Ladies, women folk or whatever you call yourselves out there, you may disagree with me on what your preference is but I kinda like my man on the ugly side. If you ever saw me all hugged up with a fella or I, one of these lucky days, get on this here blog and go to talking about my man like he’s the best thing since a good back massage, you’d be right to assume he’s leaning toward ugly on the spectrum of looks.
Let me clear this up real quick first though. Physically, I don’t see folk as ugly. Honestly, I don’t. A pretty man can’t do shit for me but let me look at him. I use the term ugly ’cause it’s a word in the dictionary and on account of me knowing that I go for the least attractive fella in the way of appearances; what some of my women friends may call ugly anyway (damn jealous heifers). Am I right that you can clean up a person’s physical appearance a lot quicker than you can the inside? Okay, we’ve reached some common ground here.
I do, however, have specific criteria for making my ugly man selection. And y’all, don’t be offended by my use of the word. It’s just for the sake of writing this here piece. Now, I do require for his teeth to be lined up fairly on the even side ’cause I have a nice set of teeth that I don’t have to put in a glass at night, like I know some folk do. I want him to at least complement me in that way since he ain’t the hottest thing out there. You feel me? I’ll also need him to keep his fingernails clean. Not that he’s got to be a manicured-clear-nail-polish-wearing Joe but he needs to give a damn about his hands since he’s got to use them to put shit in his mouth to eat. And yes, he’s got to keep his hair and facial hairs tightly groomed. Ain’t nothing worse than an ugly man having a bad ass hair day. Am I lying to you?
And one last thing, ladies, especially the ones in that single club, and I’m saying this to warn you straight up. It really bothers me to meet a man who wears a hat all the damn time. I’ve never dated one like that but to me, they’re like women who just gotta have that hair weave or make-up all the time. You know, when they’re without it, they pretty much look like shit. If a man’s already ugly and he’s absolutely gotta wear that hat, that means he’s too damn ugly for me even. And if I don’t want him, I know damn well you don’t either.
Don’t get me wrong though, I’ve dated some lookers. Shit just didn’t work out. But I’m gonna tell you, life ain’t gotta be a bitch without a man if you’re ambitious and really want one. Just go on out there and get you an ugly one.