blog besides me, but it’s my list.
- I wanna take a semi-nude group photo with some of my favorite men. I’d be poised in the center wearing some Victoria’s Secret attire, striking that Marilyn Monroe pose where she was wearing the white, backless dress standing over that vent with it flying up around her thighs. Those men standing back there like eye-candy would be Blair Underwood, Denzel Washington, Mark Vartan and Patrick Dempsey. I ain’t greedy but look at those men. Quality is what I’m after, folks.
Lordy, mercy!!!
- I wanna get my tummy lipo-suctioned and put some of the meat they get from there on my ass. We’ve been through this before in a previous post, Booty Perceptions. Read up on it and you’ll fully understand this desire for my bucket.
- I wanna be in a play. Not anything big. I don’t even have to have a speaking role but I wanna be on stage and doing something that’ll make folk remember what I did, even if that means taking off Blair Underwood’s shirt in real slow motion. No words needed for that, folks and who wouldn’t remember that?
- I wanna arrange a five-year hiatus for Beyonce. Folks, she said she took a year off but damn, if that wasn’t the quickest year I’ve ever witnessed. Seemed like she was still all up in my face. Don’t get me wrong, I like Beyonce and I think she’s a genuinely nice person but I need to rest up from her, and enjoy the limelight of folk I dig on a deeper level, like India.Arie, Kemistry, Sarah McLachlan, Alanis Morissette, Will Downing and the like. Like I said, I do enjoy Beyonce but I’m worn down with all the ass-shaking and wanna hear some music and see the kinda folk who make music get down in my bones.
Angry and tender lyrics of a songbird, my Shero, Alanis Morissette
- I wanna go to the Board of Health or wherever the hell’s necessary to get weave banned. I’m sorry, folks but I’m so tired of looking at it. Down where I am, folk been robbing stores to steal weave and reselling it. I say steal all that shit and burn it, so I can replace this mission with some other bucket list task. Plus, not everybody’s wearing that shit right. Even my Little Totsy’s been asking to get pieces of hair glued up in her head. HELL NAW! I can see folk wearing it on occasion but it’s too excessive. If I have to take it to the supreme court, so be it!
- I wanna buy me an apartment in London, so I can write. If being an expatriate worked for James Baldwin, it can for me too. Maybe I’ll catch Kate and William shopping in the grocery store and I can drop this country ass accent once we got to hanging out. I don’t think we could do lunch together. She looks hungry to me and I wouldn’t wanna look greedy with eating all my food and her eating like a bird.
I’d best end it here. This ain’t long but it’s gonna take strong focus and tenacity to get these tasks scratched off. I foresee the hardest of all these is me getting Jermaine to sit his ass down for that much-needed haircut.
Hey, what about you? What are some of your future hopes and dreams before you kick it?
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
I want to be an expatriate, too. London and Paris. And live on the interest from my royalties.
Well, may be that we end up meeting there. I’ve not been to London but I see that I could adapt quicker with less language barriers. I speak an eensy weensy bit of French. I wouldn’t do too badly with it since I love the language and can read a lot more than I speak.
Hey Tosh, love this list! Especially the Jermaine haircut, Denzel, weave and Beyonce. And I could definitely use the apartment – Paris, Barcelona or London would definitely work.
Oh yea, forgot the lipo. I’ve been in a few plays.
Want to travel around the world for a year.
Well hey, maybe we can fly out there together and cut ole dude’s hair.
You’ve been in plays? Hmmm…I’m behind on my game. Somebody needs to write me in a script.
To travel around the world for a year – how cool would that be.
love your bucket list.. Can I’ll go with you to Jermaine’s house.. always wanted to vist California, and this may be my chance. I can sit on him, while you snip away.
Want to be an expat… then just be one.. you can write from anywhere.
Expat in Mexico.
Tosh…calm down. Here’s what you do. Turn off the TV, the radio, and shut down your Internet. Put the scissors down and grab your car keys. Drive to the nearest airport and claim your ticket. It’s bound for London.
And ssh…sssh… I already know what you’re about to say. Yes, it’s first class and yes, it’s round trip! We most certainly want to hear about this trip, and some of us I’m sure want to see your face as you tell it! LOL, screaming out loud ROTFLMBAO!!!
Before I go off to London, I need to hook Jermaine up first. I can’t be leaving any loose ends untied in the states. Feel me?
Then I gotta put a lot of time into getting Beyonce packed up and off somewhere fancy. You know she’s high maintenance, so I gotta get her some place nice, where she’s not only chillin’ but maybe in some 3rd world country. Maybe she can adopt a child like Madonna or build a school, like Oprah.
Shit, have herself some babies or something. Just give me a break.
My bucket list would include traveling , traveling and more traveling. Totsymae put Russia on your list, I’ll go with you as a translator, will have so much fun!
I could do Russia, as long as it’s summertime. You know, I’m a southern girl and unaccustomed to cold winters as Russia experiences. The winter season is longer, I presume.
Not where I am from!
here is my old post on cold winters http://rada55.wordpress.com/2011/02/09/784/
Dreams – Oh the list… a non ‘me wish’ is for both of my kids to find their way in this life, to love freely and not to suffer too many broken hearts.. Ok enough of them.. Two years ago I threw a coin into the fountain in Italy.. I didn’t wish for love ever lasting, or even body perfection, rather for the strength to follow my passion of being a writer… that is my dream… I wouldn’t mind a villa in Barcelona..
I have the mommy things in my bucket too but you know how I do over here, girl.
London is at the very, very top of my list — I lived in Oxford for 4 months while I was in college, spent a few nights in London, and fell in love. I also fell in love with Paris, too, but that whole language barrier thing made it a bit difficult to travel around. Still, if it was good enough for Josephine Baker, I’d like to think that France could be good enough for me.
Honestly, I’ll take an apartment in almost any major European city, as long as I can chill out and write to my heart’s content. And ohhhhh, man, I had to laugh so hard over your comment about Jermaine Jackson’s hair. It really DOES need an intervention, and I think you might be the perfect person to do it.
For the rest of my list? I need to meet Hugh Jackman at some point, just to gush at him and see if he’s as nice as everyone claims. And I might also try out that lipo business myself, just to get rid of my tummy and thighs. Add in lots of traveling, and lots of shopping for cute shoes, and lots of wine-tasting, and I think I could die a happy lady. :p
I know what you mean about Paris. I just think the transition would be so much easier. I’ll have to look to see who
Hugh Jackman is. Maybe I’d end up putting him in the eye-candy photo.
Oh yeah, intervention is the perfect word to describe this dire situation with Jermaine’s hair. I wonder if anybody’s
said ANYTHING.
You’ve got a good list there.
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