I’ve about had it, twiddling my damn thumbs around here. Looking at all the shows that’s made regular folk like me become popular, the solution’s been staring me in the face all along. I don’t know why it had never cross my mind before.
See folks, on a few different occasions, I was trying to find a quick hustle to pimp ole Totsy’s name in neon lights in the way of a reality show. But I have to tell you, I wouldn’t even look at me on TV. I mean shit, I ain’t all that interesting to me. What the hell am I gonna do on the TV set in your living room? Paint? Play around on my computer blogging? Cut the damn grass? Shop for cheap gas? Who the hell wanna see some shit like that?
Then, I came up with the idea of putting a YouTube video out there. Still haven’t figured out what the hell I’d be doing but shit, seems like folk figure it all out right there on the camera, impromptu style. Some of the dumbest shit be on that website and it ends up hotter than July in this here south I’m living in.
Just a quick second ago, I came up with the idea that once my book is published, I could do a public reading in the nude. What the hell’s wrong with that? Well, I’d have to do some alternative drug to even build up the nerve for that and you know, I just like shit to come out naturally, without mind altering sorta products. Kinda my whole reason for thinking of reading naked in the first place.
But then, it all came to me when I wrote this little article yesterday. Hugh Hefner is single and available, y’all. I mean, it’s never been a dream of mine to marry somebody old enough to be my granddaddy but what the hell is a dream if you don’t set the wheels in motion to make it all come true? You think all those ex-wives were really in love with ole Hugh or were they thinking along the lines of enterprising like me? Even with a prenup, I’m sure those women ain’t wanting for shit. The economy ain’t nearly as rocky for them as it is for regular folk like you and me. And you can say what you want but you have to keep in mind, a good few of them playmates up in that house are college educated. My ass could fit right on in there and I know once I got to batting my lashes, meowing and running my mouth, Hugh wouldn’t be able to resist me.
What I’m thinking is, this last bunny he aimed to keep his heart pumping was missing a few watts in her bulb. I mean, she’s out here talking about she don’t know what’s gonna happen to her next. This bunny ain’t got no career path now what she’s hopped from the altar and into these mean streets of job-hunters but I ain’t mad at her. This only presents me the opportunity to get my ass on a plane to where America’s number one playa is and make myself known to him. Hell, if I get nipped and tucked in a few places and finalize that pedicure appointment I’ve been procrastinating on, who’s to say ole Hef won’t find me a fuzzy ball to strap to my ass and have me photographed with a pacifier in my mouth. Shit, folk can talk about morality until I’m blue in the ass, I’m telling you, that ain’t nothing but folk hatin’ cause of them being too chicken to step out and snatch up their own dream.
(Wagging my finger in your face) Don’t judge or hate on me ’cause I’m hopping a plane to ole Hef’s to get my bunny tail. He’s probably got one with my name written all over it.
(My arrogance now, suddenly fading) I just hope these few pounds I put on don’t make it squeeze the shit out of me.
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Get in line sista …I already have my eyes set on his old rich ass. With all this thickness…I would add about 20 more years to his life! HUGH…HOLD ON…I AM COMING BABY!!!
Alright now, it’s gonna be tough enough competition from all them bunnies in that mansion and now I gotta deal with you.
Hahahaha, you’ll probably outlive him anyway.
Plus, you won’t have to do much — the ex says he lasts only 2 minutes.
I certainly hope I’ll outlive him.
Now, she’s wrong for putting that man out there like that. Where’s that heifer? I’m gonna yank her hair. LOL!
2 minutes? That’s shorter than a coughing attack…
Eeewwwww…I may have to be resourceful.
—-Tots,
I worked with girls that had to wear those bunny costumes at the Play-Boy Casino in the Bahamas.
Those spandex outfits go on like paint… EVERYTHING is suuuuucked in ….Except your Boobies, babe.
Serious.
Hef has a tail waiting for you. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sounds exciting.
I could use one of those spandex outfits. Maybe I could sleep in it.
It’s always entertaining checking out your posts and subsequent comments, love the “shorter than a coughing attack” comment!
Glad it’s fun for you here. You’re getting an earful from these ladies.
Lucky you.
O, now this one was too damn funny. I surely won’t trip you running down the aisle after this one. LOL!!! Go Totsy… and boo… me sittin’ in a pew LMBAO!!!
What’s so funny? My bags are packed as we speak. All I gotta do now is find out what state he’s in.
O, you’ll see… when you get to the mansion… or maybe you won’t and probably me neither, cause my eyes will be squeezed shut too tight laughing!!! O, I just couldn’t resist this one. It’s just too damn hysterical. Thanks Tots. I really, really needed a good laugh today.
Well Totsymae, if I remember correctly last time Heff had 3 girlfriends, so how about you share him with me and he can pick the third one by himself…..
Let me think on this a bit, Ariana…Okay, you can be the one to have sex with him. LOL!
I’m sure you’re in the running–go for the gold, silver, and diamonds!
I really do think there’s a chance. Maybe he’ll find true love that stick in there at this stage.
I am certain the pre-nup is a killer, but you’ll get something for having to saddle up next to the guy. I can’t see it myself. Nope. Rich or not, I can’t imagine kissing him (millions or not). Stop shaking your head in disgust. I’m a left over from that other world that still has a much too romantic heart… Pathetic. I am seriously considering therapy. Maybe that will help.. Enter contests (writing) submit.. etc., it does pay off. Also lots of writers or vblogging and cutting videos. Do an open mic night on you tube… you have the voice and the humor…
Well, like I said, my bags are packed. I’ll put in a good word for you anyway.
Your writing is exquisite! I could have read pages of you! And I think ol’ Hugh would be very lucky to have you in the puff pile. Not to mention, according to your profile write-up, with you in the house, they’d never run out of toilet paper. I say he should marry you based on that single fact.
LoL!
Thank you. I agree that a woman who keeps toilet paper in the house is a keeper.
Thanks for hanging out with me, Sandra.
As mom often said, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!” Ole Heff wouldn’t stand a chance at resistance – go for it!
Same thing I was thinking, so there I am!