Ladies, women folk or whatever you call yourselves out there, you may disagree with me on what your preference is but I kinda like my man on the ugly side. If you ever saw me all hugged up with a fella or I, one of these lucky days, get on this here blog and go to talking about my man like he’s the best thing since a good back massage, you’d be right to assume he’s leaning toward ugly on the spectrum of looks.
Let me clear this up real quick first though. Physically, I don’t see folk as ugly. Honestly, I don’t. A pretty man can’t do shit for me but let me look at him. I use the term ugly ’cause it’s a word in the dictionary and on account of me knowing that I go for the least attractive fella in the way of appearances; what some of my women friends may call ugly anyway (damn jealous heifers). Am I right that you can clean up a person’s physical appearance a lot quicker than you can the inside? Okay, we’ve reached some common ground here.
I do, however, have specific criteria for making my ugly man selection. And y’all, don’t be offended by my use of the word. It’s just for the sake of writing this here piece. Now, I do require for his teeth to be lined up fairly on the even side ’cause I have a nice set of teeth that I don’t have to put in a glass at night, like I know some folk do. I want him to at least complement me in that way since he ain’t the hottest thing out there. You feel me? I’ll also need him to keep his fingernails clean. Not that he’s got to be a manicured-clear-nail-polish-wearing Joe but he needs to give a damn about his hands since he’s got to use them to put shit in his mouth to eat. And yes, he’s got to keep his hair and facial hairs tightly groomed. Ain’t nothing worse than an ugly man having a bad ass hair day. Am I lying to you?
And one last thing, ladies, especially the ones in that single club, and I’m saying this to warn you straight up. It really bothers me to meet a man who wears a hat all the damn time. I’ve never dated one like that but to me, they’re like women who just gotta have that hair weave or make-up all the time. You know, when they’re without it, they pretty much look like shit. If a man’s already ugly and he’s absolutely gotta wear that hat, that means he’s too damn ugly for me even. And if I don’t want him, I know damn well you don’t either.
Don’t get me wrong though, I’ve dated some lookers. Shit just didn’t work out. But I’m gonna tell you, life ain’t gotta be a bitch without a man if you’re ambitious and really want one. Just go on out there and get you an ugly one.
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
After laughing, I had to agree with you about a man having his teeth some what lined up. I don’t have a ‘physical definition’ of perfection, but I like them kinda of on the tall side, and …. it pains me to confess this, but I like it that they can speak in sentences and not grunt. Oh and I like it when they don’t talk while chewing and have learned how to use a knife and fork. Even more sexy to me is that they have read a book or two.. I know, how picky…
No, I don’t have a definition of physical perfection either. I don’t care much about height, really. Long as he’s not a midget. I’m scared of midgets. I don’t mean that in a bad way for any who might be reading this but I just am.
I could run a list here but how much time you got, girl?
One other thing I forgot to mention, please let him know how to put subjects and verbs together. I’ll can give a non-native English speaker some leeway on that, however 
Haha love this. For me, he doesn’t have to be ugly..he just can’t take more time getting ready than I do :p
Yeah, I don’t understand men who take a long time to get ready. That’s too meticulous for me, although clean-cut is what I go for. I shouldn’t be waiting for him in the car and honking the horn while he’s in the mirror doing his hair.
Ugly, like pretty, is on the inside–at least for me. Your sense of humor is delightful, Tots!
Thank you, Lorna. I really should get a life, huh.
—-Tots,
you have a “Voice” like none I’ve heard before.
So Fresh. So Authentic.
Are you for Real?
Cuz I think I luv Ya.
PS. Some ugly lookin’ dudes are HOT…For example; Woody Allen is brilliant. TUuuuRN ON. Tommy Lee Jones. HOT. Sean Penn. I Want Him. Jack Black. YEP. I’d kiss him. I love SMART, funny men:)
xxx Great Post.
Thank you, Kim. I luv you 2!
I have to admit, I do love me some Tommy Lee Jones and that bad boy, Sean Penn. So brilliant and manly, they are! Rock Totsy’s world.
Hahahahaha, you’re funny. I know what you mean, Girl. Handsome men are typically way too in love with themselves. We’d have some real issues and we’d need a separate bathroom!
Yes, they do love themselves. More than they would love me and that’s a sin!
Hey Totsymae, I said it before and I will say it again. The face of a men doesnt have to be more pretty then a face of a monkey or a horse. As long he makes me laugh he is already handsome . And yea you are funny!!!!!
I like the way you put that, Ariana.
Oh yes, a man who can make me laugh is attractive. I guess you can tell I like to laugh.
Too damn funny! I love this. Let me beware of the man who wears a hat 24/7, who looks like his teeth have been thrown at him from mid-field, and hasn’t clipped his nose hair or nails since the Great Depression. Thanks for the reminder…I was just about to take a dive into the wrong cesspool, until you steered me on the right path. Thanks, Totsymae.
Glad I could help you out, Annie. This has been a free public service announcement.
As always, you are a hoot. I just posted it to My Life. One Story at a Time. on Face book and for everyone who doesn’t see it there, I’m about to email to them!! lol Thanks for the laugh – once again.
Glad you had a good laugh. You must have really enjoyed this one;-)
Great post. I totally agree with you about the facial hair, teeth and finger nails. You are 100%
Thanks for the smile.
MichelleKCanada
http://anotherlookbookreviews.blogspot.com/
I remember you. Met you on Twitter.
Yes, those teeth, hair and nails are the absolutes.
I’ve done my good deed for the day since you smiled.
You are funny, girl. Now, I like them tall with a lil meat (not Fat) on their bones, good teeth, neat, gentleman and caring. Is this too much to ask, I don’t think so. I hope a lot of men will read this. give us some more lessons on men.
Funny? I’m serious.
Pass on the news. Yes, neatness counts but can he cook?
Story of my life, I went for pretty men rather than clever ones.
You’re funny …
Yeah, I had an aunt that always went for the pretty ones too. Never happy, always looking.
Thanks for stopping by, Cin.
Simply wanna say that this is very helpful , Thanks for taking your time to write this. “One man with courage is a majority.” by Thomas Jefferson.